Perhaps you haven't provided the whole story here, but if I understand you correctly, your aircraft is moored on property leased by the FBO. If this is indeed the case, the FBO is within their rights to charge for the leased space. Additionally, if the FBO has been charged with establishing and maintaining security for all who pass through their property to access the airport, the FBO does have a right to the information they've requested from you.
You're entering onto the airport property under the security program as a guest of the FBO, or in other words, using the FBO's authorization to enter the field. The FBO is required to obtain information from you in order to sponsor you under their authorization. In most cases, this also means that the FBO is responsible for ensuring that you pass a security check (or for passing on the information to the airport or police who will provide the actual check). At a minimum, the FBO will need certain basic information from you for their own accountability in sponsoring you as a tennant, or subleased tennant.
Most airports, believe it or not, do not permit work on aircraft on the field unless you are licensed to do so by the municipality that oversees or regulates the field. You are generally required to carry a certain level of insurance for yourself and your vehicle, and often must have a facility in which to perform the maintenance. If the leaseholder for the tiedown or ramp area in which your aircraft is secured prevents you from doing maintenance, then you're in no different a boat than an apartment landlord that prevents maintenance on your car. You rent the apartment, but don't have a right under the lease to work on your car in the parking lot. That is very common; shouldn't come as a surprise at the airport.
I am an experienced wrench. I have a number of rollaway boxes shadowed with tools, books, materials, etc. I could make extra money equipping a truck to visit fields as a rolling shop, but most airfields won't permit it. Through the fence operations, private or commercial, are very often prohibited unless certain licensing fees are paid. The bottom line is that I can't cross the fence in many cases to work on someone's aircraft. On one level, I can understand why repair facilities on the field might see this as protecting their interests; after all, they pay rent and insurance to be able to do that. I shouldn't be able to cross the fence and take away from their business without the playing field being levelled.
Many fields don't allow the dumping of fuel, due to EPA concerns.
On the subject of washing; if the FBO is unable to offer the requisite training courses, then you certainly have a leg to stand upon in fighting for certain owner rights. You'll still need to show the proper training in waste water disposal, effects on the environment, appropriate chemicals and their use, etc.
Many fields have vehicle requirements and a field driver license. This is apart from any state-sanctioned driving privilege authorization. A test is usually taken covering driving rules and proceedures on the field, at the completion of a training course. These courses typically take one or two hours. Included in these courses are instructions on what field access points you can and can't use, requirements for stopping after crossing through gates until the gates are completely closed, and challenging those who appear suspicious or who fail to exhibit the proper ID. These regulations aren't new; these have been in effect for many, many years at a lot of locations.
Additionally, if the airport hasn't required it before, certain insurance minimum requirements are often established if you wish to drive your car on the field.
So you believe that telling the FBO where you work and providing them with already-public information regarding your FAA certification is too high a cost, do you? I'm sure that makes sense to you, but if that's the reason you're "giving up aviation after 21 years," I certainly don't believe you. I hear your frustration, but there is more to the story or you're just looking for an excuse to stop flying. None of this is new, and it's done every day all over the country. If indeed the FBO is the leaseholder for the tiedown area and the ramp, then the FBO is entitled to levy fees and establish operating parameters on their leased property. That you were already there is not relevant. That the FBO may require information of you to implement the security precautions with which they have been charged should be expected, and is nothing unusual. As a guest of the tennant, it is the tennants responsibility to ensure accountability for all whom they sponor with access to the field.
For this you are quitting? If you're giving away that airplane give me a call. I know just what to do with it.