Tricks on FA's

[Data]

You can wreak havoc on the ones going thru menopause (which is most of them) with the temp knob.

 

[SWA GUY]

Tell the newby that there is a "lav overheat" and get them to put ice down it for the next 20 minutes. Then thank them for SAVING THE DAY!

 

[dougdrvr]

One of my favorites was the EPA air sample check. Instruct the newbie that sometime during the flight, take two paper cup and walk the entire length of the cabin with a scooping motion, over the passengers heads. Put the two cups together at the end of your "pass", tape them together and write down the time and date.

Actually got someone to do it once, but usually the seniors would intercede.

 

[Fubijaakr]

Don't sleep where you shiitt. You're only asking this if you're trying to hook up with one of those nasty cows.

What, you give up on the gays, grannies and grandes rant, Capt. Taylor?

 

[RiddleEagle18]

Take some yogurt and put it in a paper bag. Before landing call the FA's and tell them the FO isnt feeling well and hes been throwing up.

When you land and open the door have the FA come up. Have the FO holding the bag open and talk about how he thinks he ate something bad. The FA usually asks what hes had? FO opens the bag and says Im not really sure? Sticks his finger in and licks it. The capt then takes the bag with some sort of "let me see" comment and does the same.

 

[zippy32]

"Welcome aboard Flt 23. We some of our best flight attendants here to help you today. Cindy in the front is extremely talented and speaks 7 different languages. She is fluent in Spanish, French, German, Italian, Chinese, and Japanese. If you speak any of these languages, then make sure to order your drinks in that language and she'll love to have a conversation with you."

 

[charlie2]

Take some yogurt and put it in a paper bag. Before landing call the FA's and tell them the FO isnt feeling well and hes been throwing up.

When you land and open the door have the FA come up. Have the FO holding the bag open and talk about how he thinks he ate something bad. The FA usually asks what hes had? FO opens the bag and says Im not really sure? Sticks his finger in and licks it. The capt then takes the bag with some sort of "let me see" comment and does the same.

Awesome. It would even be better if they ate at the same place and had the same thing!

 

[CFIT]

Write on the FMS scratch pad "overhead bin 5A open", bring the FA up into the cockpit and show them the message. When they leave to check the bin, change it to some other number or side, repeat a couple of times, then write, "you're an idiot".

Get your own coffee for the rest of the trip.

Probably should just leave them alone.

As the old saying goes; "show me a man willing to sleep with a Flight Attendant, and I'll show you a man who's too lazy to jackoff".

 

[PBRstreetgang]

Replace their birth control pills with tic tacs, but this is really more of a trick on the F/O.

 

[bizjet800]

When u make a pre-departure announcement, say that you would like to introduce your pax to your lead FA (or whatever position she is working). Amy (or whatever her name is) has been with us for x number of years... while she is one of our best FA's, I am sad to announce that this is her last flight with (your airline)... She has decided to leave our airline to pursue a career on the professional womans bowlers tour.... As it turns out, she is quite the bowler... I would ask that you each wish her well in her new career choice once she leaves (your airline)... Thank you, and we should be underway shortly...

Once airborne, ask her what the pax said to her...

I would also add, "Leave your feet out of the aisle, she might be practicing!"

I heard one: the announcer said something like, welcome aboard, our marginal crew (then a fake grunt from a punch) oops, our exceptional crew....is here to serve you....

 

[COOPERVANE]

With a sharpie write the CPT and FO names along with the newby FA on a plastic cup. Sneak up a bottle of apple juice and warm up on the glareshield.

Upon landing in domicile fill up CPT and FO cup with warm apple juice. Tell newby "we have been elected for random drug test". Present them along with HER empty cup. Inform her it is her job as newby to deliver "specimens" to chief flight attendant with her own sample as well.

 

[BILL LUMBERG]

Eat FIRST, get your drinks FIRST.....Then,

When you go out on break, ask the stew guarding the door to give you another trash bag because you got a lot of stuff to toss out.....

Take it with you to the can if able......take your pen and slice the bottom of the bag from end to end and then fold it back up neatly.....

When you walk back out of he lav, say that you saw some people who need a trash pickup run.....as you go back in, hand the rolled up (neatly) bag to the stew in the cockpit...and ask her to help out the folks by doing a quick run through of the cabin.....There will always be somebody wanting to dump something, she'll open the bag and somebody will inevitably place that half empty coke or a cup of coffee in it and it'll dump through on her shoes......

You are locked up front and always make sure you got all you need before you pull this one off, because you can bet whatever you ask for after that, it'll be messed with.

 

[Ty Webb]

I hear the ''just the tip" trick is still quite popular . . . .imp:

 

[Whine Lover]

A really fun one:

Draw a mustache and two eyes on your dickhead and then sit in your seat with your pants off while talking like Scarface and repeating "say hallo to my Li'l Friend! " Then hit the F/A call button and watch the hilarity that ensues...


TGR

 

[Tail Gunner Joe]

A really fun one:

Draw a mustache and two eyes on your dickhead and then sit in your seat with your pants off while talking like Scarface and repeating "say hallo to my Li'l Friend! " Then hit the F/A call button and watch the hilarity that ensues...


TGR

I think that one is frowned upon.
Thanks alot bin Laden.

 

[UpNDownGuy]

I was jumpseating years ago on a United DC-10. They had me hang in the forward galley with the #1 FA waiting to see if a good seat was open. The Captain (who was 59 1/2 if he was a minute), made his welcome aboard PA. He concluded by saying, "I also wanted to add this is a pretty special day for me. Our purser today is XXX XXX, who has been an aviation hero of mine since I was a small boy."

Steam came out of her ears, and she bolted for the cockpit. The FE saw her coming and slammed the cockpit door. Unfortunately, that left me out there with her.

No good seat for me.

 

[skidbuggy]

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/128...-gives-kids-another-reason-to-idolize-pilots/


Here they don't have Peter the Pickle Puffer

 

[thinairupthere]

This goes along the lines of the LAV overheat- LAV over pressurization malfunction.

Tell the FA she needs to go back and hold the flapper valve open with something and flush several times to equalize the pressure or risk the LAV back flowing into the cabin.

Tried and true.

 

[27 driver]

Don't sleep where you shiitt. You're only asking this if you're trying to hook up with one of those nasty cows.

Don't know what the F your are talking about but what ever. I like to have fun. If you don't then move on and don't read the thread.

 

[Jim Smyth]

The best one over the years for me required a group effort with the other Flight Attendants and Especially the Gate agent. The New FA gets handed a note (Coctail napkin) right before they close the door for departure. The other FA's make sure there no where around when she receives the Cocktail napkin so she has to deal with it.

On the cocktail napkin it reads "ANNETA MANN". The Gate agent will ask her to page this person. After about 2-3 pages with her asking for this person to please ring there flight attendant call button I usually get on the PA and tell them "Folks" is there any other airline other than Southwest where a FA asks for a Man? Guys don't be bashful and ring those call buttons.

Usually a lots of laughs and requires me to buy dinner that evening, but Paybacks are a Biatch! I needed to lock my luggage over the year's for all the stuff they load in there when I'm not around.