What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[southernpilot]

can i buy a used rj and start up something?

Asked by some dumb ass poster.
So the new thread is, what is the dumbest question you have ever heard from another pilot.
Of course the really stupid ones don't ask any questions at all. They know it all, don't they?

 

[mudkow60]

Hey Shaheen...want to know how I know you're gay?

Heheh... I love telling folks that

 

[kansas]

What route do you fly?

Maybe not the dumbest, but it makes up for it in volume.

Agreed...over and over.

 

[youmustbejoking]

hear, hear

I get really tired of this one!!

What route do you fly?

Maybe not the dumbest, but it makes up for it in volume.

 

[CA1900]

Ugh, a woman asked me that on the flight home yesterday. And every other stupid question she could think of. I was trying to sleep, but that didn't stop her. If I didn't answer because my eyes were closed, she'd just ask again louder. Arrrrgh.

Only the impenetrable wall of my Bose headphones could stop the inane questions....

 

[sktwstdfrk]

Some people think pax check their brain when they check their luggage ... it happens before they get in the door.

(keep in mind, the pax has already driven past numerous signs, as well as the large AIRPORT sign outside the terminal)

Walking in the door of the terminal ... "Is this the airport?"

The sad thing, it has happened at least 3 times while I've been here waiting for flights.

 

[timeless]

I heard about this situation from another pilot.

Q:what is the uniform for?
A: I'm a Dolphin trainer.

After some made up dolphin training stories she had this question

Q: What do the stripes on your jacket mean?
A: I have one stripe for each dolphin I've lost.
Response: Oh... Thats so sad

 

[AviateYou]

In uniform at the Tropicana Restaurant Buffet in Vegas an old lady asks "When are the pancakes coming out?"

Answer: "M'aam I'll get right on it!"

 

[ksu_aviator]

In RDU, run on to the last flight out of town, get a seat between two people: an old fat woman that is way to talkative on my right and a young "I can prove how cool I am" prick on my left.

First thing that happens is the flight attendant walks over and hands me a rum and coke and thanks me for all I do. WTF? I later figured out that she thought I was TSA.

Then, the fat lady asks me if I'm a pilot. I say yes, staring at the rum and coke in disbelief. "Do you know what a Cessna 210 is?" I nod my head. "Is it a good ariplane?" I look up from my rum and coke and say something like 'I guess so.' Then, out of no where and very matter of factly she blurts out; "My husband died in one of those."

Now, I'm trying to decide which is more amusing, getting a free alocoholic drink from the FA or having some old fat lady talk my ear off about how her husband died.

Mean while, mister cooler than thou keeps leaning over well into my personal space and whispering "kill me now." At this point I was more than happy to help him, I just didn't have anything sharper than my wings.

So I shove the rum and coke over to the "cool guy" and pretend to rest my eyes. Mrs. fat ain't gettin that I just flew 8 hours a day for the last 5 days and all I want to do is rest on my way home. Neither does the FA.

Magically, another rum and coke appears in front of me. By now, cool guy gets it. I can't drink it. So he's begging me for the drink, which I was more than happy to pawn off. Maybe a little alcohol will put this guy to sleep. Of course, any sign of life I show is a signal to Mrs. Fat that it is time to talk. She starts asking me why engines quit and what does it mean if the aircraft is found upside down.

Let me tell you, I've never had a wierder dead head leg than that. Thank God it was only an hour.

 

[Northern Lights]

Grocery Store

I really try to avoid going out in public in uniform, but often my wife has me stopping by the store on the way home from the airport to pick up a few things.

So one day they are giving away samples of steak, cooked on a small grill, in the store. The lady looks at me and says something like "uh oh here's the fire marshal, I hope we're not in trouble for grilling inside!"

Another time I'm waiting for a self checkout counter, and some guy can't get his item to scan. He keeps looking at me and saying "it won't scan! -- it's not working, I can't get it to scan!" I looked at him, shrugged, and just said "I don't know", and proceeded to the next open register.