What's the dumbest question you've been asked as a pilot?

[FlyFastLiveSlow]

Where are the parachutes??

There are two in the cockpit.......in case we need to go get help!

 

[siucavflight]

"Are you scared of heights? I heard most pilots are"

 

[doh]

I had a new flight attendant ask me a question once. She was a young, knockout blonde, that just quit her job at hooters in OH and decided she wanted to fly. SO she asks " how long was your training?" i say, oh, about 8 weeks. She looks puzzled and says " My training was six weeks, I should have done the other two weeks and been a pilot......"

I sh*t you not.............

Ummmm, I can give you a crash course in my room!:laugh:

 

[doh]

After enduring the typical questions from the guy next to me on a deadhead (late 20's-early 30's, probably still-lived-with-Mom type sorta like the "Sweeeeet" guy in the Dodge commercials) he gets this far-away look in his eyes and says in all seriousness: "Wow, you guys must get laid all the time."

That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard. This is the dumbest question I've ever been asked:

You shoulda told him "every night! unfortunately I'm all alone when it happens!:blush: :0

 

[ATRCAPT]

I was commuting home from OAK on a particularly crappy, rainy day. A QX Q-400 was at the next gate over. Some tool turned to me and said, "My God, they aren't going to fly the prop plane in weather like this are they?" I wanted to rip his arm off, and beat him to death with the bloody end.

 

[scott hall]

I have had pilots ask me when they would get a fair contract.....LMAO!

 

[MJG]

Well after reading through all 24 pages of this thread I can't believe no one else has been asked this before but about a year ago in the terminal in EWR a lady turns to me and says "why do you guys bring a suit case?", I kid you not.

Other fond memories:

From the 1900 days,

Q- Smart*ss passenge asks "What's the inflight movie?"
A- "Ha ha good one, it's actually Gone With the Wind"

About 3 years and 2000 hours of Beech time later:
Q- Different smart*ss passenger "What's the inflight movie?"
A- without even breaking a smile "A documentary on why small planes crash"

More fond memories:
Q- "Are you our pilot today?"
A- "No but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night"

Couple months ago I went back into the cabin after the passengers had aleady boarded to get a pillow to support my lower back. Nice looking lady looks at me and says "what do you need that for?" Without hesitation I tell her that "I'm really tired and I want to sleep on the flight back". She was speechless.

About a year ago deadheading in the cabin, the guy sitting across the aisle looks over at me. "You're a pilot huh?" "Yea" I reply. This d**che bag says to me "boy that must be tough on your marriage." I wanted to punch him right in the face.

 

[ERJpusher]

I was going to the back of an already-boarded aircraft to use the lav prior to departure. On my way back, some dude yells, "Hey!! You goin' back there to puke because you're too drunk to fly? Heh, heh, heh!" Well, he wasn't laughing long, and neither was anyone else after I pulled myself from the flight for a drug test. The gate agent said all of the other pax were staring daggers into the guy after the flight was announced as "Cancelled".

My favorite story came from a female FO that had just started with our company. She was previously an FO on a B-1900. It was customary to leave the cockpit curtain open during the flight, so the passengers could see everything that was going on up front. The captain was flying. He pushed the throttles up for takeoff and the FO put her hand behind the levers as per procedure. After the flight, a woman was deplaning and said to the crew, "Unbelievable. How dare you act like that?" The captain and the FO looked at each other in bewilderment. A few days later, the FO got a call from the Chief Pilot. He said that a passenger on that flight had written a complaint letter, stating that "the Flight Attendant was holding hands with the captain during takeoff." Furthermore, the FA never served any drinks, either.

CLASSIC...

 

[Flyingdutchman]

how about the best when youre a non rev.. is this airplane safe? yeah i like to fly on dangerous airplanes...

HAHAH

happenend to me as well...

"sir, is this airplane safe ?"

"well, would I be on it if I thought it isnt !?"

 

[ATRCAPT]

I was commuting from SEA to PDX on a Horizon DHC8 a couple of years ago, and for whatever reason the airplane had been down graded to CAT I only. There was fog at PDX and the crew ended up going missed on the ILS and diverted to Redmond to wait out the wx. While climbing out of PDX the FO made a PA explaining that they had missed the approach and would be proceeding to the alternate. While we were sitting on the ramp in Redmond a woman in the row in front of me called her husband on her cell phone telling him to call their lawyer. She wanted to sue the airline for incompetence because the Pilots "completely missed the airport".

When she hung up I tactfully explained what had actually happened.

Stupid woman. Get away from me, I could save your life.