Funniest PA Announcements Given/heard...

[AdolphOlivrbush]

Let's hear 'em...

 

[mckpickle]

From a buddy of mine who used to be at PDT and deadheading on MESA,
"Yo Yo peeps and peep-ettes, What up from the pointy end, welcome aboard US Air Express Flight ####............................."

WTF over.

 

[jws717]

On jet blue, 6AM FLL-JFK
Welcome abord all aluminum non stop highspeed turbo jet service to new york! Hunch forward, freak out and have a bad time. Or just sit back relax and watch TV; your choice.

 

[OPECJet]

"if there's anything the flight attendant can do to make you more miserable, please don't hesitate to ask"

It just slipped out as we were getting ready to pushback a full flight with no APU on a 90+ degree day. Cockpit door was still open, there was much laughter. (and no call from El Jefe as of yet)

 

[Flyin2low]

It's not the captains fault, it's not the fo's fault, it's the asphalt.....
Sorry folks i think we just got shot down............
We're trying to do our best to hit the bumpiest clouds along the way, if any of you see any that we missed, please advise our flight attendant so that we can circle back to run through them too..........

 

[Johnswrld]

Here at ______ we are proud to say that we have the best flight attendants in the the industry. Unfortunately it's the weekend so they are all off. Instead in the back we have _____ and ____!

 

[bell47]

On a Southwest flight from JAN to Orlando. Before we pushed back. "On behalf of the crew and I, I would like to thank you for flying Southwest, but we're not going anywhere until whoever in the crew that took my Texas longhorns towel returns it to the cockpit." about three minutes later " We can go to Orlando now, Please prepare the cabin for departure, thankyou."

 

[SXMp2c]

While holding just short of the jetway waiting for rampers to bring us in...
"Ladies and gents, this is your first officer. We have pulled up just short of the gate waiting for some rampers to bring us in. Please keep your seatbelts fastened until we reach the gate, the captain is a good pilot, hes just not a very good driver"

 

[8HourPilot]

I'm gonna have to steal that.

 

[jtharth]

haha keep um comming

 

[81Horse]

Droning along in solid IMC:

Currently passing 12,000 feet, and starting our arrival into the Seattle-Tacoma area. Passing off the left side of the aircraft now, Mt. Rainier, at 14,410 feet -- the tallest peak in the Cascades. I know you can't see it. I just wanted you folks to know that I know it's there.

 

[urflyingme?!]

CA Bubba 75/76 CA at UAL. Just find him.

 

[Ben Franklin]

taxiing in:

"Please use caution when opening the overhead bins as your contents most certainly shifted during that landing..."

"If you're making a connection with us today, monitors and agents are available to assist. If you're making a connection on another carrier, we could care less"

"you may now use your approved portable electronic cellphones"



Sincerely,

B. Franklin

 

[flyer172r]

"We here at United Express are proud to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."

"We ask for a little patience with our flight attendant today. She's just recovered from a nervous breakdown and this is her first trip back after her stay at the institution."

 

[jws717]

On Song, as we push back. "the cabin lights will be dimmed. This is done to inhance the beauty of the flight attendants."

 

[GARFF]

"We know you have your choice of bankrupt airlines......and thanks for choosing ours!"

 

[fried chickens]

During a long taxi to the rwy..."Folks, due to increasing fuel costs, our complany has decided we will drive you half way to your destination"

 

[OPECJet]

Your flight attendant's name is _____. She hails from Hawaii, enjoys pina coladas and gettin' caught in the rain.

(from a Mesa buddy)

 

[puttin4doh]

Not mine, but I thought I'd pass it along:

Well folks, we're just leveling off at 30,000 ft, right over the border of Indiana and Ohio. If you look out the right side of the airplane, you'll see a small town. That's the town of Wedlock, our flight attendant Katie was born just outside of there...

Puttin

 

[mamba20]

These are all very entertaining, but is it just me or are they all rather unprofessional?

 

[chucknorris]

for the most part , so are all aspects of the airline, when dealing with them

 

[Smacktard]

These are all very entertaining, but is it just me or are they all rather unprofessional?

That's because half of them have been around for decades and haven't been heard in about as long. Kinda like the I heard this on ground when I was in Berlin.."[angry german]Have you never been to Berlin? [american pilot]Yeah, back in '44"

 

["GO AROUND"]

From a great FA. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover but only 4 ways off this airplane." "There is no smoking allowed on any Delta connection flight, if you feel the need feel free to step outside."

 

[Aerosurfer]

I use my boxing announcer voice from time to time when I have a good crew......."Flight attendants; LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLets Get Ready for TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF"

 

[Peanut gallery]

Old Flight Attendant

Flying a DC-10 on one of the routes from Hawaii to San Fran, we were coming up on an old Kalitta DC-8 that was mostly silver with just a little white. As we were going by we called the number one, (A good natured old girl with silver hair that had been playing this game all the way back to Pan Am days in San Fran) we told her to look off the right side of the airplane and that she would see this DC-8 about 1,000 feet below us and about 500 feet to the right. She said most of the people were up and that the movie had just finished so it would be a great time to make an announcement. I asked the Flight Engineer to take a look and tell me when she was standing at R2 looking out the window. He gave me the thumbs up and I started my PA.

" from the cockpit, just a quick update on our position, we are currently about 90 min. from San Francisco and the wx is still great. If you take a look at the right side of the airplane you will notice a grand old silver lady from the golden age of aviation, pause, pause oh and there is also DC-8 out there."

 

[Longhorn]

What happened to the river dance comment? What was it again?

 

[Wind_Danzer]

"The cabin is pressurized for your comfort. If there is a sudden change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. Stop screaming, take the mask in your hand and pull down to start the flow of oxygen. The bag will not inflate but the oxygen will be flowing. Place the mask over your nose and mouth and take the elastic strap and put it over your head. Pull the straps on the mask to tighten and breath normally. Continue to use the mask until a crewmember advises you supplemental oxygen is no longer needed. If you are seated next to a child or someone acting like one, please secure your mask first, then help secure your husband's."

"... please use the reading lights in the passenger service unit above your head. Those are the little yellow buttons, the little green one will eject you from the aircraft."

*crickets, crickets*

 

[punkpilot48]

From one of my captains:

"...and from all of us at US Airways and US Airways express we would like to thank you agian for choosing our airline today and have a great day.....Oh we are United express aren't we?......Well...uh...I'm sure those people would like to thank you even more then."

 

[OPECJet]

These are all very entertaining, but is it just me or are they all rather unprofessional?

The way my airline treats me is unprofessional.

What's wrong with having a little fun at work anyhow?

 

[Aerosurfer]

These are all very entertaining, but is it just me or are they all rather unprofessional?

You must just be a sparkplug of fun to fly with........