Toilet Seat Cover question

[jws717]

When one removes the said toilet seat condom when does one separate the flappy end from the ring? I was using one just the other day and became concerned if was to tear it from the ring or pray that my "substance" would have the weight to break it from the ring? After a eating a healthy meal at an imitation TocoBell, cause regional pilots cant possibly afford the real one, I was worried that my "substance", which would easily flow through a screen door, would break the paper or if the liquid would be absorbed like a sponge and contaminate the ring leading to skin contamination. Then i thought about the shear force that liquid has when flow is restricted and i was at ease with my decision to leave both ends attached.The challenges we face everyday outside the cockpit are sometimes more risky than actually flying!

I have suffered this cruel fate before. I now punch out the flap every time.

 

[Northern Lights]

A real regional pilot can use jedi mind tricks on his GI tract and hold off till the hotel..... thus allow himself to relax all while cocking the bi-fold closet mirror door properly so he can watch TV while sitting and reading OK! celeb magazine....

HA! That's awesome! The closer I get to the hotel room, the stronger the urge gets.

If I must use the terminal, the seat gets double wiped with sani-coms.

 

[Jabwmu]

Anyone ever do a urinal deuce?

 

[epic!]

Build a nest using tp. 2 or 3 layers thick is perfect.

 

[epic!]

also what was the tyler wojo incident the great lakes report referred to?

 

[HoserASA]

As I have never been positive where the flap is suppose to go, I just use two arse gaskets, each with the flap placed in oppostie directions for maximum protection!

Hoser
Roll Tide!

 

[el diablo126]

who does #2 work for!?!

 

[mesaserf]

A couple of years ago our outfit put on a feed for the crew and rampers who had to work on Thanksgiving. I got there a bit late but managed to scrape enough off of the trays to make a plate full and took it back to the airplane. Now fast-forward about 24 hours to the last leg of my trip. While on the arrival about 100 miles out I got the first indication that I might be in for some trouble.

Man I tell you what, buy short final I was sweating bullets! I taxied so fast I don’t even think the spoilers retracted on the wings until I hit the ramp check point. Then guess what? Yep! Ramp told us to hold because our gate was still occupied. Buy this point I was in tears as we taxied to the hold ramp. I set the brakes and told my now amused F/O he had the controls while calling F/A #1 to tell her I was coming out. My ass cheeks were clenched so tight I damn near took the seat cushion with me as I jumped up and opened the flight deck door. Much to my chagrin the door banged loudly against the F/A jump seat. In a high pitched voice I told the dizzy cow to please stow said seat so I could open the #%#!(* door!

Finally! I leap into the forward lav and commence to make some serious ass mud. I mean you know you have some good head pressure when the spring loaded toilet flap is banging furiously against the back of the tank. Noise? I was about as subtle as a Jake brake on a Freight Liner going down Donner Pass. Smell? I could have knocked a buzzard off a sh*t wagon at twenty paces!

About ten minuets later I came out red faced and feeling rung out like a dishrag. In the front row was an elderly couple glaring daggers at me as I slinked back to the flight deck.

The moral of the story? I now skip JO’s free food it’s better for me in the long run.

 

[CRJ puppy]

A couple of years ago our outfit put on a feed for the crew and rampers who had to work on Thanksgiving. I got there a bit late but managed to scrape enough off of the trays to make a plate full and took it back to the airplane. Now fast-forward about 24 hours to the last leg of my trip. While on the arrival about 100 miles out I got the first indication that I might be in for some trouble.

Man I tell you what, buy short final I was sweating bullets! I taxied so fast I don’t even think the spoilers retracted on the wings until I hit the ramp check point. Then guess what? Yep! Ramp told us to hold because our gate was still occupied. Buy this point I was in tears as we taxied to the hold ramp. I set the breaks and told my now amused F/O he had the controls while calling F/A #1 to tell her I was coming out. My ass cheeks were clenched so tight I damn near took the seat cushion with me as I jumped up and opened the flight deck door. Much to my chagrin the door banged loudly against the F/A jump seat. In a high pitched voice I told the dizzy cow to please stow said seat so I could open the #%#!(* door!

Finally! I leap into the forward lav and commence to make some serious ass mud. I mean you know you have some good head pressure when the spring loaded toilet flap is banging furiously against the back of the tank. Noise? I was about as subtle as a Jake brake on a Freight Liner going down Donner Pass. Smell? I could have knocked a buzzard off a sh*t wagon at twenty paces!

About ten minuets later I came out red faced and feeling rung out like a dishrag. In the front row was an elderly couple glaring daggers at me as I slinked back to the flight deck.

The moral of the story? I now skip JO’s free food it’s better for me in the long run.

Stop it PLEASE!

I'm laughing and crying at the same time.....

 

[CRJ puppy]

:bawling:

Too late...I just "sharted".....