Okay, hear is the big announcement...
I just got off of the phone with my friends in Manassas, and here is the skinny...
1. The company is indeed getting new airplanes... The aircraft of choice is the Cessna Caravan. With only half of the systems of the more complex twin Beech, their less expensive and their MEL items takes less time and paper to print. That, in turn, ensures an ontime departure, which we believe will attract mainline back again. PFT will remain intact, however, and has increased to $39,000 for new F/Os. That price includes a certificate of completion and a "type rating" endorsed by that "Video Professor" guy.
2. The company will no longer hire guys with Australian accents.
3. The company will only seek out F/O candidates from the Hollywood Stuntman's Guild, as these individuals cope with risk and loss of limb seemingly better than other candidates from big flight schools.
4. Flight Attendants will be MEL'd on Saab flights with less than 19 passengers booked. Saab flights with more than 19 passengers booked will be cancelled in an effort to trim costs.
5. Saabs will be retrofitted with "throw-over" style Bonanza yokes. That's a 50% cost savings on yokes alone.
6. In an effort to further reduce Interline Revenues, passengers stranded by aircraft mechanicals will now be driven to their destination by the A&Ps that drive around the system delivering parts to the broken airplanes. We find this system to be very reliable and there is normally a minivan leaving every hour. We have also implemented PFT for the F/O candidates who sit in the right seat of the minvan. The POI has approved the logging of this sort of time.
7. Pilot initial and recurrent training will no longer be conducted by Flight Safety. This training will now be conducted in a red Radio Flyer wagon on a steep hillside. The POI has approved the logging of this sort of time.
Well, there you have it, Gents. Good news for all as we complete our transition to the airline of choice for people who need government subsidies to get around. Fly safe, and don't forget to punch your timecard out.
Jason
