There are plenty of good places to live in the area, but you can't expect to pay the same that you would to live in the midwest, for example. I live in Arlington and to me, it's worth it to pay the extra money to live in a spot that has a lot going on. Gotta compare apples to apples. Yes, in some ways the cost of living is high but cmon, so is Boston, NYC, or any other cosmopolitan place offering alot of things to take advantage of. I also can guarantee that I come out on top, financially, by living IN-base and picking up extra flying (time-and-a-half) vs. commuting and saving on rent.
Also, while traffic IS bad in the DC area, I take the Airport Access road from Dulles out towards the beltway and then hop in route 66 for a few short miles...even in the worst rushour traffic the longest its EVER taken me to get home is an 50 mins (normally 20 mins).
You have to decide what your priorities are...paying a little bit more to live in a nice area or saving money and living in a @($*# area of the country.