pilotwife update

[Hansel]

Just wanted to know what the outcome is or was or will be for your husband that was pursuing the dream, at the expense and taxation of your family.
As I wrote to you before, I was in the same boat and finally made the decision to let go of the dream. My wife reminded me that once you are married and have kids, it is no longer about you, but what is right for the family.
Hope all is well.

 

[qwerty]

I needed to hear that.

Reminder to self, never get married and always use a rubber.

 

[A1FlyBoy]

um... get married...

Just do it AFTER you're in some sort of continual aviation/commuter/major job.

 

[banned username 2]

um... get married...

Just do it AFTER you're in some sort of continual aviation/commuter/major job.

I got married while I was a CFI... at the time my wife was making more than I was and she was an Administrative Assistant...

Anyhow... go for it... if she is the one for you....

 

[STEVE CANYON]

Wife = Ball-and-Chain

 

[Snakum]

"... once you are married and have kids, it is no longer about you, but what is right for the family. "

Wow, that sounds familiar. That statement - which is true by the way - is the reason I'm in my thirties and still chained to a desk.

I have dreamed of flying business jets since I was a kid. I was a born airplane buff and as a teenager I spent hours looking at pictures of Lears, Citations and big turbo props. Flying was the only thing that could pull my attention away from music-related pursuits (I thought I was gonna be a rock star ). However, I couldn't start flying until 1995 because of other responsibilities which left no money and little time. Those same responsibilities forced me to hang it up in 1996, as well. Starting again in 2000, I was, by 9/11/01, well on my way to the first rung, instructing. I even had a part-time CFII gig lined up and was flying my bosses periodically in rentals. Well ... we all know what happened post-9/11 and post-Bush economic changes. Thousands of pilots on the street, not a CFI job in site. My employer (software) let half the company go and gave the rest of us 50% pay cuts. Oh goody ... my 'flying' money is now needed to pay rent and feed my kids.

The point of this whiney little rant is this ... once you are married and have kids, it is no longer about you, but what is right for the family. Stop me if you've heard this before.

If you want to fly for a living, consider not marrying till you're a little way up the food-chain already. Because when you have a family of your own, it really ain't about you anymore, nor should it be.

Minh "DeskJockey" Thong

 

[bobbysamd]

Marriage

The practicality of my situation forced me into "letting go of the dream." I changed careers again, and got married for the first time well into my 40s, two years later. Change of circumstances, coupled with fate and coincidences? I dunno . . . . .

Snakum is right. When you're single, your time is all yours. I'd love to get current again and just fly for fun (and pick up a student or two to put it on a paying basis), but I sense resistance when I talk about it. Realistically, I don't have sufficient spare time, and flying, for me, would require a lot of spare time. Also, if you are employed as a pilot, it may not seem like a "real" job but it is your employment, the time for which would otherwise be consumed by a "real" job. Your off-work hours are your spare time - and, if you are at all like me, you are using those hours to ferret out leads for the next rung up the ladder and/or a better situation, and dispatching resumes and apps accordingly. Doing so, even with today's automation, is extremely time-consuming. So much for quality time, single or married.

Believe me, you'll know when it's time to settle down. All the required components, and you know what those are, will fall into place on their own.

Good luck with your plans.

 

[JetPilot500]

As I wrote to you before, I was in the same boat and finally made the decision to let go of the dream. My wife reminded me that once you are married and have kids, it is no longer about you, but what is right for the family.
Hope all is well.

A good woman would help you fulfill your dreams, not try and hold you back.

 

[pmoffitt]

Right on JetPilot500

I am about to get married on the 18th of October. I have two kids from a previous marriage in which she(ex-wife) did not want the kids. My bride to be actually encouraged me to fly.

I started this long ladder in 1992 but quit in 1993. I considered getting back in during the mid 90's but my now ex-wife discouraged me from doing it.(She actually threw away my logbook in hopes to permanently ground me. Little did she know that when I had talked to Comair 2 weeks prior that they had taken photo copies of the last 5 pages!!) I think about now, where I could have been had I went back then. I did what was “Right for the family and the wife”.

My bride to be now encouraged me to start flying when she saw how much I loved it. So now, I am a freelance CFI because none of the schools here in South Florida will hire me. She is a college professor and supports me till the aviation slump is over and I can get a real paying flying job.

So the bottom line now. If she is a good woman, she will support and encourage you in a decision you make or you make together. Just don’t candy coat what the next few years might be like.

 

[need2AV8]

Hindrance?

Hmmm, personally I'd have serious reservations about marrying a person that keeps you from your goals. My wife & I got married and work toward helping each other meet family goals/dreams. Her dream is to stay home with kids & mine is to get paid for flying. Someday, I'll make enough flying for her to stay home with kids. So actually, we're working toward the same goal. On the remote chance I actually make good money someday, I can be sure she's in this for the 'long haul' and not just after my $$$.

By the way, as much as we love to fly it pales in comparison to being a husband and father.

 

[Socalplt]

My wife has supported my flying as well. I'd be very leary of a wife that didn't support your dreams. She is basically saying she would rather see you unhappy for the rest of your life than take the chance of fulfilling a dream. (She doesn't want to sacrifice her financial security.)

As far as children go, I have a 16 month old who has never seen daycare, and only a babysitter a half dozen times. I've been fortunate enough to hold continous duty overnights as a RJ FO for almost the past year. I'm at home during the day, while my wife is off at work. I too feel that children deserve a parent around and the sacrifice I've made is the 500-600 hours more of jet time I could have logged. When I upgrade, my wife will quit her job to stay with our son.

 

[Counselair]

A good woman is worth more than any airline job.

Your family is worth more than life itself.

For many aviation will always be a series of jobs as opposed to a good career.

Balance is key.

I'm on my sixth airline and facing my third furlough, all at the not so tender age of 35, courtesy of American Airlines on 13 Oct 02. I'm still happily on my first marriage and have two incredible children. I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Make your choices in marriage wisely knowing the sacrifices you may be forced to make. Be responsible in your financial choices and to your family. The two often go hand in hand affecting each other in both the good and bad. When the good comes don't splurge but invest and save. When the bad comes you will be prepared and let God take care of the rest. It all works its way out, just don't screw it up too much on your own.

Counselair

 

[pmoffitt]

Family Men

I am glad to see all the Family Men chiming in here. It truely is possible to have your cake and eat it too.

Loving airplanes is great but loving your children\wife and them loving you back is even better.

 

[TurboS7]

Take my job away I have my family, take my family away and I have a job????????????/yuck. Give me that wonderful kiss after I get home and the kids any day. Turbine engines make lousy kissers.

 

[abxaviator]

I was on the street when I met my future wife. Shortly thereafter, I got on with a small regional flying DO-328's and 18 months later I made it to the majors.

My wife is happy to be able to stay home with our baby now, but she is always proud to let others know she supported my "flying hobby" early on. Never did it occur to her to suggest I find another line of work.

 

[Draginass]

Flying is a job . . . . . not a life.

 

[CaptBuzzard]

I don't know if my career choice has had anything to do with my wife and I seperating. She supported me from day one. I met her after I got my private five years ago. She never once made me feel like my career choice was bad. I love her for that. I think the stress that has been involved with my career especially in the last year has been too much. There were some family issues on both sides as well to add to the stress. That is what I think really made us grow apart. I'll tell you what though, I would trade my career anyday to get my marriage back. I love to fly and that is all I have ever wanted and want to do as a career. Family is far more important than flying or any job. Yes, it is an amazing career, but I'll take my marriage back first. I would quit flying tomorrow and do any other job if my wife came back to me. She helped build my dream and we dreamed together and now that she is gone, I feel like part of my dream is gone too. I have come to realize that family is priceless and careers are replacable.

 

[FlyinBrian]

There are really two different situations we are talking about on this thread.

1.) You have a wife and kids and want to change careers to flying.

2.) You are unmarried, and to get married you may have to give up flying.

I'd say in the first scenario, the wife and the kids come first. You made a commitment to them and have a responsibility to them.

In the second scenario, I would say never get married to a woman who would expect that you give up what you love. I am unmarried, and I make sure that any girl I date understands where my career aspirations lie. If she would ask me to give it up, she doesn't know me well enough to be my wife.

 

[SWA/FO]

The above post is right on!!

 

[Hansel]

Don't get me wrong my wife has been very supportive throuthout the years, but sometime it takes someone other than yourself to let you know when the DREAM is all consuming.
She was with me back when I made my first go of itin 1990.
Then when I tried again in 2000, she packed up the kids and moved from our gorgeous house to live with my parents for a year.
Things weren't bad, I got picked up by Ameriflight, and five months after that was picked up by Eagle. Imagine my excitement and high my self esteem were after having not flown in ten years. Then 9/11.
At this time I figured it would be at least two years at Ameriflight before I could get on with a regional. There's no way I could put my wife and kids through that.
We're back in our house now, and life is pretty good, sometimes I feel that I'm already so blessed by what I have, that if I was fortunate of enough to be flying I would have it all.
I was lucky enough to be given a job at a major bank with the potential of doing quite well with plenty of movement.
Thanks for all the great feedback and I invite all to the next party at my house.