Funniest PA Announcements Given/heard...

[AdolphOlivrbush]

Let's hear 'em...

 

[mckpickle]

From a buddy of mine who used to be at PDT and deadheading on MESA,
"Yo Yo peeps and peep-ettes, What up from the pointy end, welcome aboard US Air Express Flight ####............................."

WTF over.

 

[jws717]

On jet blue, 6AM FLL-JFK
Welcome abord all aluminum non stop highspeed turbo jet service to new york! Hunch forward, freak out and have a bad time. Or just sit back relax and watch TV; your choice.

 

[OPECJet]

"if there's anything the flight attendant can do to make you more miserable, please don't hesitate to ask"

It just slipped out as we were getting ready to pushback a full flight with no APU on a 90+ degree day. Cockpit door was still open, there was much laughter. (and no call from El Jefe as of yet)

 

[Flyin2low]

It's not the captains fault, it's not the fo's fault, it's the asphalt.....
Sorry folks i think we just got shot down............
We're trying to do our best to hit the bumpiest clouds along the way, if any of you see any that we missed, please advise our flight attendant so that we can circle back to run through them too..........

 

[Johnswrld]

Here at ______ we are proud to say that we have the best flight attendants in the the industry. Unfortunately it's the weekend so they are all off. Instead in the back we have _____ and ____!

 

[bell47]

On a Southwest flight from JAN to Orlando. Before we pushed back. "On behalf of the crew and I, I would like to thank you for flying Southwest, but we're not going anywhere until whoever in the crew that took my Texas longhorns towel returns it to the cockpit." about three minutes later " We can go to Orlando now, Please prepare the cabin for departure, thankyou."

 

[SXMp2c]

While holding just short of the jetway waiting for rampers to bring us in...
"Ladies and gents, this is your first officer. We have pulled up just short of the gate waiting for some rampers to bring us in. Please keep your seatbelts fastened until we reach the gate, the captain is a good pilot, hes just not a very good driver"

 

[8HourPilot]

I'm gonna have to steal that.

 

[jtharth]

haha keep um comming

 

[81Horse]

Droning along in solid IMC:

Currently passing 12,000 feet, and starting our arrival into the Seattle-Tacoma area. Passing off the left side of the aircraft now, Mt. Rainier, at 14,410 feet -- the tallest peak in the Cascades. I know you can't see it. I just wanted you folks to know that I know it's there.

 

[urflyingme?!]

CA Bubba 75/76 CA at UAL. Just find him.

 

[Ben Franklin]

taxiing in:

"Please use caution when opening the overhead bins as your contents most certainly shifted during that landing..."

"If you're making a connection with us today, monitors and agents are available to assist. If you're making a connection on another carrier, we could care less"

"you may now use your approved portable electronic cellphones"



Sincerely,

B. Franklin

 

[flyer172r]

"We here at United Express are proud to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."

"We ask for a little patience with our flight attendant today. She's just recovered from a nervous breakdown and this is her first trip back after her stay at the institution."

 

[jws717]

On Song, as we push back. "the cabin lights will be dimmed. This is done to inhance the beauty of the flight attendants."

 

[GARFF]

"We know you have your choice of bankrupt airlines......and thanks for choosing ours!"

 

[fried chickens]

During a long taxi to the rwy..."Folks, due to increasing fuel costs, our complany has decided we will drive you half way to your destination"

 

[OPECJet]

Your flight attendant's name is _____. She hails from Hawaii, enjoys pina coladas and gettin' caught in the rain.

(from a Mesa buddy)

 

[puttin4doh]

Not mine, but I thought I'd pass it along:

Well folks, we're just leveling off at 30,000 ft, right over the border of Indiana and Ohio. If you look out the right side of the airplane, you'll see a small town. That's the town of Wedlock, our flight attendant Katie was born just outside of there...

Puttin

 

[mamba20]

These are all very entertaining, but is it just me or are they all rather unprofessional?