LittleDeuce
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Flufdriver
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Latest News on U
USAIRWAYS TO INSTALL SICK-SACKS ON SEATBACKS AT UPCOMING SHAREHOLDERS MEETING
Wall Street Journal - USAirways, the struggling Charlotte-based airline, announced today that it will be the first airline to comply with new NTSB and FBI recommendations and install sick-sack bags in the seatbacks of all chairs at this years shareholder meeting. "We aren't going to wait for the other airlines to comply, we want to be the first," said Peter Gazinia, USAirways Chief Financial Officer. "When our annual income sheet is shown to our shareholders, we are expecting a regurgatory reaction, one of Bibical proportions, and we will be ready for it."Vice President of Marketing, Robin Usblind, added this, "I will liken our hareholder's meeting to a Roman Vomitorium, I fully expect to be bathed in
the vomit of nauseous and angry strangers." Shareholder sentiment like this is expected due to a price drop of the stock
(U) from $60 to $2 within the last few years. "I wouldn't say we are scared," said Gazinia, "Our bile-volume analysts are
predicting anywhere from 2.5 to 2.8 metric tons of bile, water, Diet Coke, and partially digested pretzels and snack mix to become propelled and airborne within the first 15 seconds of the introduction of our company's balance sheet, with 1.5 more metric tons expected within the following 15 seconds. So as you can see, we are prepared for it.""No they aren't," counters Lehman Brothers analyst, Harry Ballzack. "While I do agree that they are prepared for the vomit, they are ill prepared for the expected gastrointestinal distress that is expected when they give their
forecast for the company's future. Our numbers-guys here at Lehman Brothers are predicting a total and complete defacatorial breakdown when management explains their plans for growth and expansion. We are downgrading USAirways from a "sell" to a "sell, even for Venezuelan currency." Analysts at Morgan Stanley Dean Witter agree. "Imagine a thousand people
eating a 2 boxes of Bran Cereal each, then washing 6 ExLax tablets down with a gallon of prune juice...if you can do that, then you are imaging what USAirways has on its hands, a diarrhetic castrophe."Hugh Jass, analyst at T Rowe Price Investments, said this in a telephone interview late yesterday, "I am not going to go the meeting. I am actually nervous about the decibel level when the shareholders bowels become unrestrained. That, along with the inevitable plague of the brown snakes, is keeping me away. I think USAirways will be surprised Tuesday, they will not come out of this smelling like roses.
USAIRWAYS TO INSTALL SICK-SACKS ON SEATBACKS AT UPCOMING SHAREHOLDERS MEETING
Wall Street Journal - USAirways, the struggling Charlotte-based airline, announced today that it will be the first airline to comply with new NTSB and FBI recommendations and install sick-sack bags in the seatbacks of all chairs at this years shareholder meeting. "We aren't going to wait for the other airlines to comply, we want to be the first," said Peter Gazinia, USAirways Chief Financial Officer. "When our annual income sheet is shown to our shareholders, we are expecting a regurgatory reaction, one of Bibical proportions, and we will be ready for it."Vice President of Marketing, Robin Usblind, added this, "I will liken our hareholder's meeting to a Roman Vomitorium, I fully expect to be bathed in
the vomit of nauseous and angry strangers." Shareholder sentiment like this is expected due to a price drop of the stock
(U) from $60 to $2 within the last few years. "I wouldn't say we are scared," said Gazinia, "Our bile-volume analysts are
predicting anywhere from 2.5 to 2.8 metric tons of bile, water, Diet Coke, and partially digested pretzels and snack mix to become propelled and airborne within the first 15 seconds of the introduction of our company's balance sheet, with 1.5 more metric tons expected within the following 15 seconds. So as you can see, we are prepared for it.""No they aren't," counters Lehman Brothers analyst, Harry Ballzack. "While I do agree that they are prepared for the vomit, they are ill prepared for the expected gastrointestinal distress that is expected when they give their
forecast for the company's future. Our numbers-guys here at Lehman Brothers are predicting a total and complete defacatorial breakdown when management explains their plans for growth and expansion. We are downgrading USAirways from a "sell" to a "sell, even for Venezuelan currency." Analysts at Morgan Stanley Dean Witter agree. "Imagine a thousand people
eating a 2 boxes of Bran Cereal each, then washing 6 ExLax tablets down with a gallon of prune juice...if you can do that, then you are imaging what USAirways has on its hands, a diarrhetic castrophe."Hugh Jass, analyst at T Rowe Price Investments, said this in a telephone interview late yesterday, "I am not going to go the meeting. I am actually nervous about the decibel level when the shareholders bowels become unrestrained. That, along with the inevitable plague of the brown snakes, is keeping me away. I think USAirways will be surprised Tuesday, they will not come out of this smelling like roses.
I for one am saddened that anyone associated with SWA would take pleasure in another carrier's woes.
This person does not represent the pilots I have served with out of BWI.
Yes, we (SWA) are doing well; but to boast and assume a position of arrogance is truly unprofessional.
I hope the heartless jackass that posted that garbage will be denied a jumpseat during the holidays ... when he/she really needs it.
To my fellow USAirways bretheren ... best wishes for a timely and lasting recovery.
This person does not represent the pilots I have served with out of BWI.
Yes, we (SWA) are doing well; but to boast and assume a position of arrogance is truly unprofessional.
I hope the heartless jackass that posted that garbage will be denied a jumpseat during the holidays ... when he/she really needs it.
To my fellow USAirways bretheren ... best wishes for a timely and lasting recovery.
Pooh Marks
Member
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- May 19, 2002
- Posts
- 7
Flufdriver
Active member
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2001
- Posts
- 26
Rebuttle on Satire
Please understand all, that I am not the author of these posts, just the messenger. For those who aren't sure what country they were raised in, satire in the face of adversity is a time honored American tradition.
BTW I spent 12 years in the USAIR family as one of the many bastard children. Due the greed of the mainline bretheren who not only eat thier own to protect themselves at the cost of the whole airline, but many innocent others who have spent years in earnest negotations to achieve mutually beneficial alliance.
The author also will also join the ranks of the many casualties created by "The Carrier of Choice."
So please enjoy this fine satire and know that many are enjoying a great laugh, furloughs included.
Reprinted with permission.
"SAMJACK angered over posts on Flightinfo.com
Samjack, a junior member of Flightinfo.com, was angered last week after reading posts concerning recent USAirways developments on the website. "Making fun of furloughed pilots is an abomination," said Samjack.What Samjack fails to realize is that allowing only 70 RJs on the East Coast, while competitors increase their RJ fleet to hundreds upon hundreds,
subsequently putting USAirways in financial jeopardy and causing these furloughs, is the real abomination. "If you saw one of your family members out on the street would you post something like that?" wrote an irate Samjack. The real question should be
this: Would you allow your furloughed "big brothers" to fly the same RJ that you held from your wholly-owned airlines for so many years and now watch your other "little brothers" get put out on the street while they retire these aging Dash 8's? Is it fair that Allegheny, Piedmont, and PSA brothers are expecting furloughs of up to 40% of their pilot group because, and through no fault of their own, they do not have the aircraft to compete? And now, their jobs will be replaced by pilots not even on the same seniority list? Does that not sound similar to scabs crossing the picket line?" Another point that Samjack fails to realize is that this is being passed around USAirways and most of them find it amusing. In a recent interview with Flufdriver, he said this, "In no way was this meant to be harmful. Do you really think I enjoy commuting 2,000 miles to work every week after spending 13+ years within 30 minutes driving distance to my base? Do you really think I wanted to leave? Ask me 1 year ago where I wanted to retire from and I would have said USAirways. Again, this was my company and I am very sad for them. I am only posting what's been hanging up in the USAirways crew rooms anyway. Believe me, I wish USAirways all the luck in the world and in no way am I gloating, far from it. I apologize to
anyone who interpreted it that way."Samjack, who also doesn't get sarcasm and parody, is the only one in the USAirways system who is type rated in the "all piston 757 and 767" aircraft
(check his profile)"
Please understand all, that I am not the author of these posts, just the messenger. For those who aren't sure what country they were raised in, satire in the face of adversity is a time honored American tradition.
BTW I spent 12 years in the USAIR family as one of the many bastard children. Due the greed of the mainline bretheren who not only eat thier own to protect themselves at the cost of the whole airline, but many innocent others who have spent years in earnest negotations to achieve mutually beneficial alliance.
The author also will also join the ranks of the many casualties created by "The Carrier of Choice."
So please enjoy this fine satire and know that many are enjoying a great laugh, furloughs included.
Reprinted with permission.
"SAMJACK angered over posts on Flightinfo.com
Samjack, a junior member of Flightinfo.com, was angered last week after reading posts concerning recent USAirways developments on the website. "Making fun of furloughed pilots is an abomination," said Samjack.What Samjack fails to realize is that allowing only 70 RJs on the East Coast, while competitors increase their RJ fleet to hundreds upon hundreds,
subsequently putting USAirways in financial jeopardy and causing these furloughs, is the real abomination. "If you saw one of your family members out on the street would you post something like that?" wrote an irate Samjack. The real question should be
this: Would you allow your furloughed "big brothers" to fly the same RJ that you held from your wholly-owned airlines for so many years and now watch your other "little brothers" get put out on the street while they retire these aging Dash 8's? Is it fair that Allegheny, Piedmont, and PSA brothers are expecting furloughs of up to 40% of their pilot group because, and through no fault of their own, they do not have the aircraft to compete? And now, their jobs will be replaced by pilots not even on the same seniority list? Does that not sound similar to scabs crossing the picket line?" Another point that Samjack fails to realize is that this is being passed around USAirways and most of them find it amusing. In a recent interview with Flufdriver, he said this, "In no way was this meant to be harmful. Do you really think I enjoy commuting 2,000 miles to work every week after spending 13+ years within 30 minutes driving distance to my base? Do you really think I wanted to leave? Ask me 1 year ago where I wanted to retire from and I would have said USAirways. Again, this was my company and I am very sad for them. I am only posting what's been hanging up in the USAirways crew rooms anyway. Believe me, I wish USAirways all the luck in the world and in no way am I gloating, far from it. I apologize to
anyone who interpreted it that way."Samjack, who also doesn't get sarcasm and parody, is the only one in the USAirways system who is type rated in the "all piston 757 and 767" aircraft
(check his profile)"
KC-10 Driver
Well-known member
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2002
- Posts
- 503
Fluf-
I should clarify:
In my above post where I asked why some people take pleasure in the misfortune of others, I was NOT referring to your satirical articles. Rather, I was responding to Eaglefly's malicious comments.
As a furloughee, I do find your postings funny.
I apologize if you thought I was criticizing you. On the contrary, a good sense of humor goes a long way.
I should clarify:
In my above post where I asked why some people take pleasure in the misfortune of others, I was NOT referring to your satirical articles. Rather, I was responding to Eaglefly's malicious comments.
As a furloughee, I do find your postings funny.
I apologize if you thought I was criticizing you. On the contrary, a good sense of humor goes a long way.
Fluf, its great that you can be so boastful and full of yourself. I told myself that I would not be that A..hole pilot when I first started flying, and I want to thank you for showing me what NOT to be. As for calling us brothers, you don't have that right. You lost it when you decided that you were better then everyone else. If you were so confident with yourself, what makes you feel that you need to apologize? "Ask me 1 year ago where I wanted to retire from and I would have said USAirways." says fluf, well in a recent interview with him he was overheard calling US Airways the airline that will not make it. Great to here you blow sun shine up our ...... Thank god you are not there anymore, you my son, are what we call in the airline industry a SCAB.
Yo......Yo quit it
Listen Fluf didn't post that stuff to put anyone down. I know the guy, have flown with him, he's been crapped on more times than all of you put together while at ALG and has no intention of putting ant pilot group down. And like I said before at least one of the US Airways posts was written by either a mainline or wholly owned pilot and circulated around our email loop - and may I say nobody flipped out on the poster there.
Myself, I laughed then laughed some more when I realized almost how true it is - O god help us.
Listen Fluf didn't post that stuff to put anyone down. I know the guy, have flown with him, he's been crapped on more times than all of you put together while at ALG and has no intention of putting ant pilot group down. And like I said before at least one of the US Airways posts was written by either a mainline or wholly owned pilot and circulated around our email loop - and may I say nobody flipped out on the poster there.
Myself, I laughed then laughed some more when I realized almost how true it is - O god help us.
Pooh Marks
Member
- Joined
- May 19, 2002
- Posts
- 7
To Samjack
Samjack, it looks like fluf went from a commuter to SWA, does this make him a scab? If so, then are all civilians pilots scabs b/c they left a commuter for a major?
If its the fact that he left for another airline, that point is worthless. As an employee for ALG, USAirways RARELY hires from within there own wholly-owneds.
Samjack, it looks like fluf went from a commuter to SWA, does this make him a scab? If so, then are all civilians pilots scabs b/c they left a commuter for a major?
If its the fact that he left for another airline, that point is worthless. As an employee for ALG, USAirways RARELY hires from within there own wholly-owneds.
Vrefus
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2002
- Posts
- 89
As an employee for ALG, USAirways RARELY hires from within there own wholly-owneds.
This statement is so true. USAir would rather hire an outside company to screen their pilot candidates rather than take the word of someone who knows best how to hire pilots, pilots.
All Stephen Wolf wanted to do wsa show the world the USAir could be politically correct and allow him to win awards from various groups.
This statement is so true. USAir would rather hire an outside company to screen their pilot candidates rather than take the word of someone who knows best how to hire pilots, pilots.
All Stephen Wolf wanted to do wsa show the world the USAir could be politically correct and allow him to win awards from various groups.
FR8mastr
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2002
- Posts
- 803
that's true, back in the day when US was hireing the number of wholly owned pilots taken on at US was in the neighborhood of 35 or so while a MESA guy told me they lost about 500 to mainline. All this after mailine was telling the WO's that their would be a flowthru prior to any new hires. Now these same EX MESA guys are trying to put us on the street with the help of the mailine MEC. One thing for sure we at the WO know what it's like to be nailed from every side.
Vrefus
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2002
- Posts
- 89
I used to work for USAir and I had a few pilot friends of mine that I had flown with in the past, walk resumes and an application in for me. I had the ear of the chief pilot's secretary, yet I couldn't even get an interview. I had all my ratings with jet time, FEX written, all that stuff, and couldn't even get in the door. The regional director of flying who went on to become VP of Flight Operations and is now in the process of retiring told one of my friends, that he couldn't do anything about it. It was in the hands of an outside HR department that screened all the candidates. They had to make sure all the "quotas" were filled. With their "quotas" being filled they were forced in training to give some of their new hires 3 or 4 check rides to get through plus around 100 hours of IOE. If that's me, I blow one check ride, I'm back on the street. Beautiful world we're in, isn't it?
Flufdriver
Active member
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2001
- Posts
- 26
SAMJACK OFF
It should be clear now to all on this forum that Samjack is a bonified member of the infamous 10% you hear about in all the crewrooms. A truely sad case indeed. HE/SHE has a deep seeded inferiority complex with delusions of competence. He has it all figured out at 4000 hours. He looks in the mirror each morning and knows with confidence who will be the A@#$H@# in the cockpit each day. I'm sure if captain's could avoidance bid this plebe they would at all costs. I know what it is like spending an excruciating month with a boil on the but of aviation like this miscreant in the right seat. My sympathy's out to the unfortunate folks who have to endure one min. in the cockpit with SAMJACKOFF.
I hope this is the response you were looking for. I wouldn't want to short change any of my fans out there. Who knows your probably a pimple faced Kmart stockboy loitering on this board like some other pilot wannabes.
It should be clear now to all on this forum that Samjack is a bonified member of the infamous 10% you hear about in all the crewrooms. A truely sad case indeed. HE/SHE has a deep seeded inferiority complex with delusions of competence. He has it all figured out at 4000 hours. He looks in the mirror each morning and knows with confidence who will be the A@#$H@# in the cockpit each day. I'm sure if captain's could avoidance bid this plebe they would at all costs. I know what it is like spending an excruciating month with a boil on the but of aviation like this miscreant in the right seat. My sympathy's out to the unfortunate folks who have to endure one min. in the cockpit with SAMJACKOFF.
I hope this is the response you were looking for. I wouldn't want to short change any of my fans out there. Who knows your probably a pimple faced Kmart stockboy loitering on this board like some other pilot wannabes.
Pooh Marks
Member
- Joined
- May 19, 2002
- Posts
- 7
Knowing several pimple-faced Kmart stockboys loitering in this forum, I personally take offense to that last comment. Alot of those "dermacologically-challenged, inventory engineers" would never post such slanderous comments aimed at fellow "product rotationalists" that work at WalMart or Target or even Dollar Stores.
Samjack, you are doing great harm to all who grace the warehouses of KMarts everywhere. Please exit this forum and get back to aisle 7 and start restocking.
Your posts are so delusional that they are probable cause for drug-testing.
Samjack, you are doing great harm to all who grace the warehouses of KMarts everywhere. Please exit this forum and get back to aisle 7 and start restocking.
Your posts are so delusional that they are probable cause for drug-testing.
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