Moronic Passenger Stories

[Cardinal]

Briefing a bunch of pax in the mighty Beech:

Me: "In the unlikely event of an emergency, pull the red handle, the door will come inside, turn the exit and discard it out the window"

Idiot A: "You want me to do that now?"

Me: "No, in the unlikely event of an emergency"

Idiot A: "Oh, ok."

Idiot B: "But I don't get it"

Me: "What don't you get?"

Idiot B: "Does the exit have a parachute?"

Me, stifling laughter: "No."

Idiot B: "Then what's the point of having an exit back here?"

At that point I could no longer contain myself, so I tramped back to the cockpit. One want's to evacuate a fully functional aircraft, the other want's to exacuate in flight - I presume they're both still wondering.

 

[Typhoon1244]

I wish I could take credit for this story, but I can't.

A friend of mine is a captain on the Saab up north. One hot day, when ground air wasn't available, he had the passengers wait on the bus from the terminal until he had an engine running. What he didn't know was that the A/C wasn't working on the bus either...a real dammed-if-you-do/dammed-if-you-don't situation. Fortunately, only one passenger was irate about this situation, but she really came unglued once she got aboard. She called him every name in the book, berated his skills as a captain and a pilot, etc, etc. She was loud enough and abusive enough that my friend finally had her removed from the flight.

The next day he got pulled into the chief pilot's office. They wanted to know why he had thrown their parent company's V.P. of Human Resources off his airplane.

It turned into a conference call situation. Her boss told my friend not to worry about it...apparently he didn't like her either.

 

[Standby 1]

Overheard as pax were boarding (bottlenecking at the forward entry, as usual): A young lady peeks around the bulkhead down the aisle and loudly exclaims to her traveling companion, "Oh my g*d! This plane was built for midgets! They've got us on a f*cking circus plane!"
Betcha didn't know Wringling Bros, Barnum & Bailey owned an airline (we've known it for a while now).


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Prior to boarding a flight down to Corpus, we hear that a blind woman would be boarding who was denied passage on the previous flight. Something about her service dog was involved. Feeling awful about this, we exact a promise from our FA to bend over backwards for this woman, comp everything for her, etc. Finally, they wheel this woman down the jetway in her wheel chair ----- she is dressed to the nines with a tiny Pomeranian in her lap. Yep, that was her "service dog."

We called ops and asked if a Pomeranian qualified as a service animal and were told that if the passenger says it is, then it is. Okey dokey. Next time a pax shows up with a seeing-eye horse, I'll load it right up.





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[PlanetK]

alright, here's a funny one, may or may not be true. been circulating around WN forever.

older male pax boards flight and is greeted by a female flight attendant. the gentleman notices that there are two female pilots this day, and grumbles something about not liking the idea of two female pilots flying him. the f/a tells him not to worry, they're both competent professionals. the old guys doesn't give it a rest, and doesn't want broads in the cockpit. the f/a gives up on reason, and tells the man that it's no longer referred to as the COCKpit, but is now known as the BOX office.

this one gets much funnier after a few of those dollar beers!

 

[chperplt]

Next time a pax shows up with a seeing-eye horse, I'll load it right up.

You say that in gest but I have seen a service mini pony. It sat in first with me on a flight to CVG.

 

[atrdriver]

And don't forget the "service pig" from a few years ago. I think that was on US Air, but not sure about that.

 

[acaTerry]

I almost became a stupid passenger once. I had never even stood near a Fokker 100 before, and now I was riding one to Long Beach for a checkride...and I was beginning to wonder when the crew was going to configure the airplane for takeoff. The flaps were still up when they went to takeoff power, so I gritted my teeth and hoped everything would be fine.

Man, I did the same thing. I too kept quiet, but sure as he11 was scared!

 

[smellthejeta]

Service Animals

I don't know what if your FOM addresses the issue on service animals or not, but we were specifically told that *any* animal designated by a disabled passenger as a service animal in any capacity, that we were to accept it without question.

 

[Metro752]

I probably had one of these stories written about me. Before I started my flying career I was on a 1900 sitting over the right wing. About 30 minutes into the flight a panel on the inboard of the right engine started flapping pretty bad, so I thought I'd tell the pilots. I went up and knocked on the bulkhead, and the curtain opens and the FO askes me what I want. I told him about the panel, and he says that's normal. As I walked back to my seat I heard both pilots laughing about the dip$hit passenger. About 20 minutes later the panel flew off and I was looking into the side of the engine. I went back up and knocked again, and when the FO looked out at me I asked him if it was normal when the panels flew off. They didn't do a whole lot of laughing after that.

dipsh1ts

 

[Standby 1]

I don't know what if your FOM addresses the issue on service animals or not, but we were specifically told that *any* animal designated by a disabled passenger as a service animal in any capacity, that we were to accept it without question.

Our policy as well. The woman in question, however, only claimed to be blind in order for her lap dog to be allowed to sit in her lap for the flight. In other words, she knew how to work the system.




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