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Toilet Seat Cover question

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s3jetman said:
When one removes the said toilet seat condom when does one separate the flappy end from the ring? I was using one just the other day and became concerned if was to tear it from the ring or pray that my "substance" would have the weight to break it from the ring? After a eating a healthy meal at an imitation TocoBell, cause regional pilots cant possibly afford the real one, I was worried that my "substance", which would easily flow through a screen door, would break the paper or if the liquid would be absorbed like a sponge and contaminate the ring leading to skin contamination. Then i thought about the shear force that liquid has when flow is restricted and i was at ease with my decision to leave both ends attached.The challenges we face everyday outside the cockpit are sometimes more risky than actually flying!
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I have suffered this cruel fate before. I now punch out the flap every time.
 
Rez O. Lewshun said:
A real regional pilot can use jedi mind tricks on his GI tract and hold off till the hotel..... thus allow himself to relax all while cocking the bi-fold closet mirror door properly so he can watch TV while sitting and reading OK! celeb magazine....
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HA! That's awesome! The closer I get to the hotel room, the stronger the urge gets.

If I must use the terminal, the seat gets double wiped with sani-coms.
 
Anyone ever do a urinal deuce?
 
As I have never been positive where the flap is suppose to go, I just use two arse gaskets, each with the flap placed in oppostie directions for maximum protection!

Hoser
Roll Tide!
 
A couple of years ago our outfit put on a feed for the crew and rampers who had to work on Thanksgiving. I got there a bit late but managed to scrape enough off of the trays to make a plate full and took it back to the airplane. Now fast-forward about 24 hours to the last leg of my trip. While on the arrival about 100 miles out I got the first indication that I might be in for some trouble.

Man I tell you what, buy short final I was sweating bullets! I taxied so fast I don’t even think the spoilers retracted on the wings until I hit the ramp check point. Then guess what? Yep! Ramp told us to hold because our gate was still occupied. Buy this point I was in tears as we taxied to the hold ramp. I set the brakes and told my now amused F/O he had the controls while calling F/A #1 to tell her I was coming out. My ass cheeks were clenched so tight I damn near took the seat cushion with me as I jumped up and opened the flight deck door. Much to my chagrin the door banged loudly against the F/A jump seat. In a high pitched voice I told the dizzy cow to please stow said seat so I could open the #%#!(* door!

Finally! I leap into the forward lav and commence to make some serious ass mud. I mean you know you have some good head pressure when the spring loaded toilet flap is banging furiously against the back of the tank. Noise? I was about as subtle as a Jake brake on a Freight Liner going down Donner Pass. Smell? I could have knocked a buzzard off a sh*t wagon at twenty paces!

About ten minuets later I came out red faced and feeling rung out like a dishrag. In the front row was an elderly couple glaring daggers at me as I slinked back to the flight deck.

The moral of the story? I now skip JO’s free food it’s better for me in the long run.
 
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mesaserf said:
A couple of years ago our outfit put on a feed for the crew and rampers who had to work on Thanksgiving. I got there a bit late but managed to scrape enough off of the trays to make a plate full and took it back to the airplane. Now fast-forward about 24 hours to the last leg of my trip. While on the arrival about 100 miles out I got the first indication that I might be in for some trouble.

Man I tell you what, buy short final I was sweating bullets! I taxied so fast I don’t even think the spoilers retracted on the wings until I hit the ramp check point. Then guess what? Yep! Ramp told us to hold because our gate was still occupied. Buy this point I was in tears as we taxied to the hold ramp. I set the breaks and told my now amused F/O he had the controls while calling F/A #1 to tell her I was coming out. My ass cheeks were clenched so tight I damn near took the seat cushion with me as I jumped up and opened the flight deck door. Much to my chagrin the door banged loudly against the F/A jump seat. In a high pitched voice I told the dizzy cow to please stow said seat so I could open the #%#!(* door!

Finally! I leap into the forward lav and commence to make some serious ass mud. I mean you know you have some good head pressure when the spring loaded toilet flap is banging furiously against the back of the tank. Noise? I was about as subtle as a Jake brake on a Freight Liner going down Donner Pass. Smell? I could have knocked a buzzard off a sh*t wagon at twenty paces!

About ten minuets later I came out red faced and feeling rung out like a dishrag. In the front row was an elderly couple glaring daggers at me as I slinked back to the flight deck.

The moral of the story? I now skip JO’s free food it’s better for me in the long run.
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Stop it PLEASE!

I'm laughing and crying at the same time.....

:eek:
 
epic! said:
also what was the tyler wojo incident the great lakes report referred to?
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Captain Wojo explains to his B1900 full of pax that he needs to "check something" in the aft compartment. Performs the walk of shame, folds down the flap between the cabin and aft cargo, clambers over the last row of seats and the bulkhead, and restores the flap to it's closed position. Now in privacy, (albeit pitch darkness) and flailing about on top of the luggage heap, he retrieves a prepositioned hotel laundry bag from his suitcase (always prepared), and positions it over the aircraft's spare tire, an arrangmeent that yields convenience and comfort. Once nature has been eased, our good Captain ties off the laundry bag, repeats the maneuver and returns to his seat, calm, cool collected.
 
MALSR said:
Do I have time to put down the ass gasket (those thin, waxy, tissue type toilet paper-like seat covers offered in public bathrooms- see link below) or should I just sit down on the Hepatitis infested bare toilet seat?
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http://forums.flightinfo.com/showthread.php?t=44435&highlight=diarreah+freighter

If you like the direction this thread is going, you'll love the link above.

I think the whole toilet seat thing is a bit overblown. I think 20/20 or some other type of investigative reporting show swabbed public toilet seats, door knobs, subway holding bars (the ones you hang onto when you're standing up) and other public hard surface type things and found that that public toilet seats actually were pretty clean compared to the others. If I remember correctly, I think one of the dirtiest things that they ended up swabbing were the subway holding bars, and most people grab onto those with their hands without even a second thought.
 
I think everyone overreacts when it comes to public toilets! If I have to deuce, I'm gonna go without thinking twice. I have flown with FOs that have to deuce all day from the first flight in the morning and refuse to use the airport restrooms. Instead the hold it all day until they get to the hotel. It's crazy!

I'll wipe the seat with toilet paper, then sit directly down on the seat. The paper covering is just too annoying. HOWEVER, I will use the cover if there is visible evidence of anything on the seat. Then the flap goes forward, to protect the boys and to not create a "flow" conflict between me and the water. I feel the session is far more comfortable and satisfying without the stupid paper cover.

We are far more suseptable to airborne germs that we breathe, than what's on a toilet seat. It's been proven that what we touch with our hands is far dirtier. I dunno about you guys, but my butt and legs don't come anywhere near
my mouth, nose and eyes. Those are the major gateway points for germs.
 
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Cardinal said:
Captain Wojo explains to his B1900 full of pax that he needs to "check something" in the aft compartment. Performs the walk of shame, folds down the flap between the cabin and aft cargo, clambers over the last row of seats and the bulkhead, and restores the flap to it's closed position. Now in privacy, (albeit pitch darkness) and flailing about on top of the luggage heap, he retrieves a prepositioned hotel laundry bag from his suitcase (always prepared), and positions it over the aircraft's spare tire, an arrangmeent that yields convenience and comfort. Once nature has been eased, our good Captain ties off the laundry bag, repeats the maneuver and returns to his seat, calm, cool collected.
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I flew with Wojo myself and when we passed through 10 I said, "ok dude, lets here it, tell me the story about you taking a dump in the cargo compartment." Here's what he told me: He had diarrhea enroute so the only thing he could think to do is take down the bulkhead and climb into the cargo compartment. He told the passengers in the back row, one of them being a hot female, that they just got a call on the radio and that he had to go into the cargo compartment and check to see if a certain bag was there. Once in the cargo compartment with the bulkhead back in place, he shat into the tupperware that holds spare bulbs, ignitors, etc. He then climbed back into the cabin, passed the hot lady, and back to the cockpit.

There are several reasons I think the story is BS. One, how could you see in a pitch black cargo compartment. Two, nobody has enough dexterity to take down the bulkhead of a be1900, climb over the back rows of seats and into the cargo compartment all while fighting off the urge to sneeze out of your ass at the same time. Three, everytime I hear the story it has some major discrepancies compared to the story he told me. With all that said, the story is still legendary as evidenced by the passion in which it is still told.
 
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Jabwmu said:
I like the demostration. However it doesn't seem complete. At what point are you suppose to urinate all over the seat and on the toilet paper roll?
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NOW I just about shat myself laughing at that!

What about recycling the paper a$$-gasket in these environmentally conscious times? You've really only pressed the ham to one side - stuff it back in the dispenser for the next person to use! They'll see how eco-friendly you are and say "thank you" (well, at least it will probably rhyme with "thank you").
 
DX Jake said:
This has to be the funniest thing I have ever read. EVER.
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Then you need to go to the cargo forum, take a few days and a case of beer and go through the "diarrhea on a freighter" thread...

all 50 pages or whatever it's up to!

Course we had "Captain Poopy-pants" at Crapex er Corpex-he didn't get to use the assgasket-he used the sheepskin seat cushion of the jetstream and had himself a mud jacuzzi!
 
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