Tricks on FA's

[27 driver]

Looking for some good tricks or funny PA announcements to play on a few FA's I am flying with. Nothing hurtful or anything like that. Just some funny stuff. Any help would be appreciated.

 

[ALGFLYR]

When u make a pre-departure announcement, say that you would like to introduce your pax to your lead FA (or whatever position she is working). Amy (or whatever her name is) has been with us for x number of years... while she is one of our best FA's, I am sad to announce that this is her last flight with (your airline)... She has decided to leave our airline to pursue a career on the professional womans bowlers tour.... As it turns out, she is quite the bowler... I would ask that you each wish her well in her new career choice once she leaves (your airline)... Thank you, and we should be underway shortly...

Once airborne, ask her what the pax said to her...

 

[Pilot Knob]

It's so and so's Birthday is always good. 100+ birthday wishes during the flight. And you're seated in the comfort of the cockpit. Priceless.

I also once introduced the FA as the Midwestern Regional Barrel racing champion. I liked that one.

 

[tomgoodman]

This could be the most dangerous thread since "How to Tease a Cape Buffalo". :erm:

 

[ImbracableCrunk]

Flight attendant X has just come back from winning the Nebraska State Hog Calling Championship. If you ask nicely, yada yada.

Air Sample for maintenance is a good one, too.

 

[flyburg]

Ha, I know a funny one!

On my airline they have onboard duty free sales. The fa's get a percentage of the sales they make onboard. It comes down to a few extra bucks in the montly paycheck. It's always funny to ask the fa's if they saw the recent memo that states that the pilots get's a percentage of the onboard sales as well. 

 

[LearLove]

really?

 

[Fubijaakr]

I once said the A had just returned from the Interline Hockey Championships where our team won the silver and as our #1 goalie she posted a .02 Goals Against Average.

 

[waveflyer]

If theyre new, Wrap a $20 in the ACARS printer- then in front of them swipe your debit card over it- get your airplane to beep as you do, then feed the printer out- straightfaced, put your money away and ask her if she needs to get cash since that feature works now...

If they're hot and you like them- say over the PA that she's going to be the next bachelorette. Or if cougar age, say the next Real Housewives of las Vegas. PAs are limitless.

If your plane has a strong gasper that points up or angled- with the gaspers off put powder coffee creamer in and turn it closed- then turn the gasper fan back on and get it a little warm.... And wait for them to look for some cool air.... That's funny but HAS to be the right kind of person

 

[zonejumper]

I've heard, "our airline has some of the best FAs in the industry, unfortunately, none of them are working this flight."

One of the best ones used was, "please pay attention to the FAs safety demo and follow their requests. Doing so will not only make your flight more pleasant, it will help me have a good day as well!"

 

[waveflyer]

Yeah.;-) " as awful as she might be, please remember- you have her for an hour, I've got to deal with her ALL day ...."

 

[zonejumper]

Yeah.;-) " as awful as she might be, please remember- you have her for an hour, I've got to deal with her ALL day ...."

Someone is either very stupid or has big balls......

 

[J.Otto]

If theyre new, Wrap a $20 in the ACARS printer- then in front of them swipe your debit card over it- get your airplane to beep as you do, then feed the printer out- straightfaced, put your money away and ask her if she needs to get cash since that feature works now...

:laugh:



......

 

[crxpilot]

Hey kids, see that orange button with the person on it? The flight attendants love it when you push it over and over....

 

[Uncle Bunkle]

Looking for some good tricks or funny PA announcements to play on a few FA's I am flying with. Nothing hurtful or anything like that. Just some funny stuff. Any help would be appreciated.

Don't sleep where you shiitt. You're only asking this if you're trying to hook up with one of those nasty cows.

 

[Ty Webb]

I like telling new lead FA's during my brief that "We'll be overwater on this one," when you're going, say, from ATL to Wichita. They usually figure out halfway through the lifejacket demo. It's like "Geography Bee- Survivor".

 

[JT12345]

Hey kids, see that orange button with the person on it? The flight attendants love it when you push it over and over....

Awesome

 

[zonejumper]

Don't sleep where you shiitt. You're only asking this if you're trying to hook up with one of those nasty cows.

Amen, brother! I do hope you're true to your feelings and let your obvious disdain for "those nasty cows" shine through. You wouldn't be one of those wusses who act all warm and fuzzy in front of your fellow crew members BUT talk shiit about them behind their backs. That would make you a phony, or worse yet, a coward. Right, Uncle?

 

[C-150ETOPS]

Always wanted to do this PA on a senior Mama' widebody flight but the Captains never let me:

"Welcome aboard ladies and gentlemen on our flight to......................................now sit back and relax and enjoy our Flight Attendants 500+ years of inflight service experience." :nuts:

The fun that can be had when you don't want to eat

 

[Hamfighter]

Sometimes I like to hide their canes.

 

[Data]

You can wreak havoc on the ones going thru menopause (which is most of them) with the temp knob.

 

[SWA GUY]

Tell the newby that there is a "lav overheat" and get them to put ice down it for the next 20 minutes. Then thank them for SAVING THE DAY!

 

[dougdrvr]

One of my favorites was the EPA air sample check. Instruct the newbie that sometime during the flight, take two paper cup and walk the entire length of the cabin with a scooping motion, over the passengers heads. Put the two cups together at the end of your "pass", tape them together and write down the time and date.

Actually got someone to do it once, but usually the seniors would intercede.

 

[Fubijaakr]

Don't sleep where you shiitt. You're only asking this if you're trying to hook up with one of those nasty cows.

What, you give up on the gays, grannies and grandes rant, Capt. Taylor?

 

[RiddleEagle18]

Take some yogurt and put it in a paper bag. Before landing call the FA's and tell them the FO isnt feeling well and hes been throwing up.

When you land and open the door have the FA come up. Have the FO holding the bag open and talk about how he thinks he ate something bad. The FA usually asks what hes had? FO opens the bag and says Im not really sure? Sticks his finger in and licks it. The capt then takes the bag with some sort of "let me see" comment and does the same.

 

[zippy32]

"Welcome aboard Flt 23. We some of our best flight attendants here to help you today. Cindy in the front is extremely talented and speaks 7 different languages. She is fluent in Spanish, French, German, Italian, Chinese, and Japanese. If you speak any of these languages, then make sure to order your drinks in that language and she'll love to have a conversation with you."

 

[charlie2]

Take some yogurt and put it in a paper bag. Before landing call the FA's and tell them the FO isnt feeling well and hes been throwing up.

When you land and open the door have the FA come up. Have the FO holding the bag open and talk about how he thinks he ate something bad. The FA usually asks what hes had? FO opens the bag and says Im not really sure? Sticks his finger in and licks it. The capt then takes the bag with some sort of "let me see" comment and does the same.

Awesome. It would even be better if they ate at the same place and had the same thing!

 

[CFIT]

Write on the FMS scratch pad "overhead bin 5A open", bring the FA up into the cockpit and show them the message. When they leave to check the bin, change it to some other number or side, repeat a couple of times, then write, "you're an idiot".

Get your own coffee for the rest of the trip.

Probably should just leave them alone.

As the old saying goes; "show me a man willing to sleep with a Flight Attendant, and I'll show you a man who's too lazy to jackoff".

 

[PBRstreetgang]

Replace their birth control pills with tic tacs, but this is really more of a trick on the F/O.

 

[bizjet800]

When u make a pre-departure announcement, say that you would like to introduce your pax to your lead FA (or whatever position she is working). Amy (or whatever her name is) has been with us for x number of years... while she is one of our best FA's, I am sad to announce that this is her last flight with (your airline)... She has decided to leave our airline to pursue a career on the professional womans bowlers tour.... As it turns out, she is quite the bowler... I would ask that you each wish her well in her new career choice once she leaves (your airline)... Thank you, and we should be underway shortly...

Once airborne, ask her what the pax said to her...

I would also add, "Leave your feet out of the aisle, she might be practicing!"

I heard one: the announcer said something like, welcome aboard, our marginal crew (then a fake grunt from a punch) oops, our exceptional crew....is here to serve you....