I have never...

[FL000]

I've never flown into an uncontrolled airport using runway X left traffic and flown runway X right traffic...all the while announcing cessna 123 right downwind for runway X, cessna 123 right base runway x. I wondered why people were looking at me strangely on the ground.

I have never landed on a runway with a big yellow "X" at the end.

Those darn Roman airports! I can't ever read their signage.

 

[Brett Hull]

I have never gotten out of the Navajo using the crew door, jumped off of the wing at the leading edge and smacked my head on the prop.

I've never jumped off the front of the wing of a baron by proping my hands on the nose and right engine cowl, stupidly let go with my right hand, and d@mn near knocked myself unconscious by slamming my head on the right engine.

I've also never leaned my knees on an unlatched learjet door and had it pop open sending me face first toward the asphalt in front of a female audience in Windsor.

 

[floatflyer99]

I have never pushed a 172 into a fence, bending it's rudder all to he!!

I have never scraped a float on a rock, reef, or three or four different docks.

 

[wxman13]

I have never...had my girlfriend perform "services" in night IMC

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has never thought of doing this. And I swear I will never think about actually doing this in the future.

 

[enigma]

I was never told, "Shuttle11, cleared to land 26L, DO NOT PASS THE UNITED 727 ON FINAL FOR 26R"

I never passed the United 72.

I never held 200 up to short final so as to catch the UAL 727

I've never thought I would miss Stapleton

I've also never taken a Lear35 into the air with a fuel cap loose.

enigma

 

[Typhoon1244]

I've never thought I would miss Stapleton.

What'd you hit instead?

 

[PilotMonkey]

Ive never flown all day and then realized that my wings were on the wrong side of my shirt.

 

[mudkow60]

...Never, on shutdown, have I secured an engine instead of going to ground idle

...Never have I taxied a small plane into area where I had to shut down, and push, because I was boxed into a corner

...Never have perfomed the landing checklist, step by step, on tower freq instead of ICS

...Never have I walked out of a spinning helo, only to see your copilot standing beside you on the ramp

...Never have I trimmed the tops of small trees with my rotor blades

 

[SDF2BUF2MCO]

Never have taxied off a snow covered taxiway (what's that crunching sound and why aren't we moving?!).
Never read the paper while flying (does the sports section count?).
I'm sure there will be more as time goes on.

 

[Typhoon1244]

Never have I walked out of a spinning helo, only to see your copilot standing beside you on the ramp

"Sweet Jesus! What are you doing out here???"