LittleDeuce
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Us Airways????
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Flufdriver
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Latest News on U
USAIRWAYS TO INSTALL SICK-SACKS ON SEATBACKS AT UPCOMING SHAREHOLDERS MEETING
Wall Street Journal - USAirways, the struggling Charlotte-based airline, announced today that it will be the first airline to comply with new NTSB and FBI recommendations and install sick-sack bags in the seatbacks of all chairs at this years shareholder meeting. "We aren't going to wait for the other airlines to comply, we want to be the first," said Peter Gazinia, USAirways Chief Financial Officer. "When our annual income sheet is shown to our shareholders, we are expecting a regurgatory reaction, one of Bibical proportions, and we will be ready for it."Vice President of Marketing, Robin Usblind, added this, "I will liken our hareholder's meeting to a Roman Vomitorium, I fully expect to be bathed in
the vomit of nauseous and angry strangers." Shareholder sentiment like this is expected due to a price drop of the stock
(U) from $60 to $2 within the last few years. "I wouldn't say we are scared," said Gazinia, "Our bile-volume analysts are
predicting anywhere from 2.5 to 2.8 metric tons of bile, water, Diet Coke, and partially digested pretzels and snack mix to become propelled and airborne within the first 15 seconds of the introduction of our company's balance sheet, with 1.5 more metric tons expected within the following 15 seconds. So as you can see, we are prepared for it.""No they aren't," counters Lehman Brothers analyst, Harry Ballzack. "While I do agree that they are prepared for the vomit, they are ill prepared for the expected gastrointestinal distress that is expected when they give their
forecast for the company's future. Our numbers-guys here at Lehman Brothers are predicting a total and complete defacatorial breakdown when management explains their plans for growth and expansion. We are downgrading USAirways from a "sell" to a "sell, even for Venezuelan currency." Analysts at Morgan Stanley Dean Witter agree. "Imagine a thousand people
eating a 2 boxes of Bran Cereal each, then washing 6 ExLax tablets down with a gallon of prune juice...if you can do that, then you are imaging what USAirways has on its hands, a diarrhetic castrophe."Hugh Jass, analyst at T Rowe Price Investments, said this in a telephone interview late yesterday, "I am not going to go the meeting. I am actually nervous about the decibel level when the shareholders bowels become unrestrained. That, along with the inevitable plague of the brown snakes, is keeping me away. I think USAirways will be surprised Tuesday, they will not come out of this smelling like roses.
USAIRWAYS TO INSTALL SICK-SACKS ON SEATBACKS AT UPCOMING SHAREHOLDERS MEETING
Wall Street Journal - USAirways, the struggling Charlotte-based airline, announced today that it will be the first airline to comply with new NTSB and FBI recommendations and install sick-sack bags in the seatbacks of all chairs at this years shareholder meeting. "We aren't going to wait for the other airlines to comply, we want to be the first," said Peter Gazinia, USAirways Chief Financial Officer. "When our annual income sheet is shown to our shareholders, we are expecting a regurgatory reaction, one of Bibical proportions, and we will be ready for it."Vice President of Marketing, Robin Usblind, added this, "I will liken our hareholder's meeting to a Roman Vomitorium, I fully expect to be bathed in
the vomit of nauseous and angry strangers." Shareholder sentiment like this is expected due to a price drop of the stock
(U) from $60 to $2 within the last few years. "I wouldn't say we are scared," said Gazinia, "Our bile-volume analysts are
predicting anywhere from 2.5 to 2.8 metric tons of bile, water, Diet Coke, and partially digested pretzels and snack mix to become propelled and airborne within the first 15 seconds of the introduction of our company's balance sheet, with 1.5 more metric tons expected within the following 15 seconds. So as you can see, we are prepared for it.""No they aren't," counters Lehman Brothers analyst, Harry Ballzack. "While I do agree that they are prepared for the vomit, they are ill prepared for the expected gastrointestinal distress that is expected when they give their
forecast for the company's future. Our numbers-guys here at Lehman Brothers are predicting a total and complete defacatorial breakdown when management explains their plans for growth and expansion. We are downgrading USAirways from a "sell" to a "sell, even for Venezuelan currency." Analysts at Morgan Stanley Dean Witter agree. "Imagine a thousand people
eating a 2 boxes of Bran Cereal each, then washing 6 ExLax tablets down with a gallon of prune juice...if you can do that, then you are imaging what USAirways has on its hands, a diarrhetic castrophe."Hugh Jass, analyst at T Rowe Price Investments, said this in a telephone interview late yesterday, "I am not going to go the meeting. I am actually nervous about the decibel level when the shareholders bowels become unrestrained. That, along with the inevitable plague of the brown snakes, is keeping me away. I think USAirways will be surprised Tuesday, they will not come out of this smelling like roses.
I for one am saddened that anyone associated with SWA would take pleasure in another carrier's woes.
This person does not represent the pilots I have served with out of BWI.
Yes, we (SWA) are doing well; but to boast and assume a position of arrogance is truly unprofessional.
I hope the heartless jackass that posted that garbage will be denied a jumpseat during the holidays ... when he/she really needs it.
To my fellow USAirways bretheren ... best wishes for a timely and lasting recovery.
This person does not represent the pilots I have served with out of BWI.
Yes, we (SWA) are doing well; but to boast and assume a position of arrogance is truly unprofessional.
I hope the heartless jackass that posted that garbage will be denied a jumpseat during the holidays ... when he/she really needs it.
To my fellow USAirways bretheren ... best wishes for a timely and lasting recovery.
Pooh Marks
Member
- Joined
- May 19, 2002
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- 7
Flufdriver
Active member
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2001
- Posts
- 26
Rebuttle on Satire
Please understand all, that I am not the author of these posts, just the messenger. For those who aren't sure what country they were raised in, satire in the face of adversity is a time honored American tradition.
BTW I spent 12 years in the USAIR family as one of the many bastard children. Due the greed of the mainline bretheren who not only eat thier own to protect themselves at the cost of the whole airline, but many innocent others who have spent years in earnest negotations to achieve mutually beneficial alliance.
The author also will also join the ranks of the many casualties created by "The Carrier of Choice."
So please enjoy this fine satire and know that many are enjoying a great laugh, furloughs included.
Reprinted with permission.
"SAMJACK angered over posts on Flightinfo.com
Samjack, a junior member of Flightinfo.com, was angered last week after reading posts concerning recent USAirways developments on the website. "Making fun of furloughed pilots is an abomination," said Samjack.What Samjack fails to realize is that allowing only 70 RJs on the East Coast, while competitors increase their RJ fleet to hundreds upon hundreds,
subsequently putting USAirways in financial jeopardy and causing these furloughs, is the real abomination. "If you saw one of your family members out on the street would you post something like that?" wrote an irate Samjack. The real question should be
this: Would you allow your furloughed "big brothers" to fly the same RJ that you held from your wholly-owned airlines for so many years and now watch your other "little brothers" get put out on the street while they retire these aging Dash 8's? Is it fair that Allegheny, Piedmont, and PSA brothers are expecting furloughs of up to 40% of their pilot group because, and through no fault of their own, they do not have the aircraft to compete? And now, their jobs will be replaced by pilots not even on the same seniority list? Does that not sound similar to scabs crossing the picket line?" Another point that Samjack fails to realize is that this is being passed around USAirways and most of them find it amusing. In a recent interview with Flufdriver, he said this, "In no way was this meant to be harmful. Do you really think I enjoy commuting 2,000 miles to work every week after spending 13+ years within 30 minutes driving distance to my base? Do you really think I wanted to leave? Ask me 1 year ago where I wanted to retire from and I would have said USAirways. Again, this was my company and I am very sad for them. I am only posting what's been hanging up in the USAirways crew rooms anyway. Believe me, I wish USAirways all the luck in the world and in no way am I gloating, far from it. I apologize to
anyone who interpreted it that way."Samjack, who also doesn't get sarcasm and parody, is the only one in the USAirways system who is type rated in the "all piston 757 and 767" aircraft
(check his profile)"
Please understand all, that I am not the author of these posts, just the messenger. For those who aren't sure what country they were raised in, satire in the face of adversity is a time honored American tradition.
BTW I spent 12 years in the USAIR family as one of the many bastard children. Due the greed of the mainline bretheren who not only eat thier own to protect themselves at the cost of the whole airline, but many innocent others who have spent years in earnest negotations to achieve mutually beneficial alliance.
The author also will also join the ranks of the many casualties created by "The Carrier of Choice."
So please enjoy this fine satire and know that many are enjoying a great laugh, furloughs included.
Reprinted with permission.
"SAMJACK angered over posts on Flightinfo.com
Samjack, a junior member of Flightinfo.com, was angered last week after reading posts concerning recent USAirways developments on the website. "Making fun of furloughed pilots is an abomination," said Samjack.What Samjack fails to realize is that allowing only 70 RJs on the East Coast, while competitors increase their RJ fleet to hundreds upon hundreds,
subsequently putting USAirways in financial jeopardy and causing these furloughs, is the real abomination. "If you saw one of your family members out on the street would you post something like that?" wrote an irate Samjack. The real question should be
this: Would you allow your furloughed "big brothers" to fly the same RJ that you held from your wholly-owned airlines for so many years and now watch your other "little brothers" get put out on the street while they retire these aging Dash 8's? Is it fair that Allegheny, Piedmont, and PSA brothers are expecting furloughs of up to 40% of their pilot group because, and through no fault of their own, they do not have the aircraft to compete? And now, their jobs will be replaced by pilots not even on the same seniority list? Does that not sound similar to scabs crossing the picket line?" Another point that Samjack fails to realize is that this is being passed around USAirways and most of them find it amusing. In a recent interview with Flufdriver, he said this, "In no way was this meant to be harmful. Do you really think I enjoy commuting 2,000 miles to work every week after spending 13+ years within 30 minutes driving distance to my base? Do you really think I wanted to leave? Ask me 1 year ago where I wanted to retire from and I would have said USAirways. Again, this was my company and I am very sad for them. I am only posting what's been hanging up in the USAirways crew rooms anyway. Believe me, I wish USAirways all the luck in the world and in no way am I gloating, far from it. I apologize to
anyone who interpreted it that way."Samjack, who also doesn't get sarcasm and parody, is the only one in the USAirways system who is type rated in the "all piston 757 and 767" aircraft
(check his profile)"
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