pilotwife update

[de727ups]

To each his own....

I'm 41 now and the older I get the less I'm interested in being married and the more I enjoy my independence. I hear all the stories about marital problems on the line and see the high divorce rate among pilots. Some of you are solid family men and put your family before job...that's as it should be. I have some of those "family" feelings, too, but have satisfied them fine by working with kids in my spare time....foster parenting, church youth group stuff, ect....taking care of the kids other dads are neglecting. I look back and have no regrets....would do it the same way if I had it to do over again. Personally, I think if you're gonna be married and pursue aviation, you better have a darn understanding and agreeable woman to be with...otherwise there are gonna be big problems...ones that could cost you your career.

 

[flywithruss]

Some great posts all the way around ... the family/career balance is important in any line of work, our unusual hours and volatile work environment make it far more intense.

I agree with FlyinBrian ... as a single guy myself, my career is discussed early on in every relationship I've been in. Some women can handle this, and some women can't. If you're a single pilot, don't bother even beginning to get involved with a woman who doesn't have the makeup to handle the lifestyle ... you're just cruising for heartache sooner or later.

I was a Continental intern in 1998 ... during my four months exploring the world from the jumpseat, my highly non-scientific survey revealed an average of two divorces and two furloughs for every pilot I rode with. In all that time (60+ flights over four months) I met ONE pilot who was on his first wife. He was a guy in his late 50s, a Texas native, and I said to him, "I'm really impressed, and I hope I can say the same thing at your age. How have you kept a successful marriage to the same woman for thirty-odd years doing this for a living?" His response? "She is a VERY tolerant person."

Like others have said above, if you're single, make sure your potential girlfriend/wife (or boyfriend/husband, for the ladies on the board) knows for sure what they're getting in to. Better a little hurt now than a heck of a lot more later.

Best of luck, y'all ...

R

 

[A Squared]

flywithruss' informal survey got me wondering, what is hte divorce rate for pilots? Anyone know of results from a more formal survey?


regards

 

[Propnose]

I just turned 34 yrs old yesterday, and have had my Comm. rating for just under a year. I am towing banners now(when we are allowed to..) in order to build time, as I didn't want to go the instructor route. I have a 10yr old son and a fiance' who really doesn't care to fly at all, but she knew that my flying was part of the package, just like my son. She is paying the mortgage right now, and knows that I am working toward the ultimate goal. Once I get there - she stops working. That is the deal we have. I am really lucky. Now if I can just find a company that wants to hire an 800hr pilot!

 

[pilotswife]

We are still hanging in there!

hi everyone!
Things aren't so bad right now. My husband is working 4 days a week as an auto mechanic and 3 days as a freelance flight instructor. He was able to network his way into teaching 2 students who own their own A/C and he has 2 others who are working on private certificates. We are not selling the house to buy our own plane (thank god!!)
I am on a 20 month leave from Continental and am looking forward to doing a few things for myself!
Hope you are all well-
He and I are not giving up on the dream!
pilotswife

p.s. sometimes I wish he would give it up though! (I guess that only makes me human!)

 

[TurboS7]

I see that you have 20 hours. My wife got her private, yes I taught her and now she has about 500 hours. I used to tease her that we should invest a few thousand and get her here comm. inst. and go fly for UAL. I would stay at home and take care of the kids, those dreams are gone now. Enjoy it it will be worth it in the long run.

 

[Rich Man]

Re: We are still hanging in there!

hi everyone!
Things aren't so bad right now. My husband is working 4 days a week as an auto mechanic and 3 days as a freelance flight instructor. He was able to network his way into teaching 2 students who own their own A/C and he has 2 others who are working on private certificates. We are not selling the house to buy our own plane (thank god!!)
I am on a 20 month leave from Continental and am looking forward to doing a few things for myself!
Hope you are all well-
He and I are not giving up on the dream!
pilotswife

p.s. sometimes I wish he would give it up though! (I guess that only makes me human!)

I dont care what anyone else says..... Pilotswife, you're a good woman and your husband a lucky man, Hurray for both of you!

Rich!

 

[Orvilleflyer]

For the pilot wives out there

Check this out

 

[cjh]

Geez

I'm glad to hear there are a few people out there with supportive spouses. I say spouses, rather than wife, because it goes both ways. I can't imagine being married to someone who tried to kill my dreams, nor would I ever be anything but supportive of the dreams of my spouse.

Life is too short to spend it stuck in a job you hate. If you want the plane and the family, it's certainly possible...with the right partner. If one of you must keep pace with the Jones, or is unwilling to make sacrifices for the dreams of the other, then aviation is going to be a struggle. Better hope the non-flying partner makes lots of dough. It's all about choices. If you're willing to sacrifice flying for other things, then either you don't want the dream badly enough, or you didn't keep the focus on the dream when making other choices.

Take it from me. I spent years in a job I hated. Then, I left it to start my own business, doing something I love. Eighteen hour days, seven days a week, for years. We had two small children at the time, and my spouse took charge of being the "primary parent". The end result is that my business is now the largest in its field, and I can enjoy my other passion - flying. It was a struggle, but it was a dream and worth it. It's all about choices.

And btw, I am not only a business owner and a pilot, I'm also a wife!

cj

 

[Clownpilot]

Re: Geez

Marth Stewart? Is that you?

Unfortunately now you are on your way to jail for insider trading.

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

I'm glad to hear there are a few people out there with supportive spouses. I say spouses, rather than wife, because it goes both ways. I can't imagine being married to someone who tried to kill my dreams, nor would I ever be anything but supportive of the dreams of my spouse.

Life is too short to spend it stuck in a job you hate. If you want the plane and the family, it's certainly possible...with the right partner. If one of you must keep pace with the Jones, or is unwilling to make sacrifices for the dreams of the other, then aviation is going to be a struggle. Better hope the non-flying partner makes lots of dough. It's all about choices. If you're willing to sacrifice flying for other things, then either you don't want the dream badly enough, or you didn't keep the focus on the dream when making other choices.

Take it from me. I spent years in a job I hated. Then, I left it to start my own business, doing something I love. Eighteen hour days, seven days a week, for years. We had two small children at the time, and my spouse took charge of being the "primary parent". The end result is that my business is now the largest in its field, and I can enjoy my other passion - flying. It was a struggle, but it was a dream and worth it. It's all about choices.

And btw, I am not only a business owner and a pilot, I'm also a wife!

cj

 

[Timebuilder]

Orville-

As I read your "check this out" link, I had a thought about the woman who was doing the complaining that she hadn't married someone else. It made me wonder what she considered to be a "normal" guy, in her mind. You can tell that this marriage was in trouble, and would be, even if the guy in question was a gardener.

For other complaining wives who may stumble across this thread, I have an observation. In my considerable experience, women don't often pick the nice, intelligent, stable man. They pick the "bad boy" because they are attracted to the "rebellious" type. They have an idea that they are somehow going to "fix" this guy, and get him to conform to what they want as they grow older. Au contraire.

The helpful, supportive spouse, on the other hand, made a rational decision about what she was getting into when she married the pilot. She knew the challenges. She is prepared for the task. Likely, she'd be married to this man no matter what his occupation. That's a marriage.

Rich Man and I agree. Pilotswife's husband is a lucky guy, indeed. If I am lucky, I will find a wife like her.

 

[Orvilleflyer]

Timebuilder-

In responce to your post, I agree that a lot of woman do pick a jerk at some point in their lives, just to try it out. Then once they've had enough of the bad boy, it's over. Some women continually pick jerks, too. Most women I think, go the first route, if at all. I think it's a small percentage that continually do the jerk route period however. If I could give one speck of advice in this thread I'd have to say as a general rule, it's wise not to marry until one is in their thirties; that's when I believe the cycles of a person's being have truely stabilized. In other words- in your thirties, you're certainly not done changing, but at least you're at a point in life where you don't change as much ... Does that make any sence?

 

[Timebuilder]

It certainly does make sense, and I can attest to that advice in my own life.

At 32, I was all ready to marry a girl, and due to my added maturity, I decided that there were too many factors in the "negative" column, and avoided what could easily have become years of pain.

I counsel young men to choose wisely, or they will end up sending most of their paycheck to suport children they rarely see, and women they no longer love.

As Rick Wakeman once told me (former YES keyboardist), make sure you think with the right "head".

 

[Jump Pilot]

From WIFE of Jump Pilot:

Had to chime in on this conversation, since I've been living this situation for the last several years and no end in sight (thanks to 9-11). Jump Pilot has worked a 9-5 job during the week and flown jumpers virtually every weekend for the last 21/2 years.

My advice - don't give up the dream! But to make it work I do believe it does take a special relationship between husband and wife, the willingness to think outside the box, a true knowingness about what's important in life, and a faith that we find ourselves in situations to learn and grow from them.

We decided life was too short for each of us not to pursue our dreams. And yet, we have a profound commitment to our family (two boys - 10 and 5). Following your dream and having a family ARE NOT mutually exclusive!! Our choice is that we will find a way to make it work. It's that simple - it's just a decision. Simple yes, easy no! There have definitely been struggles and I know there will be more. But each time we come out on the other side we look back and realize it wasn't so bad after all.

I can tell you we've survived on a lot less money than I ever thought we could over the last 2 1/2 years. And we learned that there were a lot of material things that we really could live without that didn't affect our quality of living, our relationships. We laugh and say we're the poorest we've ever been and also the happiest.

Yes, it's hard on the kids sometimes, but we explain to them over and over again why we're doing what we're doing as a family. If you're considering letting go of your dream, think about this - if you do, what will you be teaching your kids????? You'll be teaching them that when things get tough, you quit - that their dreams aren't worth pursuing. My 10 year old had to complete a history assignment recently where the question was "What does being an American mean to you?" One of his answers was, "Being able to follow your dream, like Dad does." You don't teach a kid those kinds of things by doing a job you hate for 45 years.

I agree with those of you who've said if your significant other doesn't encourage you to follow your dreams, something's not right. Having said that, that doesn't mean you follow your dream to the exclusion of other things that are important in life. It'a all about finding the right balance. It's not about whether you do it, it's about how you do it.

Keep flying!

 

[cjh]

Re: Re: Geez

Marth Stewart? Is that you?

Unfortunately now you are on your way to jail for insider trading.

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

LOL! I've been compared to a lot of people, but Martha ain't one of em'. I haven't cooked in years, wouldn't garden if you paid me, and can't imagine anything more boring than crafts. On the other hand, I'd love to have her income - at least the income she had.

And as far as insider trading goes, find me one CEO in the country with stock in their own companies who doesn't take advantage of inside information when purchasing or selling company stock. It disgusts me when the government picks certain people, male or female, and uses them as scapegoats. Do the masses really believe anything will change for the other 99.9% doing the same thing?

 

[Orvilleflyer]

In my opinion, this is the kind of post that makes a message board shine- everyone giving positive input on a subject that effects us all!

My question is, what if you have 2 dreams?

 

[Timebuilder]

I know that there's a joke in there, but I'm not going after it........

 

[atpcliff]

Hi!

I'm 40, married, 2 kids. I couldn't find a flying job in 1991, and was out of flying for 10 years. I got back in, and my relationship with my wife now is the best it has been.

She likes my schedule, and loves my pay. She just wishes I had started back into flying 5 years ago instead of 2.

I would quit flying if it was better for my family. The trick is, to find someone who is supportive of you, and you want to be supportive of her. I played Mr. Mom for a number of years to support her career.

Good luck to all,

CLiff
GRB

 

[katanabob]

Re: Re: Re: Geez

And as far as insider trading goes, find me one CEO in the country with stock in their own companies who doesn't take advantage of inside information when purchasing or selling company stock. It disgusts me when the government picks certain people, male or female, and uses them as scapegoats. Do the masses really believe anything will change for the other 99.9% doing the same thing?

You're forgetting that the SEC mandates that these people with priveleged information file a public document prior to the sale of stock and that there is a waiting period involved. To act immediately on insider information without filing and waiting is insider trading, and is illegal whether you do it or a CEO does it.

 

[cjh]

True, but it happens anyway. There is a company whose stock I watch, and about which I have "inside" information about - no I don't own any of the stock myself. The most senior people constantly have "planned sales" that usually never materialize. However, in a coincidental move, just before a really bad quarterly report came out, almost every one of these senior individuals sold massive amounts of stock. Seems they all had sudden needs that required they cash out. Homes, college, etc. So, while the stock plummeted, these guys put in some cases millions in their pockets, errrrr - I mean "homes".

Don't get me wrong. I highly resent the government's intrusion into so many aspects of our lives. However, I also resent role playing that serves only to protect cushy government jobs. Can anyone say "airline security". Sigh.