Ole Gardner checking up on Flight Options

[SilverSurfer]

The Head 'n Ass

PAGE 1

THE HEAD 'N ASS.
Howdy friends. It be the ole Gardner again. Sorry I ain't writ y'all
in quite a while, but that dang computer machine'a mine done broke
down. My pilot friend what lives near by done said some gadget he called a
"hard drive" what's buried down deep in that computer's innards done
"crashed." Mercy me! I doesn't have a clue what he be talkin' 'bout,
'n I surely didn't hear nuttin' go crash. It just stopped workin' 'n
the TV set hooked up to it turned blue. Last time I seen somethin' that
color was when I got myself sickly from somthin' bad I done et.
I was gettin' ready to take the darn thing to town to get it fixed when
we got hit with the biggest snow storm I done seen in quite a spell.
Now, y'knows I doesn't like bein' out in the cold much, 'n I be gettin'
too old to be shovelin' snow, so I curled up with the misses by the
fireplace in my cabin sippin' homebrew from a Mason jar 'n waited fur the
sun to melt it gone from the roads.
Now, round these parts, not too many folks got 'emselves a computer,
much less knows how to fix 'em. So, I boxed it up 'n the owner'a the
general store knew just where to send it away to get it fixed. It got
delivered back just the other day 'n my pilot friend come by the cabin 'n
hooked back up all the wires that run to that magic box. Yes, sir, I
be back in business writin' y'all once more. Now tell me truly;
y'missed me, didn't ya?
After he got the computer up 'n runnin' again, my pilot friend filled
me in 'bout what be goin' on at that there Flight Options outfit y'all
works fur. I hear tell the head boss gots a terrible case'a the ASS and
be getting' mighty desperate. My pilot friend showed me a letter he
done wrote to all the workers, hintin' yur outfit be on the brink'if'n
things don't get better. I been told the head boss at that there
NetJets outfit done wrote the same kinda gloom 'n doom letter just a few
years ago right 'afore 'em pilots' new Union negotiated their contract. I
wish I had a dollar under my mattress fur each time I seen one'a these
kinda' letters 'afore when I be helpin' out pilots over the years at
the big airlines.
Seems like these head bosses always followin' the same script 'n cryin'
poor whenever the Union be makin' headway in negotiations, like I hear
tell be happenin' fur y'all. That be 'specially true if'n the pilots
done made it clear they ain't gonna keep workin' lots more hours fur
lots less money than flyers what works at other outfits be makin'.
Today, yur brother 'n sister pilots workin' at NetJets be gettin' paid
almost twice what some'a y'all gettin' paid fur doin' the same job, but
doin' it less days a year. Even so, their outfit be makin' lots'a money 'n
buyin' lots'a new airplanes 'n growin' by leaps 'n bounds. I hear
tell dozens'a yur fellow pilots done quit yur outfit in the last few
months 'n many done gots 'emsleves hired on at NetJets. They be happy
campers now.
My pilot friend says 'nother one'a these airplane time-share outfits
like yurs called "Citation Shares" pretty much done matched NetJets pay
fur their pilots so's they wouldn't be losin' 'em. Meanwhile, yur head
boss with the ASS ain't yet figured out y'all done drawed a line in the
sand 'bout wantin' a contract what brings y'in line with what be goin'
on at these other flyin' outfits like yurs. I hear tell y'tired'a
suckin' hind teat.
Don't be fooled none. The head boss done wrote that letter tryin' to
scare y'all into rollin' over 'n playin' dead. He be hopin' to scare
y'just 'nough so y'be happy to merely have a job at yur outfit, even
though it be miserable 'cause the bosses treatin' y'mean, workin' y' hard
'n payin' y'poorly. I knows y'all way too smart to fall fur such a pile
a horse-hockey. It be plain to me yur head boss don't respect y'none.
I been told pilots be quittin' yur outfit to go flyin' at NetJets or
some other place cause they can make more money, have better workin'
conditions 'n benefits 'n spend more time at home with their families. Yur
head boss should'a figured that was gonna happen when 'em NetJets
pilots done got their newest contract. I hear tell yur outfit can't hire
enough new pilots to replace those be leavin'. Now, if'n pilots be
quittin' much faster than yur outfit can replace 'em, it be no wonder yur
head boss gonna have to be cuttin' back flyin' trips like he says in his
letter 'cause there be nobody 'round to drive 'em. If'n he not be
runnin' the planes he already gots, then it be easy to see yur outfit's
gots more flyin' machines than it needs. So, why buy new ones?
Yur head boss now says he givin' up on some'a 'em new airplanes he gots
on order. Y'might remember I wrote y'all mid-December time, right
after yur head boss done crowed in the press bout 'that there HIG group
buyin' yur outfit 'n puttin' up lots'a money to bring on a bunch'a 'em
"Phenom" flyin' machines. Back then, many'a y'all, includin' my pilot
friend, were pleased as punch, thinkin' y'done won the lottery. I told
y'not to be so excited. The exact words I writ at the time were:
"Now, I been 'round helpin' pilots for many'a year 'n I seen lots'a
flyin' outfits bought 'n sold 'n come 'n go. I also seen 'em place
orders to get new airplanes that never gets filled. So, I learned long ago
not to count my chickens 'afore they hatch. I be leery when I hears
'bout such buyin' 'n sellin' 'n airplane orders."
Yes, sir, it just goes to show y'all that the ole Gardner done knows
what he be talkin' 'bout. History has a way'a repeatin' itself, don't
y'know. Unlike yur big bosses who ain't always tellin' the truth, I done
tells it like it is.
I seen in the head boss's letter where he be worryin' some 'bout the
economy 'n the recession all 'em politicians in Washington be frettin'
'bout. He want's y'all believin' he be makin' yur outfit smaller 'cause
there be less demand from 'em rich folks y'all flyin' here 'n there
'round the country. He warnin' that 'em rich folks be cuttin' back on
usin' yur outfit's little jets. Now, I knows things be gettin' mighty
tough out there fur workin' folks, but most'a 'em rich folks gots more
money than they knows what to do with. Most gonna breeze thru the bad
times without missin'a beat. In fact, while the average family barely be
scrapin' by hopin' their house ain't foreclosed on by the bank, 'em
rich folks keep spendin' 'n spendin' durin' bad times. Fact is, many'a
'em rich folks gonna get lots richer if'n bad times come while average
folks be gettin' poorer.
Yur head boss also says he worryin' 'bout the price a gas to run yur
little jets. My pilot friend used the computer to find an interview yur
head boss give last summer to a magazine rich folks read called
"Forbes." He told the reporter that the price'a gas makes no nevermind to yur
outfit's customers cause they be so rich. Now he sayin' just the
opposite, tryin' to scare y'all. Seems to me yur head boss be sayin'
whatever he pleases, whenever he pleases, just to make whoever be foolish
'nough to listen to his dribble think he knows what he be talkin' bout.
Well, sir, the ole Gardner wasn't born yesterday.
Nope, if'n y'asks me, yur head boss be sayin' in his letter that he
doesn't have a clue how to run yur outfit, except to run it into the
ground. He can't keep 'nough pilots workin' here 'n he can't hire 'new
pilots fast 'nough to replace the ones be leavin'. He can't keep his
planes in the sky cause they mostly tired 'n broke 'n there ain't 'nough
pilots 'round to fly 'em. He askin' y'all to do yur part to keep the
customers happy while he 'n the other bosses be doin' everythin' to make
'em mad, just like he done made y'all mad.
Answer me this—if'n yur head boss can't get his planes in the sky, how
does he 'spect to keep the customers he already gots? Just like he
can't hire 'nough new pilots, he fur sure ain't figured out how to get new
customers, neither. Without pilots or customers, I ain't surprised he
ain't plannin' on flyin' as many trips as 'afore, or buyin' all the
new airplanes he once crowed 'bout. Like I says, I didn't believe him
none when he first told y'all bout 'em planes anyways. What really
surprises me is 'em smart folks runnin' that there HIG group keeps a head
boss who be such a screw-up in charge'a yur outfit. If'n he worked fur
me, I'd'a shown him the boot long ago. I been told he was shown the
door at the last outfit he worked fur after he done screwed it up to a
fair-thee-well.

 

[SilverSurfer]

The Head 'n Ass.

PAGE 2

THE HEAD 'N ASS.

My pilot friend 'n I got to thinkin' 'bout what yur head boss be really
sayin' in his letter. It was all we could do to keep from laughin'
'bout how easy it was to figure out his real message. "I want the pilots
to quit followin' the rules," was the real message yur head boss be
sayin' in his letter. Best thing y'can do is send him a strong message
back that y'ain't gonna put yur ownselves or yur customers at risk 'n
y'gonna be followin' even more closely that there list a "T's" I done
wrote y'all about a while back.
If'n yur head boss ain't smart 'nough 'bout aviation to know that
flyin' machines gots to be properly maintained, just like the Sheriff says
they must, don't be helpin' him out by drivin' ones be broke. Let the
bosses know 'em planes broke where 'n when y'finds 'em broke. Don't be
flyin' sickly, tired or hungry none. Don't be flyin no overtime. I
know the head boss not wantin' y'be careful in doin' yur job, even though
he done stuck up paper signs all over that there Cuyahoga County
spread sayin' otherwise. Safety be just 'nother one'a his tall tales. My
pilot friend says it ain't gonna do yur outfit no good if'n the stars
all line up in the wrong direction 'n one'a yur outfit's little jets
makes a smokin' hole in the ground 'cause it was broke 'afore it took off
or the pilots were to tired or sickly or hungry to be out flyin'. He
says if'n that happens, yur outfit be shuttin' its doors fur sure.
Think very seriously about that message when y'bein' asked by anyone to
bend the rules to keep the customers happy, 'specially when bosses
with the ASS be messin' up the operation as bad as they be doin'. It
ain't yur job to be cleanin' up their mess after 'em. I hear tell they all
gettin' paid mighty big bucks to do a much better job than they be
doin', anyways.
That be it fur now. I sure hopes y'remembered to set yur clocks up one
hour so's y'gots more daylight to see the fields just waitin' fur
plantin' to begin soon after all the snow be melted. Winter be nearly gone
'n plowin' time be just round the corner. I can feel it in my bones.
Remember, spread the word that the ole Gardner still workin' the
fields at Flight Options. The harvest—it be comin'.
Your friend,
THE OLE GARDNER

 

[Voice Of Reason]

Just my 2 cents

To be perfectly honest...I am sure there are good messages buried somewhere in these emails, but myself (and many others) never read them, for the simple fact that the length, and more notably the use of the redneck "Dialectizer" is a big hindrance toward getting the point across. You'll notice a lot of times, people will make posts even in normal, everyday English that no one really reads. These will make people's eyes glaze over and skip that person's posts because they are incapable of getting a simple point across in less than 4 pages worth of space. That does not make a good writer, in fact, quite the opposite.
There's vocal minority that will always pipe up and cheer the person on ("Oh, I just loooove that Ole Gardner"), but that does not negate the fact that the majority just ignore.
Not at all flaming the INTENT, just making a point that the efforts could be directed in a more succinct, less distracting manner to reach a larger audience. It is the reading of it, after all, that is the most fundamental, and I too want to see success in this thing.

 

[ProFracPilot]

Not at all flaming the INTENT, just making a point that the efforts could be directed in a more succinct, less distracting manner to reach a larger audience. It is the reading of it, after all, that is the most fundamental, and I too want to see success in this thing.

You are spot on, VOR. The message is indeed lost in his tome. My dues are paid and I trust my leadership to exercise good stewardship with our money. For that reason I sincerely hope that any portion of our dues are not going toward paying a consultant to compose these difficult to read 'Ole Gardner essays.

 

[shanes123]

I agree with Voice Of Reason..It was cute, funny, and a little entertaining at first but now its to much nonsense to read to get to 1 or 2 good facts. I myself have just started deleting the emails when I get em..

 

[TurboHonda]

VOR,

I can’t dispute your point. However, I find myself reading his letters in much the same way that I listen to my aging father’s stories that I’ve heard over and over, time and time again. Out of respect for where he’s been and what he’s done I still listen and read and usually learn something new each time.

The history of the Ole Gardner goes back to a time when computers were not the norm. His messages were written on paper and passed around and shared. His contribution to past organization efforts are legendary. I don’t know why he’s picked us to help, but I’m thankful that he did.

I’m sure he could change his delivery technique and join the rest of us anonymous and quickly forgotten “bullet” posters. But, then he wouldn’t be the Ole Gardner anymore.

 

[Voice Of Reason]

I’m sure he could change his delivery technique and join the rest of us anonymous and quickly forgotten “bullet” posters. But, then he wouldn’t be the Ole Gardner anymore.

I guess one can't "forget" what they don't read in the first place. Whether this caricature is considered "legendary" or not, I stand by the point that he isn't making one in this manner. It reminds me a lot of the insecure poster who writes pages of drivel that impresses one or two easily impressed individuals. He fancies himself a "great debater," because people have stopped debating him...when in reality people just scroll past his insecure, babbling, posts. His efforts are wasted, and best spent elsewhere.
Same here.

 

[TurboHonda]

I guess one can't "forget" what they don't read in the first place. Whether this caricature is considered "legendary" or not, I stand by the point that he isn't making one in this manner. It reminds me a lot of the insecure poster who writes pages of drivel that impresses one or two easily impressed individuals. He fancies himself a "great debater," because people have stopped debating him...when in reality people just scroll past his insecure, babbling, posts. His efforts are wasted, and best spent elsewhere.
Same here.

I can't argue with any of that. So, I guess you win.

 

[Voice Of Reason]

I don’t know why he’s picked us to help, but I’m thankful that he did.

The goodness of his voluntary heart I hope? FWIW, I'm not trying to "win" anything but understanding of the general sentiment regarding these letters. They ARE in fact failing to reach the majority. Well, they do reach them, but they are either barely skimmed, skipped or just deleted now.

 

[SilverSurfer]

I agree with you 100%

To be perfectly honest...I am sure there are good messages buried somewhere in these emails, but myself (and many others) never read them, for the simple fact that the length, and more notably the use of the redneck "Dialectizer" is a big hindrance toward getting the point across. You'll notice a lot of times, people will make posts even in normal, everyday English that no one really reads. These will make people's eyes glaze over and skip that person's posts because they are incapable of getting a simple point across in less than 4 pages worth of space. That does not make a good writer, in fact, quite the opposite.
There's vocal minority that will always pipe up and cheer the person on ("Oh, I just loooove that Ole Gardner"), but that does not negate the fact that the majority just ignore.
Not at all flaming the INTENT, just making a point that the efforts could be directed in a more succinct, less distracting manner to reach a larger audience. It is the reading of it, after all, that is the most fundamental, and I too want to see success in this thing.

VOR

I agree that the emails are cumbersome and to long. They even a pain in the a$$ to put on the message board because you have to break them up into 2 sometimes three different post to get them on the board.

I have had many PM's form different board members thinking that I am the Gardner because I'm the one that has been posting his messages. Let me assure you that I am not the Gardner, I'm not even sure I know who he is. My mission in posting his messages here is simply to make sure that it gets out and however cryptic it may be seen by as many as possible.

To be honest when they first started coming out they were so difficult to read I couldn't even make it through to the end. I guess his messages are a bit like Scotch, its an acquired taste. Now that I have read a few of them, I find them to be very comical much like Larry The Cable Guy.

At any rate, if reading it causes you pain, don't read it. For those that can adjust their reading level down a few notches, read and smile.