What are the best Pranks/Jokes played on fellow Crew/Coworkers?

[81Horse]

... you guessed it, I pinned him to the roof. ...

Heh heh heh. At my house, we call that Float the Puppy.

That dog never has been quite right.

 

[skydork]

Peanut butter strategically smeared on the back of the yoke.:laugh:

 

[GARFF]

Heh heh heh. At my house, we call that Float the Puppy.

Speaking of Floating Puppy.
http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=754





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[81Horse]

Hah!

Yeah ... just like that.

 

[pgcfii2002]

These are hilarious!!!! Keep them coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[FL420]

One I like is the "onboard ATM."

Some of our aircraft have ACARS printers in the center pedestal even though we don't have ACARS. It is easy to replace the paper roll in the printer with a $20, $50 or $100 bill. Several bills can be taped end to end with scotch tape.

When a FA comes in the cockpit, one of the pilots complains about being out of cash and needing to find an ATM ASAP upon arrival. The conversation goes on about the difficulty of finding an ATM in the terminal that isn't too far away, broken, etc.

The other pilot says something like "Why bother looking for an ATM? Why don't you just use the onboard ATM?" The broke pilot says "Good idea. I forgot about the onboard ATM."

He then inputs some numbers on the CDU/MCDU scratchpad and line selects them somewhere(where they will "do no harm.") After a few seconds he slides his hand back to the ACARS printer and surreptitiously presses the SLEW button causing the printer to feed out the bill(s.)

The FA usually can't wait to tell her friends in the back about the "onboard ATM."

 

[A Squared]

While the FO is heading to the back, the Captain asks for an expedited descent to FL230. He gets it, noses over, hits the speed brakes, and goes to flight idle. Turns around to see the FO pinned to the ceiling for about 2 minutes if done properly.

You realize that after 2 minutes in a sustained negative g pushover, your vertical speed woud be about 240,000 fpm, don't you?

 

[NoPax]

You realize that after 2 minutes in a sustainde negative g pushover, your vertical speed woud be about 240,000 fpm, don't you?

That must account for the 10 hours it took to get from ORD to STL

 

[ReverseSensing]

You realize that after 2 minutes in a sustained negative g pushover, your vertical speed woud be about 240,000 fpm, don't you?

But the story was so good without all your highfalutin' "facts!"

 

[bubbers44]

The captain was bored one day we were flying our 6th leg so said he had an idea so crawled down that hole in the E&E compartment behind the captain's seat in the MD80. He then said to call the flight attendant up and tell her to go back and find him to answer a controllers question

She went back and five minutes later came up and said he wasn't back there. So of course I looked at her and said I was serious that I needed him. I tapped on the floor and he came up and was sitting in his seat when she came up the next time. The airline no longer exists by the way.

 

[Flyerjosh]

I was told a story by my former chief pilot once... he used to work at Eastern. Shortly after being hired, he flew with a captain that took the "gearup, shutup" concept to a new level.

Right after takeoff, he would turn to the my boss and say you have it. Then go to the back and read the paper in first class until he heard the gear come down on approach. At which point he would fold up the paper, reenter the cockpit and land the plane.

Well after about 3 weeks of this, my boss gets reassigned for a round. When he comes back, the captain doesn't leave the cockpit... instead he sits there pissed off, not saying a thing.

Turns out the replacement FO was a real senior dude that didn't put up with any of that BS. Shortly after the CA left the FO went back and sat down next to the CA and read the paper...


Another good one came when I was jumpseating on a Mesaba Airlines flight. We were in a Saab 340, taxiing behind a Northwest DC9. ATC asked us to pull up as close to the 9 as possible so that traffic could get behind us on the taxiway.

Somehow the NWA crew figured out that we were behind them, so they decided to have some fun and start revving the engines so we get buffeted around a bit. The captain of the Saab gets pissed, so he shoves the props into BETA and starts revving back at the 9. I guess it was enough to cause some spurious engine indications cuz a few seconds later the NWA crew reported some questionable engine readings and returned to the gate. Talk about Karma!

 

[Slippery Mick]

I pretended to be dead once. My FO was pissed. I bought the beer.

 

[bubbers44]

We both played dead for the flight attendant when she was concerned about a sandwich shop at BUR that we had just eaten at that made her sick the week before. We didn't answer any of their calls for coffee so when they found their spare key and opened the cockpit door we were both slumped over. He snickered so it didn't last long. Probably pushed that one a bit. Same out of business airline on left coast.

 

[bustinmins]

A 1900 crew was assigned to taxi to a runway in PIT. On the taxi, ATC advises a MD 80 to hold short for the 1900. The Mad Dog Crew blatently passes that hold short and turns in front of the 1900. The 1900 captain was furious! He reports this to ATC. The controller scolds the Mad Dog crew but allows the MD 80 to stay in the spot. As the MD 80 pulled into position and hold, the 1900 crew reported, "Looks like the MD80 has some ice on the tail." Needless to say, the Mad Dog crew returned to the wash for another round while the 1900 crew continued on. I believe the word for that is " touche' ".

 

[Lead Sled]

I pretended to be dead once. My FO was pissed. I bought the beer.

If you're in a seniority system, never do that - it gets everyone's hopes up.

 

[Occam's Razor]

My F/O got me on my last trip.

We were getting continous light chop, and the controller was juggling all the flights over Florida to find smooth air. At one point the controller gave us a turn, speed, and altitude change. My F/O responded, "F_ _ _-off, moron! We're staying right here!"

I heard him clearly in the headset, but didn't notice he'd pushed the ICS transmit button (vice VHF1).

He almost moved up a number...

 

[421Driver]

That's hilarious...but I dunno, gotta say bullsh-t on that one.:laugh:

Heard it from a reputable source, who knows if it's true.

A better one than that which has been posted before was from a C-130/P-3 guy I used to fly with. He told a story of what they used to do on long atlanti missions in the C130. A ranking officer was on the flight, and in the middle of the mission, the co-pilot walks back to the higher-up, and begins to chat with him. After a few minutes, that captain walks back with a few strings hanging out of his pocket. After chatting with the captain and co-pilot for a while, the officer realizes who he's talking to, and starts to look a little shocked. When the captain notices this, he says, "Nothing to worry about, I've got these strings here." He proceeds to hold them up dramatically and tug a little on the left one, which causes the plane to bank left. A little tug on the right one and the plane banks back right. He hands the strings to the officer, and tells him to try it out.

The officer flys the plane for a while and thanks the crew, who return to the front where they had some strings tied to the Engineer who was a fairly capable enroute pilot and had a good laugh.

 

[C-150ETOPS]

Inflight one evening on my birthday 7+ years ago, I got suckered into checking a noisy door seal on a full B757.

Just as I get in back and stare at the silent door between First and Coach, 190 people start singing "Happy Birthday", followed by about 20 pillows tossed my way.:beer:

 

[V2pls10]

Taking the 727 map light a little further. We'd ask a new F/A to come look through it. Asking her if she could see the planet Venus she would reply no. We'd always laugh and say, "that's funny because the Flight Engineer has a nice view of Uranus.

V2

 

[E-handle]

P-3 Hijinks

Back in my P-3 F/E days we used to have lots of fun when we got a new “nugget” pilot on the crew. On of my favorites was this:

The Setup,

Get the nugget in the copilots seat and the PPC (captain) in the left. (we usually carried 3 pilots)

Have the Navigator ask to close the cockpit curtain because he had “too much glare on his instruments”.

Now the rest of the crew, 9 men in all, with all their flight gear on would slowly bunch up right behind the cockpit curtain. We had to keep the FNG distracted so he would not notice the elevator trim auto-trimming for the nose heavy condition.

Once the auto- trim stopped moving the setup was complete. The captain could tell the nugget it was a good day to get some “hands on” and to click off the autopilot. The nugget would take the wheel and exhibit excellent airmanship for a minute or so until the captain gave the “signal”. The captain would get on the PA and ask someone in the back to bring him a cup of coffee.

Now the rest of the crew would quickly but quietly run to the aft pressure bulk head. (1600 LBS moving approx. 60 feet aft)

Well you can imagine the change in trim! And the look on the new guys face!

The crew would move forward and aft a couple of times and then open the cockpit curtain and say to the nugget- “welcome to the crew!”

 

[Flyerjosh]

On a similar note as the MadDog/1900 story...

I recall hearing a story about an airline/passenger 727 cutting off a cargo 727 one evening. When the freight dogs complained over the radios, the airline 727 captain made some off handed comment like "What does it matter? Boxes don't care if they're late."

Tower made no comment and cleared the passenger flight for takeoff. Right as the plane accelerated through about 80 knots, the freighter captain keyed the mic, and hit the fire test button, transmitting the fire bell over the radio. The airline crew ended up aborting their takeoff... I guess what goes around comes around...

 

[marcusk]

my father used to have an instructor that used to fall asleep during cross countrys so on one of these slepy days dad thought he would have lil fun so he climed slowly and then pointed the little aerobatic airtourer at the ground at this point the instructor wakes up verry quickly thinking hes done for. pitty they dont make instructors like that any more

 

[vtwo]

crash pad humor

we were all sitting around the crash pas playing poker and drinking. Find out one guy still has 2 hours of reserve duty left for the night. but started drinking anyways tells some other gut to page him tommorow for a round of golf. I over hear his pager # and dial it from my cell phone while we are all drinking and sitting at the poker table. I thenpunch in schedulings # and wait.

3 minutes later notice him grab his pager. look at his watch. grab his drink and finnish it. still he still acts like it nothing. then he get up to grab the phone. I hid it though. He asks where the phone is so I ask him why. he say he doesn't feel good and wants to callsin to work sick. I tell him it was a prank call that I did but he won't beleive me un till every one starts to laugh.

Then he's pissed.

At the time work never called you when you were on the long call.


I

 

[canyonblue737]

Have ops agent or another FA hand a new FA a note asking them to page "Anita Mann" in the cabin.

 

[RefugePilot]

Not crew pranks but some to do as an instructor

I heard this from an instructor at a large school.

Say you are doing an intro flight and you are not in need of more students, and can already tell you don't want to fly with this person. Once up in the air trim the elevator all the way up or down. Hold on to the yoke so the plane does not climb or descend. Have the person grab the yoke and show them how to roll the airplane left then right, pitch up then down. You then let them know you are going to let go.

As the plane suddenly dives or pitches up you grab the controls start screaming, trim the airplane to neutral and head back to the airport never letting go of the controls. Tell them they aren't cut out to be a pilot.

I have heard a similar trick done in a Seneca with a professional football player in the right seat. He had a newfound respect for the power of pilots after trying to keep an untrimmed plane in level flight for a while.

 

[hawk16e]

I once told an F/A that La Quinta means "next to Denny's" in
Spanish. She was quite peeved at me the next time we flew together.
Seems she was trying to impress her friends with her mastery of another language...

 

[dhc8fo]

This is mean, but it is one sure way to tell if you have a good FO or not....right in the flare hit the stick shaker (stall warning test button). The good ones know they are on speed and land. That crappy ones freak out and trash the last 5 feet. Pretty funny.

 

[JetDriver2727]

Cockpit switchboard

I once had a *green* flight attendent that kept calling the cockpit to see how much time we had left to go on the flight. Of course this was extremely annoying, and she had already called a dozen other times about the cabin temperature, complaining passengers, screaming kids, smelly lavs, yada yada. So on the last call, the FO picks up and the FA asks for me. He hands me the interphone and I say "Hello?" She addresses me by my first name and proceeds to ask how much longer its going to be. I interrupted her and said, "hang on let me get him..." Then of course I just kept "transferring" her repetedly to the wrong extension by saying, "Hello? Hang on let me switch you over, you have the wrong number." She bought it hook, line, and sinker.... And gave up

 

[FL420]

Say you are doing an intro flight and you are not in need of more students, and can already tell you don't want to fly with this person. Once up in the air trim the elevator all the way up or down. Hold on to the yoke so the plane does not climb or descend. Have the person grab the yoke and show them how to roll the airplane left then right, pitch up then down. You then let them know you are going to let go.

As the plane suddenly dives or pitches up you grab the controls start screaming, trim the airplane to neutral and head back to the airport never letting go of the controls. Tell them they aren't cut out to be a pilot.

Borderline criminal and very unprofessional. Aviation doesn't need another enemy.

 

[MalteseX]

Taking the 727 map light a little further. We'd ask a new F/A to come look through it. Asking her if she could see the planet Venus she would reply no. We'd always laugh and say, "that's funny because the Flight Engineer has a nice view of Uranus.

V2

I heard something similar from my uncle, who retired as a Captain in the late 1960s (may he R.I.P.). He told a similar story about that light on the 727: The pilots would tell FAs "that is the new navigation telescope, we use it to see Uranus."

One night, he said they tried this on a more 'street smart' FA. As soon as they pulled that line on her, he said she turned around, hiked her skirt up, down came the undies and pantyhose and bending over in front of them said, "why don't you use that little LIGHT to get a "better" look!"