Funniest PA Announcements Given/heard...

[chucknorris]

for the most part , so are all aspects of the airline, when dealing with them

 

[Smacktard]

These are all very entertaining, but is it just me or are they all rather unprofessional?

That's because half of them have been around for decades and haven't been heard in about as long. Kinda like the I heard this on ground when I was in Berlin.."[angry german]Have you never been to Berlin? [american pilot]Yeah, back in '44"

 

["GO AROUND"]

From a great FA. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover but only 4 ways off this airplane." "There is no smoking allowed on any Delta connection flight, if you feel the need feel free to step outside."

 

[Aerosurfer]

I use my boxing announcer voice from time to time when I have a good crew......."Flight attendants; LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLets Get Ready for TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF"

 

[Peanut gallery]

Old Flight Attendant

Flying a DC-10 on one of the routes from Hawaii to San Fran, we were coming up on an old Kalitta DC-8 that was mostly silver with just a little white. As we were going by we called the number one, (A good natured old girl with silver hair that had been playing this game all the way back to Pan Am days in San Fran) we told her to look off the right side of the airplane and that she would see this DC-8 about 1,000 feet below us and about 500 feet to the right. She said most of the people were up and that the movie had just finished so it would be a great time to make an announcement. I asked the Flight Engineer to take a look and tell me when she was standing at R2 looking out the window. He gave me the thumbs up and I started my PA.

" from the cockpit, just a quick update on our position, we are currently about 90 min. from San Francisco and the wx is still great. If you take a look at the right side of the airplane you will notice a grand old silver lady from the golden age of aviation, pause, pause oh and there is also DC-8 out there."

 

[Longhorn]

What happened to the river dance comment? What was it again?

 

[Wind_Danzer]

"The cabin is pressurized for your comfort. If there is a sudden change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. Stop screaming, take the mask in your hand and pull down to start the flow of oxygen. The bag will not inflate but the oxygen will be flowing. Place the mask over your nose and mouth and take the elastic strap and put it over your head. Pull the straps on the mask to tighten and breath normally. Continue to use the mask until a crewmember advises you supplemental oxygen is no longer needed. If you are seated next to a child or someone acting like one, please secure your mask first, then help secure your husband's."

"... please use the reading lights in the passenger service unit above your head. Those are the little yellow buttons, the little green one will eject you from the aircraft."

*crickets, crickets*

 

[punkpilot48]

From one of my captains:

"...and from all of us at US Airways and US Airways express we would like to thank you agian for choosing our airline today and have a great day.....Oh we are United express aren't we?......Well...uh...I'm sure those people would like to thank you even more then."

 

[OPECJet]

These are all very entertaining, but is it just me or are they all rather unprofessional?

The way my airline treats me is unprofessional.

What's wrong with having a little fun at work anyhow?

 

[Aerosurfer]

These are all very entertaining, but is it just me or are they all rather unprofessional?

You must just be a sparkplug of fun to fly with........

 

[ils2minimums]

Michael Flatley would frown...

What happened to the river dance comment? What was it again?

During boarding about a year ago I was loading the FMS and not really paying attention to the Captain's pre-departure PA. He was a small guy and kinda reminded me of Tim Conway's portrayal of Mr. Tudball from the Carol Burnette show. He was droning on to the passengers about all of the regular boring things like the weather and the stuff they're not allowed to do, such as congregate in the aisles, use the lavs in another class of service, get up while the seatbelt sign is on, blah blah blah... at the conclusion of the 60-90 second PA he ends it in his monotone voice with: "and whatever you do, never, EVER Riverdance, it just looks horrible..."

I cracked up, and I still crack up to this day when I think about it.

 

[suupah]

"la ned neproiu ;ldfiun njkenr; nlejwrn"

the passenger behind replys..."what the hell did he just say"

 

[pilotguy733]

You must just be a sparkplug of fun to fly with........

No, I said buttplug. She's heinous. *lol*

 

[81Horse]

... "and whatever you do, never, EVER Riverdance, it just looks horrible..."

Bwahahahahahaha .... that's funny.

 

[XJohXJ]

These are all very entertaining, but is it just me or are they all rather unprofessional?

It's not a profession anymore.

 

[IdRtherBsailing]

From ORD to MKE,10 to 15 min flight. I always wanted to do this but now I pass this on to any Skywest pilot.

"Ladies and Gentleman we are at our cruising altitude so we are going to go ahead and turn off the seatbelt sign (ding)but ask that while your seated to please keep your seatbelt securely fastened." Immediately following. "And we are about 7min from landing in MKE so the seatbelt sign is coming back on(ding) so please make sure that your seatbelt is securely fastened for the remainder of the flight until we arrive at the gate and the sign is turned off..Flight Attendant prepare for landing".