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ibaflyer
Gotta Blast!
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2001
- Posts
- 144
Ok here is some more......
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
Yet another....
Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor.
"Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?"
"Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly.
"Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?"
"Yep."
"Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped.
"Nope. They's all kilt straight out." The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. "I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning."
"The President of the United States is dead?" The agent gulped in disbelief.
"Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is."
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
Yet another....
Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor.
"Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?"
"Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly.
"Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?"
"Yep."
"Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped.
"Nope. They's all kilt straight out." The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. "I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning."
"The President of the United States is dead?" The agent gulped in disbelief.
"Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is."
bigD
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2002
- Posts
- 2,020
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room really got quiet.
Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room really got quiet.
Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
bigD
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2002
- Posts
- 2,020
Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. "Im sorry, I always get emotional at this hole - it holds very difficult memories for me."
One of his buddies asked, "What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?"
Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, "This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack; right at this very hole."
"Oh my God", the other golfers said. "That must have been horrible!"
"Horrible?! You think it`s horrible?" Bob continued still very distressed. "It was worse than that! Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice..."
One of his buddies asked, "What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?"
Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, "This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack; right at this very hole."
"Oh my God", the other golfers said. "That must have been horrible!"
"Horrible?! You think it`s horrible?" Bob continued still very distressed. "It was worse than that! Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice..."
Flylo
Bearhawk Builder
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2003
- Posts
- 121
Any of you young whipper-snappers ever try "Rodeo Sex"?
No? Never heard of it?
OK, here's how you do it.
1. Assume the "doggy" position.
2. Hug your true love real tight, I mean tight.
3. Whisper ever so sweetly in her ear, " Oh, ____________ (name of previous girlfriend or wife).
4. Hang on!! You are now engaged in "RODEO SEX"
No? Never heard of it?
OK, here's how you do it.
1. Assume the "doggy" position.
2. Hug your true love real tight, I mean tight.
3. Whisper ever so sweetly in her ear, " Oh, ____________ (name of previous girlfriend or wife).
4. Hang on!! You are now engaged in "RODEO SEX"
crash-proof
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2002
- Posts
- 782
So Oprah Winfrey's chaffeur (sic) is drivin her thru the countryside at nite, when he runs over a cow in the middle of the road. Angry, oprah orders him to go to the cow's owner to appologize.
So a couple minutes later he returns, big smile on his face and a bottle of champaigne in the hand.
Puzzled, she inquires what the he!! happened.
"Well, the man made me dinner, his wife gave me a bottle of their finest champaigne, and their daughter took me upstairs for a blowj0b!!!. And all I said to them was:
'I'm Oprah's chafeur, and I just killed the cow!"
So a couple minutes later he returns, big smile on his face and a bottle of champaigne in the hand.
Puzzled, she inquires what the he!! happened.
"Well, the man made me dinner, his wife gave me a bottle of their finest champaigne, and their daughter took me upstairs for a blowj0b!!!. And all I said to them was:
'I'm Oprah's chafeur, and I just killed the cow!"
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2003
- Posts
- 1,178
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