Diarrhea in a freighter?

[blingair]

Seven pages with one hundred posts about poo...its good to know your not alone.

 

[GCD]

I flew a 747-300 trip with JALways from HNL to Nagoya. The upper deck lavs were right outside the cockpit door, facing each other. I got up to go back to galley, which was at the rear of the stretched upper deck. After a a cup of coffee, I went back toward the cockpit and found the curtain drawn between the lavs and the cabin. I opened the curtain and found a litlle old lady squating on the floor between the lavs. A three coil steamer was being laid as I opened the curtain. I guess the little old lady just couldn't hold it.

I closed the curtain back and went back to the galley. I told the Thai flight attendant that there was a mess in front of the lavs. She went up there and immediately returned cussing me in Thai. For a long time during that flight, I kept wondering why she was mad at me and not the old lady. Well, it turns out the little old lady had finished the deed by the time the flight attendant got up there, and she thought that I had laid the steemer.

 

[JediNein]

who empties the tanks after you empty your tanks? when you go to the bathroom in the on-board lav, who is in charge of emptying the holding tanks? is there a guy at airports who has that specific awful but probably well-paying job? or do the airlines/airports contract out to personal sanitation businesses?

Depends, and oh do I wish some of 'em had Depends. Lay eggs in their own clothes, not on the seats!

It's a lowly ramp agent that gets lav truck duties. The clean water hose never develops a leak, but the dump side always has several. The pay is not worth it.

However, I have found that there are many vinyl seat covers that will protect the interior or whatever is left of said interior when you are so coated in blue that you squish blue when you walk.

Standing in a driving rainstorm takes about an hour to get the blue off the clothes, another hour and your skin will turn a light blue. The warm shower at home with some vanilla suave shampoo reduces the time by 30 minutes. I have gone as an Andromian (Star Trek alien) during Halloween and no one batted an eye. Supposedly the blue is a disinfectant and it does seem to work as I have yet to test positive for any of the nasty stuff that is contained within.

Yes, the blue ice has hit the turbine, knocked off an engine on an MD product, and the lav truck has hit a turboprop causing such headlines as the "Fit Has Really Hit the Shan!" or it's less polite version.

Keep it 'coming' guys! These are quite funny, but not to be read whilst upon the throne.

Fly SAFE!
Jedi Nein

 

[b747dogg]

When I had Diarrhea in a B747 freighter, I just went back to the full size Lav, closed the door and did the deed. Then I flushed and washed my hands. On the way back to cockpit I cooked myself a steak dinner. All while wearing flip flops and sweat pants. Oh, the life of a freight dogg.

 

[ATRCAPT]

When you're pushing VMO and you feel your colon blow.

when you're pushing from the gate, and you start to percolate...
when you're joining the loc, and your o-ring finally broke...
when you're flirting with the stu, but you've got to make some poo...

 

[AA717driver]

My girfriend(now wife of 19 years) was flying with me from IND to PDK in a A36. She looks out at Louisville and says "are we almost there?". Uh, no, that's Louisville. Uh, oh. Fortunately, she was an X-ray tech and back then they used really wide film. She had one of the plastic film canisters with her makeup in it. Not for long. Fortunately, it had a really tight screw-on lid.

Right after I upgraded at TWA, I flew with this FO who used to fly for Central Air Freight and Trans States. He said one friend on the check run had to empty out a check bag and do the deed in the back of the Commander. Another guy didn't bother emptying the checks out.

At Trans States in the J32 one of the captains had this huge 747-sized flight bag and he had to sit in in the bag compartment in the back of the plane. It sat right beside the ledge, open. Apparently, one of the pax had to do the deed and thought hanging his a$$ over the edge of the ledge was a good idea. After the flight he found his bag was full of runny poop! Into the dumpster it went!

I just heard this story about a TWA capt. from the old days who would light his farts in the cockpit(back when people smoked in the cockpit). Well, he went to a Christmas party for the local pilots and after a bunch of booze, he hops up on the kitchen table for a command performance. He drops his drawers and stands by to light it off and...He drops a t@rd on the table! Unfazed, he stands up and says "Well, that's show biz", hikes up his pants and gracefully departs the party.

Man, you can't buy entertainment like that these days.

 

[TWA Dude]

Sitting in the jumpeat of an A320, no problem until five minutes before landing. Cramps, sweat, the usual, but I think (hope) I can wait. Landed. Gate wait! Leaned over and told the captain, "this is embarrasing but I gotta go now." He says okay. As I stand up I hear the door to the lav slam shut. Some lousy pax beat me to it, the mother fokker! I literally was pushing my cheeks together to assist my hemorrhoid-weakened sphincter. Yes, I did make it. Sometimes wishes do come true.

 

[Northern Lights]

I just heard this story about a TWA capt. from the old days who would light his farts in the cockpit(back when people smoked in the cockpit). Well, he went to a Christmas party for the local pilots and after a bunch of booze, he hops up on the kitchen table for a command performance. He drops his drawers and stands by to light it off and...He drops a t@rd on the table! Unfazed, he stands up and says "Well, that's show biz", hikes up his pants and gracefully departs the party.

Man, you can't buy entertainment like that these days.

Good night that's funny!

I remember struggling through a cross country during my instrument training. It was a three legger and as we were leveling off on the first segment I could feel it. #1 and #2. I thought about asking if we could make a quick stop at the first airport, but decided to just keep going. By the time we got to the second airport I was really struggling, but for some reason decided that we could just do a low approach and high tail it back home.

That last leg was the worst. The gas was building up so bad that it was starting to hurt. It was also making me have to pee as well. I tried to vent a little but if felt like if I let it go, I would prolly wet my pants too!

So now were on the approach to home base screaming down final at about Vno. Well of course we were gaining on the plane in front of us and they were going to break us off to go to the back of the line. At that point, the instructor had mercy on me and canclelled IFR, and we contiunued for the landing.

Finally on the ramp, I stumbled out of the plane, leaving all of the post flight procedures to the CFI. I had finally made it to the batfhroom and really gassed the place up. My undies survived relatively unscathed, and I succeeded in not pissing myself.

So anyway...Don't drink to much before you go up, and never pass a toilet on the way to the plane!

When you're reachin' for the flaps and you think you're gonna crap...

 

[FL000]

When you're on the ILS and about to make a mess...

 

[FL000]

Dammm....who took my avatar down this time? My editing met one censor's approval.

 

[JediNein]

When yer doing the PT and hoping there's enough TP.

 

[minitour]

When you're on the takeoff roll but it's coming out your hole...

 

[Boogenagen]

When your setting the max thrust with your ass about to bust......

 

[jetbluedog]

Giant Log

Just last night...........seriously.....

Was on a A320 flight from JFK to MSP. Had to go pee mid-flight, FL370. Left the captain alone. Went to the front lav. Opened the door and took a look into the pot. Someone left a 8" long by 5" diameter log. I flushed, but the sucker just sat and spun in the hole. Flushed a couple more times, but no luck, that sucker just spun like a top. So I took a piss. Heard someone jimmie the door behind me. Opened the door up and a 90 year old lady was waiting. Said, "Excuse me ma'am". She entered the lav and I heard a loud....'OH MY WORD.....MARY MOTHER OF GOD!"
In MSP, I was saying my farewells to the pax at the front enterance. The little 90 year old lady approached me, shaking her head. She asks, "How does someone get something that size out of their body?......you must be Gay." I turned bright red, laughed, and said, "Ma'am, it was not me". She padded me on the shoulder and left onto the jet way without any further word. I watched her shake her head in an unbelieving fashion all the way up the jet-way until out of sight.

 

[trip]

when your reaching for some flap but all you get is splaat!
If I could only put er down I would clean up all the brown.
I ve never messed before- I feel like such a whore.

 

[Vik]

Maybe they can turn this story into a Jetblue commercial

"DirecTV isn't the only surprising thing you'll see" ...

Just last night...........seriously.....

Was on a A320 flight from JFK to MSP. Had to go pee mid-flight, FL370. Left the captain alone. Went to the front lav. Opened the door and took a look into the pot. Someone left a 8" long by 5" diameter log. I flushed, but the sucker just sat and spun in the hole. Flushed a couple more times, but no luck, that sucker just spun like a top. So I took a piss. Heard someone jimmie the door behind me. Opened the door up and a 90 year old lady was waiting. Said, "Excuse me ma'am". She entered the lav and I heard a loud....'OH MY WORD.....MARY MOTHER OF GOD!"
In MSP, I was saying my farewells to the pax at the front enterance. The little 90 year old lady approached me, shaking her head. She asks, "How does someone get something that size out of their body?......you must be Gay." I turned bright red, laughed, and said, "Ma'am, it was not me". She padded me on the shoulder and left onto the jet way without any further word. I watched her shake her head in an unbelieving fashion all the way up the jet-way until out of sight.

 

[414Flyer]

The sound file of the backseater, is from an F-15E I think. I have heard it too.

 

[Texan Driver]

The sound file of the backseater, is from an F-15E I think. I have heard it too.

Yea...it could very well be..it was sent to me by my bud who was an Eagle Driver (C models) and gave me the story behind it.

I get "It was a Mud Hen" from the Viper community and "It was a Viper" from the rest.

 

[acroflyr]

When your ride is really bumpy, and you have to punch a grumpy!

 

[SenorSpielbergo]

"How do you know so much about 'Oops! I crapped my pants'?"

"Because I'm wearing them.....and I just did!"