Tubroprop and other Prop Flyers

[KingAirer]

Prop Flyers...
I thought it might be interesting to hear some more stories like the ones chperpilot had on another thread...concerning b1900.

Every day I hear comments like...

"You've got to be fu@king kidding me"
"This piece of Sh!t belongs in a museum"
"Oh my god"

And the list goes on...

I have had an occasion were i was flying a Baron one day. The passenger we were taking was all chipper and happy walking at a fast clip, Opened the door to the ramp to get in the plane and she comes to a dead stop and her face loses her happy chipper look and refuses to go.

What are some other funny stories about pax complaints or little old ladies who refuse to fly.

Happy holidays

 

[BRA]

I got the "don't forget to twist the rubber band" comment from some guy in boston last week.

"inflight movie?" get that take about once every 8 days.

"drink cart?" that one about every 7 days.

"Where is the lavatory?" - once every 2 weeks.

 

[avbug]

Does it come with seat covers?

Do I need a tetanus shot before getting in?

Where are the parachutes?

Are you old enough to drive? (I used to get that one a lot...even had a few folks ask to see a driver's license)

Where do you flush it?

Where are the guns? (kids seem to ask this a lot)

You've done this before, right? (no)

I'm afraid of heights! (It's okay, so am I)

Or a favorite, eons ago, preparing to fly out of whitmore canyon inside the Grand Canyon, in a Cessna 207. I was picking up a group of gay men, who chartered a trip down the canyon every year. One of them sidled up to me with the lisp thing going, in a purple silk shirt, and put his arm on my shoulder. "Is this thing thsafe?" (I say to each his own, but that guy gave me the willies).

No, it's not. You and I are probably going to die in this airplane. Get in. Let's get going...

 

[ClassG]

In the Beech 1900:
The best reply to the old lady (or arrogant businessman) who asks if you're old enough to fly this thing, got a lot of hours, had enough sleep, etc:

Say this loud enough for all 19 pax to hear it:

No ma'am, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night!




If you're the captain and as you hand the paperwork out the window to your ramper (again, loud enough for them to hear it in row 9):
Alright now, don't rush me, I still need to figure out what all these switches do!

Of course, a professional like myself would never do these things, but it sure is funny when someone else does. Besides, somehow it lightens up the anxiety among the pax.


God I miss flying that ugly little Beotch. A face only a mother could love.

 

[Brother Francis]

Jetstream. Female FO boards the pax, closes the door, takes her station and off they go.

A week later the chief pilot got a nastygram from one of the pax: upset because the flight attendant did not serve drinks and peanuts. In fact, she completely ignored the pax and sat up front talking to the pilot the whole trip.

True story

 

[Smoking Man]

As I was getting the paperwork, I had a lady ask me “is that little plane (Dornier) the one taking me to XYZ”? I responded “You wouldn’t think that it was little if it rolled over your foot, and yes it is going to XYZ”!


The look on her face,.......... Priceless

 

[dashtrash]

They walk around the corner, see the Dash 8, stop, look at their ticket, look back up at the boarding sign, look back at the Dash 8, put their head down, shake it side to side, and get on. Or if they are from Japan out of YVR, they pull out a camera.

 

[mar]

Then there was the CoEx jumpseater

If this story sounds familiar to you, I apologize. I enjoyed chatting with you but it was kind of funny.

I'm standing with the FO outside of a Metroliner in Anchorage. We're headed for King Salmon. We have a 1900 capt for CoEx going with us. He wants to check out our bush operation and maybe camp out--just for fun. He's got a backpack and done some research.

While we're boarding he's outside with us asking questions about gravel runways, ice and crosswinds.

"Yup. Lotsa gravel out there. More gravel than pavement," I tell him.

"Yeah, but you don't land on gravel with the Metro. Do you?"

"Oh sure, all the time, just look at the paint job," pointing at the belly behind the nosewheel--it looks like we took shotgun fire.

Another priceless look.

 

[ShawnC]

I walked though the charter operation part of a local (to my home) FBO with a Nomex suit, helmet, and a parachute, mumbling "Time to take that widow making b*tch out..."

The desk crew was in tears, pax in line asking, "Is that our pilot?!?"

Best stunt yet. I no longer fly to that FBO anymore, he sent copies of all the nastygrams that he got to me. I don't think he's very happy with me.

 

[Burt Gutherie]

That is too funny....

 

[AZaviator]

A few years ago when I was a Dispatcher at Mesa Airlines, we had to downgrade some CRJ flights to Beech 1900s, due to maintenance reasons. I was personally in charge of deciding which flights to cancel the next day, and which flights to downgrade to a Beech 1900. One particular flight, I downgraded was flight from Phoenix to Santa Barbara.

The very next day, I was jumpseating out of town, and was riding the airport shuttle from the parking lot to the airport and sat next to this businesswoman. She asked me where I was flying to, and I told her, then I asked her the same. She said to me, "I'm flying to Santa Barbara, and America West had the nerve to call me last night at 10pm, to tell me my flight was now going to be in a little dinkey 19 seater propellar aircraft!" Then she went on to say, "I wonder who the $#$$%@#$!! was that made that decision!?

I pretty much just kept my mouth shut and laughed hysterically to myself!

 

[mckpickle]

Being a young looking guy in my earlier years passengers would sometimes stumble and ask if I was old enough to fly. I'd just look them in the eye and say, "well not yet, I just have my learners permit"!

Or NAH its bring your kid to work day and my dads up there.

 

[SPBRIAN]

Being a very young looking guy flying skydivers I always hear the classic "are you old enough to fly?"

At which point my typical reply is "they wouldn't give me a drivers license so I went to the next best thing."

Don't forget the classic, Do you actually have your pilots license?which gets a quick "I'm close, my instructor says I need 3 more hours before I can solo."

The classic jump plane question (182's) my it has lots of duct tape, is it safe?
Of course, there's lots of bailing wire underneath the tape, it's purely structural.

Finally...
Why are you wearing a parachute?
What you don't think i'd get into this rickety piece of $(*^%^() without one do ya, I mean just look at all of that structural tape on it.

Oh.. and for those tandem passengers who you want to have fun with in the 182's (caravan can't chat with pax)... (while taxiing onto the runway) "doesn't it bother you that everybody on this airplane except for you has a parachute on??"

 

[ACWild]

Something that passengers should stop saying is "Can I get first class?" (in a 1900). That should die with the "metal plate in the head" comment at security.
People asked if I was old enough to fly when I was a Saab captain. I would tell them "no, that's why I can't fly solo yet." They usually walked away thinking I was serious.
One lady out of CVG walked to the gate, saw an ATR, and went hysterical. We asked her what's wrong and she replied, "My secretary told me it was going to be a jet. She is so fired." We tried to explain to her about turboprops and how the ATR is somewhat comfortable. She basically told us to shut up and then fired her secretary on her cell phone.

 

[ifly4food]

As many of you ATL-ites know, we at ASA still fly a few of what we affectionately call the "Burger King Brasilias". This is due to the fading, chipped, circa 1985 orange and yellow on aluminum paint job.
It's funny how if you get one in the "new" Delta paint you get less comments. It's kind of like when you're in the concourse and a 1968 vintage B727 rolls up in the "new" paint scheme. It never fails to hear someone remark how "we're getting a new plane today!".

Anyhow, we occasionally get a "Burger King" to take to a destination like Lexington, KY or somewhere else where mainline goes. We get some beauties from passengers who thought they were getting on a Maddog:
"Is this thing safe"?
"I thought I was on Delta".
"Oh great, I'm on 'Dogpatch' airlines".
"I'm gonna fire my travel agent".
"I hope you serve alcohol on this plane".

Then you see them taking pictures of the plane. You know they're going to tell their friends "Can you believe I rode on this piece of crap and lived?!!".

 

[avbug]

On the jumper thing: this summer I was based quite a bit at a field that wasn't very far from an active drop zone. I started doing some work at night in exchange for some jumps. However, I couldn't jump during the day, because we were required to sit under the wing, or be close by, ready to go. I got permission to hang out by the DZ nearby, instead of sitting under the wing in the heat.

I determined that I could get in some hop n' pop jumps and be back on the ground very quickly if we did get dispatched, so I arranged to be first-out on some of their flights. The idea was that the airplane (a caravan) would take off, make a right turn onto the downwind, and then cross midfield crosswind and kick me out.

These flights usually had several tandem jumpers on board, with photographers. One was creative, and always tried to come up with something to make the video memorable for the tandem rider. On one of these flights, he got up in my face and started screaming, and pushing me. He had someone else holding his helmet with the camera. The students on board had no idea what to think when he started yelling he was sick of looking at my face, and to just get off the **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** airplane right now.

He opened the door, and we began struggling. He shoved me at the door, then gave me a kick, and out I went. By this time, the students eye's were as wide as saucers. He closed the door and then turned to glare at them.

"Now, who else isn't going to tip me today??"

As I recall, he did pretty well on tips. We did that a few more times...it seemed to go over pretty well with the passengers once they realized I probably survived.

 

[Freight Dog]

ROFLMAO avbug

 

[DCitrus9]

My favorite response to a passenger's smart a$$ comments was made by a 1900 captain at some podunk essential air service city.

The passenger, upset at the size of the 1900, quipped "when are you going to stop flying these sh!tty little planes into our town?"
The CA response: " When you stop having a sh!tty little town!"

 

[velvetjo]

Avbug & SPBrian,

Any tips on how to get into flying jumpers? I'm just finishing my private, probably moving on to instrument training soon at a local FBO. Guess I'd have to get a commercial ticket as well.

I jump (C license) pretty regularly, and wouldn't mind if the two hobbies intersected at some point. Not looking for much in the way of income, just a fun way to be able to fly more. One of my primary motivations for getting licensed was to be able to fly to the DZ instead of drive.

Anyhow, if there are things you'd recommend or discourage along the way, I'd appreciate any help. Thanks,

Lance

 

[filejw]

Why does somebody always muckup the thread.