divorce corner

[NuGuy]

Heyas,

Been down this road. All I can say is if you are planning of getting married, GET A PRE-NUP. Now with people getting married later in life, very often both partners bring something to the table, so this goes for the girls as well as the guys.

Some might say "well, you are planning to fail"...if you look at the stats, it's not good either way.

I did mine as a second thought, and it was fairly simple. She had a decent career, and she didn't have any problem signing it. I wouldn't have gone through with it if she hadn't.

In the end, it saved my a$$. We were only married a short time, but she decided that she was too inflexible to deal with aviation. We were going end it amicably, but as soon as she got "advice", she decided she was going to try to make some bank.

The pre-nup really prevented that...no laywer wanted to touch it without big cash up front..cash that was't comming from me. Quite a few of them are looking for easier game. In the end, I was only out about a grand in lawyer and filing fees, and I kept everything I came in with, including my home and car. She didn't get anything at all.

Please, please, please, learn from a relatively happy ending. If you are thinking about marrage...give a pre-nup VERY serious consideration.

Nu

 

[G21Agoose]

I have been married for a long time.

I have children who I love and my wife and I created these fantastic little people. Things are not always great- or even good- and are sometimes miserable. BUT I am there for the long run- for my children, for my wife, and for myself.
Divorce is incredibly hard and painful and I offer my best to those who are going through it. But, working at something, no matter how impossibly difficult it seems, might just be the answer in the end.
Good Luck.

 

[SPilot]

I married two months ago, with a woman I met two days before the wedding (no waiting time in Las Vegas!!). I love being married, but foresee a hard break-up in may 2009.

 

[Oh-ryan]

I know on this thread everyone is all touchy/feely... yadda yadda yadda. I've puked in my own mouth several times while reading some of this blubber. I am not here to poke fun at your breakups. I am here, however, to poke fun at the guys who want their cats back. First off, let the b!tch keep the cat... you shouldn't have had one in the first place. Secondly... get a dog.

 

[jetfo]

I’m on the back side of mine now, together for 7 years, split in SEP. 2006. File DEC 2006. Turned out all she ever wanted was a green card and a flying job that I helped her get.

My flying job kept me on the road for sometime. So after the first month she told me that she didn’t need me any more. In the end she had hooked up with her 63 year old captain that’s 32 year older then her. Guess there happy flying charter together in BUF.

I never saw it coming.

But do hang in there and it will get better. The hardest part is trying to stop the VIDEO REPLAYS IN YOUR MIND………………

And the “what if`s” from morning to night. It is amazing how little sleep you get, how much weight you loose and still manage to work. Try not to drink to much because it doesn’t help.

Friends are the greatest help. I also found a site that really helped me.


“http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/site_map.html


Remember this “the sun will come up tomorrow and you never know what the tide will bring in”.

Thanks for your input, it helps!

 

[dojetdriver]

It's simple, www.nomarriage.com

 

[atpcliff]

Hi!

General Advice:
The "25/30" rule. The girl should be at least 25, the guy 30. Recent brain research has shown that our brains don't stop developing until about age 25, and we all now guys are about 5 years behind women in the maturation process. If you don't believe me, substitute teach in Grade 9 for a day.

Marriage is not an EVENT. It's a PROCESS, and takes continual work. The less relationship work your partner does, the more you have to do to make it work. If you don't want to work, don't get married.

Sex:
The #1 complaint by ALL couples worldwide is sexual incompatibility. In other words, one partner wants it more than the other, and it's enough to cause problems. So, if you are in this situation, realize that everyone else is also, and changing partners probably won't change things. Keep talking, and keep working on it, and just deal with it when things get tough-hopefully they'll get better. People's desire changes over time, so if you're not getting enough, or are being badgered about not giving it up, things will probably "improve" over time.

If you're a typical guy like me, who likes it, realize that the one who wears the skirt has all the power. Try your best to help your wife out, and don't sweat the small stuff. Save your ammunition for the really, really important stuff. If it's minor, go along with your wife, and things will be a lot better. Remember, "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated."

If you're a typical wife of a typical guy who likes it, I recommend RBJs. I know of several wives who do this, and they swear by it. Their husbands are at their beck and call, and their girlfriends are all jealous and wanted to learn their secret.
Note: I did NOT think this idea up-I just read about it. And, my CEO (otherwise known as the Supreme Being), unfortunately for me, doesn't subscribe to this idea.

Me:
I got married in college (violate the 25/30 rule right off). I was devoted to my wife and did not want to get divorced, period. I finally relented (at the 4 year point) because she was adamant that she wanted to marry her "Christian" boyfriend and live in a "Christian" family. She got married 2 weeks after the divorce. I felt much better, surprisingly, after I agreed to her divorce request, AND I paid off all my credit cards!

I remarried to another "2nd timer". We have had difficult times, and times when I was the only one working on our relationship, but it paid off big time. Things are going great (13 years this year), and we have 2 fantastic kids (we were lucky in that we had no kids the first time). Sometimes I get mad at our kids, or have to discipline them, but I continually let them know that they are good kids, and that we love them, which goes a long way.

I buy my CEO (and her female assistant, when I bring treats to work) flowers at random times, give her tons of positive feedback, and I'm ALWAYS telling her I love her at least 10x a day. Sometimes she jokes around and tells me she's not sure how I feel about her because I've only told her 5-6 times that day.

She had some pretty hard edges when we first met, but my (almost) 100% positive feedback has finally worked. She is a lot less defensive, and much more open to me (and others) and we have a fantastic relationship now. I've also grown through the process of our relationship, and I think I'm a lot better husband and father now than when we were first married.

My flying is good for us, because we have our own space when we're gone, and we look forward to spending time together. I was averaging 11 days off per month, but I'll be getting more soon. I had about 13 days off before, and my CEO liked that a lot.

Whether you're thinking about ending a serious relationship, getting married, getting divorced, or making a big relationship change, I wish you the best.

God Bless,
cliff
YIP

Here's some videos on the subject:
Is your spouse/significant other a lazy slug? Tell them to “Get A Job”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0FiFqL1fDk

Pi$$ed off at the hubby or the other woman (alien or not)? Mad and just want to blow stuff up? Don't mess with a Cold Hard B!tch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4049BAwTD8

Had it with stuck up, demanding princesses? Watch Madonna get ridden hard, compliments of BMW:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ5Je2D-eGg

Need some love? All Is Love, by Bjork:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ5Je2D-eGg

An excellent, sappy relationship video, by Regina Spektor (ironically titled “Fidelity”):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ5Je2D-eGg

Would you like to feel BETTER? RS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGBNFEjPl38

The weight of the world got you down? A positive and uplifting message by Terra Naomi:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlXlhFlHR8A

 

[atpcliff]

Hi!

Sorry, I SCREWED UP the video links.

Here is the correction:


Here's some videos on the subject:
Is your spouse/significant other a lazy slug? Tell them to “Get A Job”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0FiFqL1fDk



Pi$$ed off at the hubby or the other woman (alien or not)? Mad and just want to blow stuff up? Don't mess with a Cold Hard B!tch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKxxN5-VXbE



Had it with stuck up, demanding princesses? Watch Madonna get ridden hard, compliments of BMW:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ5Je2D-eGg



Need some love? All Is Full Of Love, by Bjork:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PohypzefANU



An excellent, sappy relationship video, by Regina Spektor (ironically titled “Fidelity”):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGTDRztaCCw



Would you like to feel BETTER? RS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGBNFEjPl38



The weight of the world got you down? A positive and uplifting message by Terra Naomi:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlXlhFlHR8A

 

[crash-proof]

If you're a typical wife of a typical guy who likes it, I recommend RBJs. I know of several wives who do this, and they swear by it.

RBJs???

Really Bad Jokes? Rochester Business Journal? Red Bean Jelly?

 

[av8orboy]

I newly married so the sex is good, the companionship is great, I couldn't be happier. I want to know the leading cause of your divorces? I really feel bad hearing about your divorces but I wonder what is was that got you to this point?

Airplanes

 

[Amish RakeFight]

RBJs???

Really Bad Jokes? Rochester Business Journal? Red Bean Jelly?

SURRRRVEYYYYYY SEZZZZZZZZZZ.......


RBJ = Raw Blow J***!

 

[crash-proof]

Airplanes

Wrong!

Women.

 

[414Flyer]

I have been divorced twice, got married at 18, lost a child, the husband beat me for 3 years straight! Guess what I.m a survivor and great person. I don't look back. Got married again to a great husband and father, I LOST INTEREST IN HIM, He is still my friend the father of my son, and never dated anyone,

Why is it that someone that beats you, you hang around for years, and someone that treated you good, you lost interest?

I wonder if thats why jobless gang bangers, biker gang members, etc, have no problem meeting women.

 

[learflyer]

That's the type the dumb broads go for! Bring it on Miss Twitty cat.

 

[414Flyer]

Not completely germane, but funny.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html

Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.

Date: 2007-02-06, 2:24PM PST


I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely bat******************** insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes bat******************** insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of ********************. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bull********************, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

 

[NuGuy]

Heyas,

Everyone should read "The Predatory Female" before they get married.

Sure the guy who wrote it obviously had a bad time, but it's a fun read, and not without a bit of truth.

Nu

 

[Amish RakeFight]

Not completely germane, but funny.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html

Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.

Excellent story.

Thanks for sharing. CL does have some pretty good posts.

 

[Bullitt]

Thanks for sharing

414Flyer,

This is my first post on flightinfo but I just gotta say that is one of the best damn stories I've heard in awhile!!! Nicely Done.

:beer:

 

[PAA744]

thanks 414flyer

thanks for the story... too much truth!

I have talked to my dad and grandfathers about this and they tell me that girls that are cold will always be cold!!!!!!

Always - ALWAYS listen to your Dad and GrandDAD!!!

 

[cooler07]

No problem JetFo glad to help.

3 months now after posting that, I have seen and done more things then I ever thought possible. After digging my way out of that crap hole of a failed marriage.


Divorce final first of March.

Repaired credit rating making it jump a 100 points to the good, live in 1500 squ; foot above garage apartment fully furnished for $200 a months all bills paid in great location, 3 trips to Europe with second part time gig. Big pay raise from primary job.

Met beautiful 32 year old, red headed Russian, “and the Russian women still have the family values of being a team together, not a bloody competitor” she is taking me to Russia for vacation next month. 3 months from now I’ll be scuba diving with her in Mexico, Turned 45 and bought a 2007 Ford Mustang GT/CS California Special, have more money now then I know what to do with.

It is amazing how one’s life can turn to crap in a instant and then after some time become better then it ever was! Also knowing that what goes around comes around.

As was said by others here, the best thing that EVER HAPPENED to me was for the X to get hooked up with old captain! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I should tell X thanks, but really just hate the #%^%&%! For having put me threw that hell for no reason, meaning if you are someone out there who’s thinking of leaving your other half, then DON’T PLAY THEM FOR 5 MONTHS TELLING THEM IT WILL WORK OUT, when all they were doing was trying to be better off with the money!!!!!!

I’m glad that I have had no contact with either of them and hopefully NEVER will! It wouldn’t be good for them!

So to all the people out there male or female that get burned and thrown away like a used piece of what ever and thought that it was the love of your life! Just make it through the hard times you will “drink a lot!!!!!VT’s work real good LOL” and soon one day you’ll wakeup from the nightmare.

No I’m not some bull sh$% marriage expert and everyone is different, but I did learn a lot about myself and people, also what they are capable of in the hurt department, and that’s both sides by the way.

And I do know this now, from old TV show! “my future so bright I have to wear sunglasses”

Good luck to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!