Additional You might be ...
You might be a frieght pilot...
Your log book has the exact same block time for each round trip, regardless of whether you did an approach or not, after a while you figure it just averages out.
You launch VFR, so you don't have to waste time getting home flying the STAR, besides you lost it somewhere in the bottom of your flight bag. And you offically launched and lost the search crew looking for the darn thing. I think they are still out there.
You fly like a blind mother-trucker trying to get to CVG DHL before all the bunks are taken, when you get there you launch upstairs faster then Jessie Owen to mark your territory for the next few hours. And you have seen better fights upstairs in the bunk room then on pay-for-view. As well you curse the safety inspector who insists you have a glowing red exit sign above the door, for those who have gotten there later then expected.
You have the hots for FBO girls and their magestic beauty in the wee hours of the morning. Wondering how the keep all that flesh inside such tight pieces of clothing. I.E. the hispanic woman in Midland, a major league chest, one button away from heaven.
You get hired on the assumption you are going to flying out of your domicle but only actually fly out of home, enough time to wash and clean your clothes in the first six months. The chief pilot himself can say all of this in a straight face, "If I told you the truth do you think it would have made a difference?"
You get hired to fly a run the company lost six months ago, but the hiring department gets the "bodies in the door, and the asses in the seats."
You know full well the 300' feet will set off the altitude alarm at ATC, and while doing your paperwork, without autopilot you skirt up to 250' before you trim it slightly in the other direction.
You have to jumpseat shamelessly on company business. and when you try to jumpseat for your own purposes your not on the approved list, but you are so good at playing dumb and sweet talking the airline agents they pity you and take you any way.
Your pay for hours FO, who is afraid of WX, Icing, and can't fly to save his life, just got hired @ COEX, and you can't get an interview.
ATC asks how was that storm you just penetrated through tornado alley, and you reply, " It was better then a three dollar ride at the county fair!"
You call in your times to your company and they ask, " Your on the ground, my God we knew you where crazy ...."
Your girlfriend knows not to make any plans more then 24 hours in advance.
Your company considers Dickies the offical company approved dress pant.
Your company retires the blue shirts after sorting out they don't come in extra long, and there is more ass crack around the ramp, then a plumbers convention.
And sadly and respectfully, you have flown long enough to respect and appreciate the risks that we take and the planes we fly may have a humorus side. But deep down each time a Caravan, a 402, or another plane crashes you have real faces behind the article in the paper, if it makes the paper, and a part of you cries out to no one, but hates the crap that goes on.
To my friends that have been lost, God Bless.
