Moronic Flight Attendant Stories

[Fly2Scuba]

Ok, time to share. Overnighting in Montreal, and my 50 year old Flight Attendant has been here before so she knew ahead of time the scoop. Well, to get from the gate to outside and vice versa requires a mini-marathon walk. She for some reason decided to wear her high class Italian fashion statement high heels and thus trodged along at an estimated 1 knot cruise speed through the hallways of Dorval... complaining the whole time about foot fatigue. Then we get to the hotel and she wants to take a van 1/2 hour earlier (in the wee hours of the morning) than any of the other prior crews on the exact same overnight to compensate for the lengthy walk and her three toed sloth self induced shoe-wear-choice pace. Needless to say I basically told her in a non-direct fashion that she could take the earlier van, and the FO and I would take the next van. Otherwise she's a nice lady, just classic FA logic.

 

[Broke in CVG]

We were in LGA, and they preboarded a VIP. I saw this old lady walking towards the plane and asked the FA if she knew that was. Nope... It's Madeline Albright, she use to be Sec of State. Sec. of what state she asked. Sec of the United States I replied.... Oh, she said, she's the President's secretary? Nevermind.

 

[KeroseneSnorter]

Flew with one on an overnight in NY. 23 hour layover, crew decided to meet up and go see the sites since two of the F/A's were new and had never been to the city.

Anyhow, this one F/A shows up in a grade A, what the heck is that thing, 100% fashion nightmare outfit........this get up was beyond belief.......looked like a traffic accident, midget toss, and two legged amputee horse race all rolled into one outfit!

It was all we could do to not bust out laughing when she got off the elevator. You know it's bad when you are walking through Manhatten and even the New Yorkers are pointing and laughing!!!

I still have the image of that outfit burned in my retina.......even sitting here laughing about it as I type this and the story happened 4 years ago!

 

[Rez O. Lewshun]

Flying over crater national park. The Capt makes the PA so all pax can see. The FA comes into the cockpit to get a look. Capt explains millions of years ago [a metorite] hit the earth. The FA replies....

'WOW and look how close it came to hitting that road!'

 

[crashpad]

I like to introduce myself to new flight attendants as 'Joe, I'm of Hawiian decent and my last name is spelled Mah-Mah'. If the f/a making cabin announcements is'nt bright enough to check the paperwork, the passengers are treated to something like:
"And today the aircraft is under the excellent command of jo' momma!"

 

[slowto250]

Flying over crater national park. The Capt makes the PA so all pax can see. The FA comes into the cockpit to get a look. Capt explains millions of years ago the crater hit the earth. The FA replies....

'WOW and look how close it came to that road!'

Pretty dang funny IMO. But not too sure there were any Mensa society members onboard this flight. I mean, the crater hit the earth ? Good story nonetheless.

 

[Xtremepilot]

Yeah....It's called a push-back....

Flight attendant dings us up front:
"What's going on...is everything ok?"
....Yeah....why?....
(tug driver is also hearing this)
"We are moving backwards....is that normal?"
......ITS CALLED A PUSHBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
both of us crack up and the tug driver is almost crying...and no, the FA was not new...

 

[flyinlow67]

Don't get this kinda stuff flyin bags! Keep going, this is good stuff!
(although a stupid courier thread is sounding good over in the cargo section)

 

[SouthTex]

Hey, who hasn't heard this one:
(I'm new to the company)
FA: So, this is your first time flying?
ME: Yeah, flying for a 121 carrier
FA: Must be overwhelming to have never flown an airplane before
Not skipping a beat-
Capt: What, do you think they hand this (expletive) out on the street!?

Enjoy

 

[front9]

The good old days before September 11, when cute flight attendants were allowed to “visit” the cockpit, we called a flight attendant up one time and asked her to touch the front windshield.

She immediately pulled back her hand and said “wow, that’s hot” to which the captain replied with a hushed tone, “don’t tell the rest of the passengers, but we just exceeded the speed of HEAT”. With a somewhat concerned look on her face she asked if we were in any danger. The captain said we were o.k. for now but needed her to feel every window in the cabin to make sure they were not hot.

So with due diligence the flight attendant went about here task feeling every window in the aircraft. The jumpseater sitting in the back looked a little concerned that the FA was feeling every window and inquired as to what was going on. The FA replied “well I guess you’re a pilot so I can tell you, we just exceeded the speed of heat and I’m checking every window to make sure they’re not getting hot”

The jumper came running up to the cockpit as fast as he could locked the door and started crying because he was laughing so hard. Needless to say, we did not get any coffee for the rest of the month we flew with her, but you got to love the good old days.