acaTerry
SAPM
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2001
- Posts
- 2,393
One commute too many here, and I have some venting to do in the form of advice for all: pilots, passengers and the press.
PILOTS
1. Act like a pro. I won't say what airline, but for the love all that is holy...if I ever see another crew playing tag in the jetway, I am going to schlap the krap outta you. That was pathetic.
2. Look like a pro. I know the blue Oakleys protect your eyes from the suns harmful rays in that Dash at 11,000 feet, but really...take off the blue Oakleys when you get in the terminal. It makes you look dumb. And lose the "No Fear" 1 & 1/2 inch lanyard too.
3. Keep the passengers informed. After a very nice flight with a nice landing, the pilots taxied around ORD 3, count 'em 3 times. Now you guys know how long that takes, and I see no excuse to not say a word to the pax, especially at ORD where they likely have tight connections, and the plane is full. Grand total of taxi: 39 minutes, and not a word from our fearless pilots.
FLIGHT ATTENDANTS
1. Don't pretend you know the plane. On the approach in PHX, where the WX was a marginal Sky Clear, Visibilty 100,000 miles in light smog, the teeneager behind me was still wearing his headphones (no, I refuse to call them "earbuds"). The FA came running back as if the plane was on fire, and yells "QUICK! Take them off ! You'll interfere with our landing gear!". Puh-LEASE!
2. Don't overstep your bounds. If a pilot wishes to speak to the crew after the flight is over and all the other pax are gone, and presents proper credentials, don't play TSA agent. I was on a plane that was throwing sparks like crazy from the landing gear during the takeoff roll (i.e. they were not applying brakes) and wished to inform the crew, but the FA refused me to do this even though the flight was over, and I was the only pax on board. I figured it must have not been too big a deal since no fire occureed in the well, and as I was a first-timer on this particular type plane, I let it go. But I would have felt better hearing it from a pilot.
PASSENGERS
1. STFU. I am so tired of being wedged between a hippo and an elephant I could puke. Don't f-ing dare put your krap under my seat because there is not enough room for your hooves in front of you. And NO, YOU MAY NOT USE MY TRAY TABLE. If you can not lower yours b/c your belly is in the way...lose some weight!
2. STFU...again. After wedging yourself in your seat, don't turn to me and say "oooowww, these planes are so small". The problem is not the plane so small...it's you being TOO BIG! And pull your side-boobs back into your own seat please!
3. Wash. Before engaging in air travel, remember that you will be in a confined area with many people. In such a situation, dirty underwear, smelly butts, and general BO can be quite noticeable, even offensive. To remedy such an undesireable situation, stand beneath a source of running water. Next, find the object labeled "soap" and remove the packaging. Rub the soap between your wet hands until a foam forms. Spread the foam evenly upon your body, and rinse with water. Repeat as necessary. To enhance the effect of washing, apply generous amounts of anti-perspirant / deodorant and then travel freely.
4. Wear shoes. Place your grimy, smelly feet in shoes, not flip-flops. And keep them on. Man, how it ticks me off when you take your shoes off and put them on the armrest of the seat in front of you (where I am sitting), especially when your mushroom-covered tootsies actually touch my elbow! How about if I grab the back of your head, and push your nose right up my crack and let it go? Would you like that? I notice this is usually the offense of the "natural" people, the ones with back packs, parachute pants and whose hair looks like hemp rope. Well nature boy, hike next time instead of flying.
5. No, you do not get a movie, or a meal. Why? Because you are a tightwad, penny-pinching, uneducated, freeloading bum who is paying less for a ticket than people were 20 years ago. Yes, THAT is where customer service went....away with the ticket prices. Now drive your trailer back to Wal-Mart and buy some more flip-flops.
THE PRESS
1. Quit lying. At least about pilot slaries. Do your homework and you will see that the average pilot makes far less than $138 an hour. And by the way...we do not get paid on the 40 hour week, so quit saying we make $450,000 a year!
I feel better now....
PILOTS
1. Act like a pro. I won't say what airline, but for the love all that is holy...if I ever see another crew playing tag in the jetway, I am going to schlap the krap outta you. That was pathetic.
2. Look like a pro. I know the blue Oakleys protect your eyes from the suns harmful rays in that Dash at 11,000 feet, but really...take off the blue Oakleys when you get in the terminal. It makes you look dumb. And lose the "No Fear" 1 & 1/2 inch lanyard too.
3. Keep the passengers informed. After a very nice flight with a nice landing, the pilots taxied around ORD 3, count 'em 3 times. Now you guys know how long that takes, and I see no excuse to not say a word to the pax, especially at ORD where they likely have tight connections, and the plane is full. Grand total of taxi: 39 minutes, and not a word from our fearless pilots.
FLIGHT ATTENDANTS
1. Don't pretend you know the plane. On the approach in PHX, where the WX was a marginal Sky Clear, Visibilty 100,000 miles in light smog, the teeneager behind me was still wearing his headphones (no, I refuse to call them "earbuds"). The FA came running back as if the plane was on fire, and yells "QUICK! Take them off ! You'll interfere with our landing gear!". Puh-LEASE!
2. Don't overstep your bounds. If a pilot wishes to speak to the crew after the flight is over and all the other pax are gone, and presents proper credentials, don't play TSA agent. I was on a plane that was throwing sparks like crazy from the landing gear during the takeoff roll (i.e. they were not applying brakes) and wished to inform the crew, but the FA refused me to do this even though the flight was over, and I was the only pax on board. I figured it must have not been too big a deal since no fire occureed in the well, and as I was a first-timer on this particular type plane, I let it go. But I would have felt better hearing it from a pilot.
PASSENGERS
1. STFU. I am so tired of being wedged between a hippo and an elephant I could puke. Don't f-ing dare put your krap under my seat because there is not enough room for your hooves in front of you. And NO, YOU MAY NOT USE MY TRAY TABLE. If you can not lower yours b/c your belly is in the way...lose some weight!
2. STFU...again. After wedging yourself in your seat, don't turn to me and say "oooowww, these planes are so small". The problem is not the plane so small...it's you being TOO BIG! And pull your side-boobs back into your own seat please!
3. Wash. Before engaging in air travel, remember that you will be in a confined area with many people. In such a situation, dirty underwear, smelly butts, and general BO can be quite noticeable, even offensive. To remedy such an undesireable situation, stand beneath a source of running water. Next, find the object labeled "soap" and remove the packaging. Rub the soap between your wet hands until a foam forms. Spread the foam evenly upon your body, and rinse with water. Repeat as necessary. To enhance the effect of washing, apply generous amounts of anti-perspirant / deodorant and then travel freely.
4. Wear shoes. Place your grimy, smelly feet in shoes, not flip-flops. And keep them on. Man, how it ticks me off when you take your shoes off and put them on the armrest of the seat in front of you (where I am sitting), especially when your mushroom-covered tootsies actually touch my elbow! How about if I grab the back of your head, and push your nose right up my crack and let it go? Would you like that? I notice this is usually the offense of the "natural" people, the ones with back packs, parachute pants and whose hair looks like hemp rope. Well nature boy, hike next time instead of flying.
5. No, you do not get a movie, or a meal. Why? Because you are a tightwad, penny-pinching, uneducated, freeloading bum who is paying less for a ticket than people were 20 years ago. Yes, THAT is where customer service went....away with the ticket prices. Now drive your trailer back to Wal-Mart and buy some more flip-flops.
THE PRESS
1. Quit lying. At least about pilot slaries. Do your homework and you will see that the average pilot makes far less than $138 an hour. And by the way...we do not get paid on the 40 hour week, so quit saying we make $450,000 a year!
I feel better now....
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