Moronic Passenger Stories

[Rook]

F/O and I were Bs'ing in the 'pit while the pax were boarding. Heard a guy get on and immediately ask the flight attendant, "Where's the Bathroom?" Guess he shouldnt have had the Burrito Supreme.

Rook

 

[FL000]

A few years ago I was pic on a flight from MEM-AEX(Alexandria LA). After we parked at the gate, two college-aged girls were deplaning, when one of them said to me "that was a quick flight, I thought it would take longer to fly from Memphis to Alexandria VIRGINIA!" Containing my laughter, I said were we in Alexandria Louisiana not Virginia. . They were stuck. We turned around 25 mins later, and went back to MEM.

Obviously DCA is in Alexandria, but it's funny they would assume that the airport bears the name in any way. It reminds me of a time in high school when a friend of mine was driving to Atlanta from Augusta and took the Buckhead exit about 65 miles east of here. Frustrated that she couldn't find the address she was looking for, she went back home. She was also with a group that was going to Six Flags from Augusta, hit the perimeter, made 3 revolutions and went home.

 

[getnverted]

Taking off pre sunrise on a cold early morning in a metroliner with an immediate turn planned due to a thunderstorm. Climbing through 400 feet, starting the turn and doing the climb check when a passenger grabs me by the shoulder and starts shaking me and screaming, "FIRE, WE'RE ON FIRE!" Asked him what he was talking about and he said he stuck his fingers in those floor vents where the heat was coming out and they were really hot.

Number two for departure in IAD in a Saab. FA calls up and says a passenger is not comfortable because we don't have the correct flap setting for takeoff. I tell the FA to tell her we don't use flaps for takeoff and if she's not comfortable we can go back to the gate and she can get off. FA calls back and says she's fine. Climbing through 10,000 feet FA calls and says the passenger wants to thank us for finally setting the flaps to the correct position before takeoff.

 

[SiuDude]

I was in the back of a Continental DC-9 taking off from BWI on an April fool's day. Somewhere near V1 a passenger started yelling "Fire!" About 4 other people joined in. It was condensation on the wings. We came back around and landed with the equipment standing by.

 

[chperplt]

Pushed back in the 1900 and started #2.. Someone bangs on the cockpit door and I have to FO open it up. Lady standing there says that we shouldn't take off because the other engine wasn't running.

 

[Bluestreak]

Waiting for the train in PIT,some woman starts squawking "WHY ARE THE "E" GATES CLOSED ? ! HOW CAN I GET TO MY FLIGHT ?"

"Ah,ma'am,the "E" gates have been closed for a couple of months."

"BUT I HAVE AN "E" TICKET !!!"

Also overheard at the dear,old "E" gates:

Pax:"How do I get to the "A" concourse ?"

Unknown crew:"Get on the train and get off at the third stop."

 

[shamrock]

Pushed back in the 1900 and started #2.. Someone bangs on the cockpit door and I have to FO open it up. Lady standing there says that we shouldn't take off because the other engine wasn't running.

Had the same thing happen to me in the 22R money line at BOS during IOE. I thought it was funny, but the Captain was ticked. Guess it wasn't the first time he heard it.

Landing 4L in BOS, we we got a "Caution, Wake Turbulence" warning from tower for a departing 757 off 9. I flew a little high and landed long, no problem in a 1900 on a 8000'+ runway, and all we get is a little bump from the 757. After taxiing to the gate I get a lecture from a Private Pilot in back informing me that I was high on the VASI (the cockpit door was open) and I should pay more attention to how I fly. He told me his instructor would never let him get away with that! I thanked him for his advice and wished him a great day.

 

[OPECJet]

Sitting in the back of the Dash going to work, the crew pulled #1 into start/feather for the long taxi. The lady sitting behind me started asking everyone around her what was going on with that engine, presumably trying to get me to turn around and tell her what the deal was. (Wearing the uniform in the back syndrome...).

She finally taps me on the shoulder and asks what's up. I casually looked out the window and said I'd never seen it do that before. The flight attendant was laughing so hard it gave it away within seconds. My reward for the cruel behavior was being flicked on the ear...

 

[FL000]

I was deadheading in uniform once, and the takeoff was aborted at a relatively high speed. One guy turned to me and asked, "is this normal?"

I replied, "well, that was MY first aborted takeoff...how did I do?"

 

[AV1ATRX]

In my short time at the airline, I've already had the F/A call up front enroute to tell us that a passenger insists that he call and tell us that there is a crack in the wing and that we should land immediately. He tried to assure him that we had preflighted the airplane and it was okay, but the passenger couldn't be convinced. I felt sorry for the Flight Attendant, but also for the passenger because it must suck to be so afraid to fly that you're just sitting there waiting for a wing to fall off...