Moronic Passenger Stories

[jetexas]

Lets have em!..

Terminal:
"Where's gate A10?"..Sir, you are standing at it. See the giant A10 on the wall behind me?
"What time does Delta flight 235 leave?" Ma'am, I don't work for Delta. "Oh, so YOU DON"T KNOW???"

In flight:
Kids acting up, raising h*ll, spilling drinks, playing grab a$$, etc. FA calls up and says "We have two untagged UM's back here acting up that I can't control". Me: ok, so ask them where there parents are. FA: (calls back in a few).."Oh it's Ok, their mom was sitting across the aisle from them reading a book".


Inputs?

 

[Typhoon1244]

Fifteen minutes from landing in Asheville, NC...

Elderly female passenger: "This plane is going to Albany, isn't it?"

F/A: "No ma'am! We're going to Asheville."

Passenger: "But I wanted to go to Albany."

F/A: "Well ma'am, didn't you hear me announcing at the gate that this flight was going to Asheville?"

Passenger: "..I thought you were joking."

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A note I received from a passenger on a Brasilia during flight in light chop with occasional moderate: "Could you please turn on the yaw dampeners...it's very bumpy!"

My reply: "That's a great idea! We'll do it right now."

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1998: ASA's Concourse E satellite terminal at Dallas-Ft. Worth in the days before the flexible walkways were installed. On this occasion, our rampers were temporarily occupied with other duties. (Legitimate duties! Remember, this was '98!)

A middle-age female passenger emerges from the terminal holding her ticket envelope in front of her at arms length...perhaps hoping it would guide her to the correct aircraft. She then proceeds toward the first airplane she sees with a Delta logo, a 767 parked across the taxiway from her! And the best part? The next ten or eleven passengers followed right behind her!

Rampers came running from every direction and stopped them before they exited the ramp.

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And my favorite:

Very elderly female passenger: "Is this the little plane that takes me to the big plane?"

My F/O: "Yes ma'am, and I'm the little pilot that takes you to the big pilot."

 

[atrdriver]

Going through 10,000 from ATL to MGM I made the announcement and said the flight time would be about 37 minutes. FA calls up about 3 minutes later saying they have a lady freaking out in the back, and they needed me to talk to her (pre 9/11). I went back to find out what the problem was and she was upset because the schedule said depart 2000, arrive 2000. She couldn't understand why the flight time was going to be 37 minutes when the schedule said we should have already arrived. Also apparantly couldn't grasp that time change thing. I told her I would go back up front and look for the time warp button.

 

[Anais Nin]

The other day I was flying with a female Captain who was very professional and experienced, and upon boarding, an older gentleman berated her saying that there was no place in the cockpit for women. Right in front of several pax. I couldn't believe it. Now I finally see what gals have to go through in this industry.

 

[CubanSmoker]

"So are you some sort of pilot or something?"
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"I can't believe you guys fly us to Montreal and NONE of y'all speak French!" (Imagine the most obnoxious deep southern accent)
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In the hotel lobby in ROC waiting for our shuttle ride to the airport, an NWA captain and me (in uniform) are chatting in when this pax comes up and says, "Can one of you guys drive me over to the (So and So) Arena?"

Me: No sir, we don't work for the hotel, we're on our way to the airport.

Idiot: It'll just take a second, I have to get to the airport too right after that.

Me: No sir, we're pilots. We don't work for the hotel and we're not from here. You need to ask that man right over there (pointing to the shuttle driver).

Idiot: He's busy. It'll just take a second.

NWA Captain: Look sir, we're pilots for an AIRLINE. NOT some hotel shuttle drivers. We're not about to STEAL that van and drive you to some place that we don't even know how to get to. WE CAN'T HELP YOU!

Idiot: (Completely unphased and getting angry) But that van is easier to drive than some airplane. I REALLY need a ride. Come on, GET GOING!

NWA Captain: (Getting really angry) SIR, GO ASK SOMEONE ELSE. We are pilots NOT SHUTTLE DRIVERS!!!!

Idiot: Hey, aren't pilots supposed to wear some sort of hat?

Without saying another word, the captain and I reached down and scooped up our hats sitting on our suitcases, put them on and stared at him.

Idiot: Oh.

With that he threw all this paperwork he had in his hand in to the air and stormed off towards the elevators. By that time a group of about 15 people had gathered to see this drama. Everyone including the real shuttle driver stood there and laughed for a minute straight before anyone moved.

 

[jetexas]

Tired and at the end of a long four day, I was standing outside the terminal waiting for the employee bus. It became apparent to me that a man stood directly in front of me. I looked at him and he just blurts out "Wellll, you just gonna stand there??" me: Yessir! "Well, shouldn't you be helping me with my bags??" I looked over at his open car trunk and said "Nope". He got more angry and started tossing stuff out of his trunk and on to the curb. I finally told him I was pilot...not a porter.

 

[HMR]

Taking off Rwy 34 at Van Nuys enroute to Cabo. At about 50' someone in back starts yelling "STOP! STOP!" My crewmember and I look at each other wide-eyed thinking a wing is about to fall off. Two seconds later, the owner's son is frantically grabbing my shoulder "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! CABO IS SOUTH!!!"

 

[learflyer]

Taking off Rwy 34 at Van Nuys enroute to Cabo. At about 50' someone in back starts yelling "STOP! STOP!" My crewmember and I look at each other wide-eyed thinking a wing is about to fall off. Two seconds later, the owner's son is frantically grabbing my shoulder "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! CABO IS SOUTH!!!"

Funny you should bring that up...... We were doing a frac flight from DAB to MIA. We take off to the east over the water and ATC wants us to turn to the north for traffic. The owner in the back starts screaming "god d....t, miami is to the south!" More money than brains!!

 

[atrdriver]

Before VPS remodeled their terminal all the smokers had to go out front between legs (still do, but different layout). We'd stand there on the curb smoking and everyone who pulled up to the curb in a car would ask us if they could park there. "Sure thing, no problem" we'd say. The cops standing a few feet away would just shake their heads.

 

[cl-65link]

A few years ago I was pic on a flight from MEM-AEX(Alexandria LA). After we parked at the gate, two college-aged girls were deplaning, when one of them said to me "that was a quick flight, I thought it would take longer to fly from Memphis to Alexandria VIRGINIA!" Containing my laughter, I said were we in Alexandria Louisiana not Virginia. . They were stuck. We turned around 25 mins later, and went back to MEM.