Stupidest Aviation Question You Ever Got Asked/Heard

[A Squared]

The other concerns a C172 driver at same airport. Call on the radio:

I need to know who fueled piston popper xxxx!

Me: I did why?

CSR: Pilot wants to make sure you put 100LL in his plane.

Me: Send him out here.

It was ten o'clock at night, so I looked at him and said, "Let me guess... You sumped your wing and you can't see the proper color?"

Him: Yes.

Me: I showed him how to tell the difference between Jet A and 100LL without looking at the color. I also showed him the J-Spout on a Jet A truck, you know the one that is about twice as large as a the fuel port on a 172. I told him that my fueler has a lot of patience if he fills a 172 with a J Spout

With all due respect, being concerned about his fuel is not stupid. Getting Jet A in piston aircraft happens on a fairly regular basis, despite the existence of larger nozzles. Not all Jet A nozzles are that big, and thare are other ways for Jet A to get into avgas. So he didn't know how to tell without seeing the color, well now he does. It doesn't make him stupid for not knowing, and it certainly doesn't make him stupid for asking.

 

[mattpilot]

ahhhhhh haaaaa

we did a tour of TUL tower in my ATC ops class and some retard asked where the atis guy was....maybe the same kid

So you did/do go to spartan?

The instructor that i had for the last 3 years, Travis I. (he moved on to XJT), taught ATC ops and he said that happened on one of his trips.

Comon..... give me a name ...

 

[paulsalem]

With all due respect, being concerned about his fuel is not stupid. Getting Jet A in piston aircraft happens on a fairly regular basis, despite the existence of larger nozzles. Not all Jet A nozzles are that big, and thare are other ways for Jet A to get into avgas. So he didn't know how to tell without seeing the color, well now he does. It doesn't make him stupid for not knowing, and it certainly doesn't make him stupid for asking.

This thread is soley for the purpose of making fun of others. Don't bring your "logic" into this forum!

 

[A Squared]

This thread is soley for the purpose of making fun of others. Don't bring your "logic" into this forum!

Oh, sorry. My Bad.

 

[mayday1]

a couple of years ago when I told my girlfriend that one of the private pilot tasks is a short field landing over a 50ft obstacle, she thought they actually had some obstacle placed at the approach end of the runway during this task... : )

"Tower, this is uh, skyhawk 7AF, can you roll that 50ft obstacle out for us..."

 

[paulsalem]

grammer

Didn't happen to me, heard about this from a friend:

A guy took his girlfriend up for a flight in a piston single. They take off and on climb out she asks "Where did the propellor go??"

I would have responded "Oh, its retractable like the landing gear."

 

[Typhoon1244]

"When you back away from the terminal, is that little truck pushing the airplane, or do you pull it along with you?"

"How long do you have to fly those [Brasilias] before they let you fly the real ones?"

[Upon seeing an American 757 in the 1960's "retro" paint scheme:] "You mean they haven't painted it since the Sixties?"

"You only have to have the engines on when you're climbing, right?"

 

[Wang Chung]

From my Convair 240 days...we were picking up some freight one night at a smallish airport in Quebec. The CA and I went into the FBO, got our freight weight and came up with a fuel load. I went back out to the plane only to find the line guy on top of the wing, adding fuel. I said that we hadn't asked for fuel yet - we just came up with our fuel load a minute ago. His response: I just thought you would want it topped off!!!

Hold it right there chief, it ain't a 152. It can hold 1500 gallons of 100LL...

Here's something a guy did at an airport that I used to fly from (not really a stupid thing, just funny and maybe a bit clever). This dude was a renter pilot who had his private, and rented from an airport with a restaurant on the field. He took his girlfriend flying one day...loaded up at the FBO, took off, flew around for a while, came back and landed, and taxied to the restaurant. The kicker: he told his girlfriend that they landed at a different airport for lunch!! They ate, took off and flew around for a while, then landed back at the home airport again and taxied to the FBO. The girl apparently never realized that their "hundred dollar hamburger" lunch wasn't a cross-country after all...

 

[NuGuy]

Two in the "Terminal" category:

Someone runs up to you in the terminal and demands (loudly) "Where is the flight to XXX????" . They assume, of course, that not only do you have every flight memorized, but took the time to memorize all the gates for today not only for your airline, but for all the other airlines as well.

Usually, once I figure out which airline they are booked on, it turns out their airline departs from the other terminal...the journey to which is at least 20-30 minutes.

My other fav is when someone runs up to you asking where the XXX concourse is. This usually happens as I am basking under the glow of the concourse sign for the one they are looking for, which happens to be 20 feet tall, and is illuminated with 3 million candlepower worth of light.

Nu

 

[BRIGADEAVIATOR]

jet fuel

With all due respect, being concerned about his fuel is not stupid. Getting Jet A in piston aircraft happens on a fairly regular basis, despite the existence of larger nozzles. Not all Jet A nozzles are that big, and thare are other ways for Jet A to get into avgas. So he didn't know how to tell without seeing the color, well now he does. It doesn't make him stupid for not knowing, and it certainly doesn't make him stupid for asking.

I mean seriously if you couldn't tell by the color of the avgas how could you not tell by the god awful stink of Jet A. (for those who haven't smelt it, smells like rotton eggs). Although i wonder what it smell like mixed with avgas?

 

[BRIGADEAVIATOR]

hahahahaha thats too funny!! smart, i mean like she really would question it lol. But i have to say the stupidest thing i heard was (and this was touched on before)

Him: "Should i wear a flightsuit on my crosscounty??"
Me: (look down shaking head laughing silently)

 

[bafanguy]

I came out of the cockpit at the gate and had a lady standing at the lav door ask me if it was OK to flush while we were on the ground.

Having taken a few train trips ( a very cool way to travel, by the way ) as a kid, I can remember seeing the tracks whiz by when the john was flushed and seeing a sigh in the john that said " Do Not flush While Train Is In The Station".

I assured her it was very OK. Got to cut people some slack. Not everybody travels a lot, even these days.

Life is short...be nice to people.

 

[Corona]

Lessee:

Student sets DG 20 degrees off actual compass heading (common mistake-we've all done it) before x-c flight. Naturally, we're off course pretty quick. I'm trying to get him to admit/deal with being lost, so I point to the shoreline inching up on the starboard side, attempting to orient said student and ask: "What ocean is that?" Answer: "Is that the Pacific?"

Another student, doing part of prep for Private checkride: Student power-on stalls very sloppy; 152 drops left wing violently. Student sez: "Your airplane!" and lets go the controls as we enter an incipient spin @2000'. Lotsa, lotsa, lotsa remedial instruction after that one.

Flying as F/O on bizjet; carrying a fun-loving group. One guy, before we board, sez the others once conviced him he was seeing Crater Lake below (it was some lake bed in CA), then they laughed at him. No problem, I said, I'll point out Crater Lake when we fly over.
'Bout one hour later, I point out my window at a lake and tell him "There's Crater Lake..." He says: "Really? Cool..." and scurries over to the window. "Hey, wait," he says "That's not Crater Lake! That's Lake Shasta!" Entire group of pax about dies laughing. "Azzhole!" he hollers at me. Good times. (Moral to the story: Don't talk to pilots.)

C

 

[PHX767]

You get tired of hearing from the pax ....

When flying the BE1900:
"I hate flying these little planes! I flew a bigger one last week."

When flying the MD80:
"I hate flying these little planes!I flew a bigger one last week"

When flying the 757:
"I hate flying these little planes!I flew a bigger one last week"

When flying the 767:
"I hate flying these little planes!I flew a bigger one last week"

And I am sure they will say on the first flight of the A-380:
"I hate flying these little planes!I flew a bigger one last week"

At least now I can say, "Well, it's your little plane. Buy a bigger one."

 

[DAS at 10/250]

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyJordan
I like the engine falling off part, I have wondered about this before, I dont really mean to make another stupidest question ever, but say for some reason the engine did "fall off" on a piston single, would that throw your CG to far out to still be able to land?



If you're talking about something like a 152/172, yeah you'd be a lawn dart.

no elevator authority...

........or so I'm told. Don't want to find out.

-mini

In Texas a couple of years back a C172 engine took the left wing off of an Air Force trainer (may have been a tweet), 172 lost it all firewall forward, AF guys punched out. CFI landed the plane without incident in a field. Aircraft would stall, recover, stall, recover, etc all the way to the ground.

 

[NuGuy]

Got to cut people some slack. Not everybody travels a lot, even these days.

Life is short...be nice to people.

Bafan, of course you are right...but there is a difference between a grandmother, or a mom trying to travel with 3 little ones and a dude who is just too self important to even breathe for himself.

Your profile says the CV-880...what in the world was that critter like to fly?? Any experience with the 990?

Nu

 

[KigAir]

Girl at work: Does your plane have an auto-pilot?
Me: Yes.
Girl at work: So you get to sleep while flying at night..
Me: Sure

 

[minitour]

In Texas a couple of years back a C172 engine took the left wing off of an Air Force trainer (may have been a tweet), 172 lost it all firewall forward, AF guys punched out. CFI landed the plane without incident in a field. Aircraft would stall, recover, stall, recover, etc all the way to the ground.

Wow...that's kinda cool to know...I'll have to share that one next time I head in for some ground. Thanks!

-mini

 

[AA717driver]

Me, laying in bed shortly after the AA buyout of TWA was finalized:

"Ahhhh. Finally I don't have to worry about losing my job... "

TC

 

[Princedietrich]

I overheard this one in the classroom at a major university's aviation department where I used to teach. A senior level instructor was doing ground school with a CFII candidate and asked the kid how many gyros are in the attitude indicator. The kid replied that there's one gyro, but the instructor immediately chastised him since there are TWO in there because it moves in the X and Y axis.

One day I was sitting in the lobby of our flight school at KLUK and this older guy in a red jogging suit comes in. He begins a several minute long tirate at us for ruining that perfectly good jogging path by putting an airport in the middle of it.

A noise complaint that came in to my current company about one of our learjets, the lady said that it flew THROUGH her house. When asked to clarify, she said it went right in the front door and right out the back door.

In the front office of a 727, I was at the panel and the FO was in the right seat (both of us in mid 20s) while the mid50s captain was greeting passengers as they boarded. An old lady gets on, looks at the captain, looks in the cockpit at us, cringes, and scurries to her seat. Her husband was right behind her and commented that she's afraid to fly and is glad to see a little gray hair in the cockpit because it means the captains knows what he's doing. The captain replied with a perfect poker face "Oh, I don't really know how to fly at all, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

Again in the 727, in the middle of the night over the carribean somewhere, one of the FAs comes in to check on us an asks how we're able to know where we're going if we can't see anything. The captain (same guy as the previous story) replies that it's with celestial navigation, and he uses that little telescope in the window above his head to look at the moon to determine position. She didn't believe him, so he offered her to look for herself. She spent a good 5 minutes perched on the armrest of his seat with her eye firmly pressed to the MAP LIGHT, fully convinced that the little glow she was seeing was the moon.

This exchange happened over KLUK tower freq years ago:
ME: Lunken Tower, Cessna 740, ILS 21L
Tower: Cessna 740, cleared to land 21L
(at this point a USA Jet Falcon 20 cut me off and joined the localizer less than half a mile in front of me)
Tower: Cessna 740..... is that a Falcon jet in front of you?!
ME: .............. sure looks like one sir..........
Falcon Jet: Lunken Tower, USA Jet XXXX with you on visual for 25.

 

[CE402]

Most rhetorical question in aviation:

"Do you want the Extra Value Meal?"

 

[Typhoon1244]

How about this one we've all heard: a passenger is trying to board with [choose one: a live alligator, a sixty-inch television, a two-hundred pound steamer trunk, etc.]. The flight attendant calmly explains that she can't allow that on the airplane.

And the passenger says...c'mon, all together now: "they let me do it on [choose one: United, American, Southwest, Delta, Asiana, Swissair, etc.]!"

 

[hydroflyer]

While in western Washington:

"Can you fly in the rain?"

 

[smellthejeta]

How about this one we've all heard: a passenger is trying to board with [choose one: a live alligator, a sixty-inch television, a two-hundred pound steamer trunk, etc.]. The flight attendant calmly explains that she can't allow that on the airplane.

And the passenger says...c'mon, all together now: "they let me do it on [choose one: United, American, Southwest, Delta, Asiana, Swissair, etc.]!"

I'd believe Saudi Arabian, Air India, or Aeroflot

 

[smellthejeta]

I mean seriously if you couldn't tell by the color of the avgas how could you not tell by the god awful stink of Jet A. (for those who haven't smelt it, smells like rotton eggs). Although i wonder what it smell like mixed with avgas?

I smell it so often that I can't smell it anymore. I'll mix it sometime and tell you... But most likely, with a mixed sample,I'd dump it on the ground. The avgas will evaporate very quickly, but the Jet A should stick around for awhile. If it all evaporates, it's 100LL.

*********

Back to our regularly scheduled programming....

The other night, it was raining pretty good. Plane pulls in, cars positioned about 5 feet from the aircraft door.

Pilot: "Can you bring the cars closer?"

Me: Puzzled look.

Pilot: "Like RIGHT NEXT to the aircraft door?"

Me and partner (in soaking when rain gear and still puzzled look): "OK"

Pilot proceeds to move the car himself. I mean geezuz.

 

[C425Driver]

From a charter passenger before she boarded the airplane: "Are we going to crash today?"
From another passenger who saw a C206 Amphib parked next to us on the ramp: "Can your plane (Baron) land in the water too?"

Me: "Yep. Once."

From my boss at the charter company to another pilot: "200 and a mile is VFR"

From a company spokesperson at Comair during the strike (paraphrased): "First Officers don't make much money because they don't fly the airplane. They are just there to help the Captain."

 

[Swede]

Again in the 727, in the middle of the night over the carribean somewhere, one of the FAs comes in to check on us an asks how we're able to know where we're going if we can't see anything. The captain (same guy as the previous story) replies that it's with celestial navigation, and he uses that little telescope in the window above his head to look at the moon to determine position. She didn't believe him, so he offered her to look for herself. She spent a good 5 minutes perched on the armrest of his seat with her eye firmly pressed to the MAP LIGHT, fully convinced that the little glow she was seeing was the moon.

I must get a bit crude here... the goal of this procedure (done ONLY to younger FA's, as scarce as these have become) is this... while she is searching for the moon in an awkward, bent-over position, the FE gets to check out HER "moon". Bonus viewing for CA and FO if her blouse is loose and unbuttoned.

 

[bafanguy]

Bafan, of course you are right...but there is a difference between a grandmother, or a mom trying to travel with 3 little ones and a dude who is just too self important to even breathe for himself.

Your profile says the CV-880...what in the world was that critter like to fly?? Any experience with the 990?

Nu

Nu,

You're right, but I tried not to laugh out loud to avoid making this lady feel foolish. The mental picture of scads of airliners crossing the country 24/7 jettisoning lav contents was almost too much.

DL only had the -880 and I was just a lowly FE, but the pilots loved it. AA was the only one of the majors with the -990 ( I think ). Modern Air Transport had -990's based in Berlin in the 60's...or at least they did when I interviewed with them.

 

[Princedietrich]

I must get a bit crude here... the goal of this procedure (done ONLY to younger FA's, as scarce as these have become) is this... while she is searching for the moon in an awkward, bent-over position, the FE gets to check out HER "moon". Bonus viewing for CA and FO if her blouse is loose and unbuttoned.

And just where do ya think my eyes were pointed? Definitely wasn't the generator lights or the bleed air.

 

[urflyingme?!]

It was the fuel levels wasn't it!!!


*****
I want to be a commercial pilot.
Them: So why aren't you in the Air Force...(No offense usaf guys)

I'm a Commercial Pilot
Them: So do you have your license?

Want to go to lunch at Catalina Island with me?
"But what if the plane sinks!"
or
"But what if there are too many people on the beach to land?"

THERES A FREAKIN AIRPORT

Best quote:
I called my friend who was about to get grilled by a check pilot at our school for not showing for a XC Check. I call him and he says: "The flight's gunna get weather'd , Plus I NEED me a shower. Tell him to hang on..."
That was probably the maddest I've ever seen a man in a tie!
(EX Air Force guys love it when they get to the airport at 6 AM and you're late, and then you tell them to hang on!)