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Some c5 hatin...

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Otto77

Snacko
Joined
Aug 21, 2005
Posts
361
...and now it's time for a little bit of C-5 hatin'....

"Crew, attention to the takeoff briefing. This will be a rolling, TRT,
military reject, unless we get airborne, in which case we'll declare an
emergency and start the "main gear failure to retract" checklist.

In case anyone does NOT see a safety of flight malfunction prior to
reaching "go" speed, shout "GO-GO-GO" loudly and enthusiastically, and
jump seat, you get on the radio and cancel the redball for jackstands.

In the likely event we have to abort the takeoff, we'll stop straight
ahead on the runway, egress the aircraft, and meet 200 feet off the
nose, where the copilot will enlist the help of the U.S. Census Bureau
to locate and count off the members of the crew, and possibly the
passengers if they have any time left.

Copilot, before raising the gear or actuating any switch or control,
ensure that TACC has been informed of our intentions and concurs with
all intended actions.

Flying time on this leg will be 5 hours with the gear up, or 8 hours
with the gear stuck down. If the destination weather goes below VFR,
we'll divert because AMC crews aren't allowed to fly the NDB approach
everyone else is flying there.

The forecast does call for severe clear icing on the climbout, but the
airman forecasting at the weather hub over a thousand miles away at
Scott says not to worry because the hail will probably knock the ice off
the wings anyway.

We'd plan on flying the same SID all the major airlines are using for
departure, but we didn't have two weeks advance notice to have the AMC
TERPS guys review it for us and get two-star approval to fly it. Instead
we'll get radar vectors that mirror the same SID we're not allowed to
fly, and depart with an enhanced sense of safety.

If there are no questions, that concludes the brief."
 
...and now it's time for a little bit of C-5 hatin'....

"Crew, attention to the takeoff briefing. This will be a rolling, TRT,
military reject, unless we get airborne, in which case we'll declare an
emergency and start the "main gear failure to retract" checklist.

In case anyone does NOT see a safety of flight malfunction prior to
reaching "go" speed, shout "GO-GO-GO" loudly and enthusiastically, and
jump seat, you get on the radio and cancel the redball for jackstands.

In the likely event we have to abort the takeoff, we'll stop straight
ahead on the runway, egress the aircraft, and meet 200 feet off the
nose, where the copilot will enlist the help of the U.S. Census Bureau
to locate and count off the members of the crew, and possibly the
passengers if they have any time left.

Copilot, before raising the gear or actuating any switch or control,
ensure that TACC has been informed of our intentions and concurs with
all intended actions.

Flying time on this leg will be 5 hours with the gear up, or 8 hours
with the gear stuck down. If the destination weather goes below VFR,
we'll divert because AMC crews aren't allowed to fly the NDB approach
everyone else is flying there.

The forecast does call for severe clear icing on the climbout, but the
airman forecasting at the weather hub over a thousand miles away at
Scott says not to worry because the hail will probably knock the ice off
the wings anyway.

We'd plan on flying the same SID all the major airlines are using for
departure, but we didn't have two weeks advance notice to have the AMC
TERPS guys review it for us and get two-star approval to fly it. Instead
we'll get radar vectors that mirror the same SID we're not allowed to
fly, and depart with an enhanced sense of safety.

If there are no questions, that concludes the brief."

Umm - what is the point here? That you guys talk way too much prior to take off?
 
Beautiful. Simply Beautiful.

If you see three C-5s on the ramp and two are on jacks, what's the problem?

They ran out of jacks.
 
Scrapdog skips every checklist known to mankind. Granted, fighter checklists take about 6.9 seconds to go through, but I'm pretty pretty sure Scrapdog skips them all.

As for you heavy guys.....checklists are stupid. :)
 
Before anyone freaks out, I'm actually one of the few fighter guys that actually does checklists.

I no-sh*t verbalize to my lone-idiot self in the cockpit everytime I throw the gear down "Handle down, 3 green, good hydraulics, speed brake out."

I got that from my UPT roommate. I no longer use the S/B in my jet, but it's a good habit.
 
Q: What's the max service ceiling of the C-5??
A: The height of the tail, plus the height of the jacks.
 
Magnum - the big question is do you leave the hot mike on so you don't feel alone? I'll admit I did for my frist few solo rides in tweets till my IP brought it up. As far as "heavy" checklists go - nw rumor is we're going to flows (that is until the next O-6 needs an OPR bullet and decides to "introduce" checklists as an enhancement to safety)
 
Otto77;1408573In the likely event we have to abort the takeoff said:
200 feet off the[/COLOR]
nose, where the copilot will enlist the help of the U.S. Census Bureau
to locate and count off the members of the crew, and possibly the
passengers if they have any time left.

I'd get further away than 200' from that POS.
 
Magnum - the big question is do you leave the hot mike on so you don't feel alone?

I don't think I can fly cold mic! Tried it a couple times, but I guess I like hearing myself breathe. Of course, you learn to be judicious in your comments lest you drop an F-bomb in your tape about the OG flying on your wing.
 
lest you drop an F-bomb in your tape about the OG flying on your wing

F**k 'im . . . .
 
I'd get further away than 200' from that POS.

I like how guys set a number of feet or yards off of the nose to egress.
A) I'm not counting paces as I get out of Dodge.
B) If I've got hot cargo in the back and the jet's on fire, I'm going to the next county.

The best line I've heard while briefing the egress is, "Run until you feel stupid."
 
Great post! For those of use who have flown FRED know the love/hate relationship with its well established MX history. That being said, when FRED arrives anywhere, everyone stop to watch...of course the crash crews with all the lights helps to let everyone know we're on the way in. Seriously, it's the best ride in the AF, and someday, even a C-17 guy can graduate to the Varsity.
 
As a lifelong C-17 guy (13+) years I fondly remember being Barney (Freds little friend) following the big guy on the strat path around the globe. Unfortunately somewhere along the way that dang little herky guy spilled his tac in my start and things ain't never gonna be the same. Oh sure there's the occaisional good deal now and then but for the most part its back and forth playing in the sandbox with the rest of the tacsters watching that truey magnificent beast of an airplane take it's crew's from hotel to hotel (sometimes hotel florida) and while a three day mission might turn into 12 I wonder if it is a better life than 120 deployed or yet another NVG local trying to better my skills and keep up with the 4 fan ----- can. - so no more hatin' and lets bring back the T-Tail mafia like it should be - off base - max per diem - and no more tents!!

Just my 2 cents
 
C-5 guys, ever (not) have this happen?

15 crewmembers check into a little German off-base hostel. One slow, non-English speaking female German clerk checking in the entire crew, one at a time, one BOA card at a time, with one slow, dial-up credit card machine.

Crewmember #3 out of 15, with everyone else waiting to get a key and hit the rack after a 24 hour day, starts asking the poor clerk:

1. Where's the gym? (usually an officer)

2. Where's a good nightclub? (usually a loadmaster)

3. Can I get a suite?

4. Can you exchange money (RIGHT NOW, while everyone else waits)?

5. Where's an ATM?

6. Can you call me a cab to go back on base to do laundry/eat at BK/buy a 12'er of Coors Light?

7. Can the cable here get the NASCAR race?

I will testify under oath that I have heard all of these questions in the above situation. Actually, I'm on a trip right now and heard 1, 3, 4 and 5 yesterday.

Hag
 
C-5 guys, ever (not) have this happen?

15 crewmembers check into a little German off-base hostel. One slow, non-English speaking female German clerk checking in the entire crew, one at a time, one BOA card at a time, with one slow, dial-up credit card machine.

Crewmember #3 out of 15, with everyone else waiting to get a key and hit the rack after a 24 hour day, starts asking the poor clerk:

1. Where's the gym? (usually an officer)

2. Where's a good nightclub? (usually a loadmaster)

3. Can I get a suite?

4. Can you exchange money (RIGHT NOW, while everyone else waits)?

5. Where's an ATM?

6. Can you call me a cab to go back on base to do laundry/eat at BK/buy a 12'er of Coors Light?

7. Can the cable here get the NASCAR race?

I will testify under oath that I have heard all of these questions in the above situation. Actually, I'm on a trip right now and heard 1, 3, 4 and 5 yesterday.

Hag

Oh.....I actually miss those days! The same sh$t with a navy P-3 crew. That is why us FE's carried our own cooler and sent the girls (crew) to the hotel first while we stayed and fueled the airplane and knocked back a few. That way we didn't have to stand there and be associated with the nonsence.
 
I no-sh*t verbalize to my lone-idiot self in the cockpit everytime I throw the gear down "Handle down, 3 green, good hydraulics, speed brake out.".

Magnum....ever heard of GUMP? :)




6. Can you call me a cab to go back on base to do laundry/eat at BK/buy a 12'er of Coors Light?


You are in Germany and you want BK and Coors Light? Good God man! Have you ever heard of the spoiles of war!!!
 
No. 7 is beautiful...lol

Luckly, I speak German so it did speed up the process alittle. But it's still a sight to see, watching a bunch of crewdogs checking in.

Can't wait till we get C17's!

Always`
 
OK, this joke no longer applies since for at least 10 years the C-17 has been an incredible airplane. But back in the beginning there were problems, and I heard this joke (probably started by some about to be displaced FE):

Q: Why is the C-17 like Buddah?

A: Because it is short, fat, sits around and doesn't do anything, but everybody worships it.
 
I don't think I can fly cold mic! Tried it a couple times, but I guess I like hearing myself breathe. Of course, you learn to be judicious in your comments lest you drop an F-bomb in your tape about the OG flying on your wing.

Magnum,
I had an IP at RTU who was a total p...is! After RTU I went through an amended MQT at the RTU and had the pleasure of doing a little payback. Said IP was now a totally cool guy who was buddy buddy with everyone. We do a little BFM where I verbally abuse him (all generic of course) as he said in the brief that nothing would be held against me. The look on his face in the debrief:
PRICELESS!
Biff
 
Magnum,
I had an IP at RTU who was a total p...is! After RTU I went through an amended MQT at the RTU and had the pleasure of doing a little payback. Said IP was now a totally cool guy who was buddy buddy with everyone. We do a little BFM where I verbally abuse him (all generic of course) as he said in the brief that nothing would be held against me. The look on his face in the debrief:
PRICELESS!
Biff

You sure got him....
 
AMEN Brother!

Great post! For those of use who have flown FRED know the love/hate relationship with its well established MX history. That being said, when FRED arrives anywhere, everyone stop to watch...of course the crash crews with all the lights helps to let everyone know we're on the way in. Seriously, it's the best ride in the AF, and someday, even a C-17 guy can graduate to the Varsity.

Having flown the airplane now for the last 7+ Years; with 5 of those being on Active duty. I understand the Love/Hate thing. But there is definitely more love than hate for me. The airplane and the system have greatly developed my patience and my people skills. Since there are so many things/people conspiring against you getting the mission done. It's made me a better person even though sometimes it really pisses me off! :angryfire :cool:

There once was a time in my life when I wanted to fly Barney.. but I'm glad things turned out the way it did. LONG LIVE FRED!

OH yeah.. and CARPE PER DIEM too.. in my 4-5 star hotel.
 
tathepilot,

So, what's the purpose of your post? Was it to add to the humor of previous posts on this thread? Would it make you feel better that one of the guys was medically retired and won't walk again? How about the other pilot that has his back so screwed up that he will never fly again and needs a walker?

Yeah, it was pilot error. Please try to show some respect. I know the video is available on the web and it is shameful that someone released it to the public.

I just don't understand the purpose of the post when all previous posts were good nature and humorous.
 

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