Flightdeck PA Announcements

[BoDEAN]

Anyone have or heard any clever ones?

Was dead heading on a flight from Vegas the other week and heard


"'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'"

Found it to be pretty humorous.

 

[b82rez]

I would imagine that was a FA PA and not a flightdeck PA.

 

[BoDEAN]

That it was. Topic was meant for PA's in general.

 

[JustaNumber]

Over Stone Mountain, GA,:
"And if you look out your right side, you'll see a great view of Loser's Rock."

In the Brasillia:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and please keep the windows closed as the a/c is on!"

"Roger, climb to flight level 230. Aw, crap."

 

[crj567]

For anyone who has ever worked at ASA:

You will most definitely remember a guy (if you ever flew with him,) with the initials G.R. Nice guy-just really, really, really loved to be on the mic.

Yep-this guy could literally read War and Peace and The Grapes of Wrath during his PA announcements.

I timed one once: 21 Minutes-no kidding.

 

[wmuflyguy]

"Roger, climb to flight level 230. Aw, crap."

Clearing the paxs for "T/O" or "into position and hold" after the Pre-T/O announcement.

 

[silver02ex]

J/S on a Horizon flight from SEA - PDX. "Folks, from the flight deck, welcome aboard flight. xxx weather in Portland, blah blah blah blah blah. Free beer and wine."

 

[Tristar]

Call me a curmudgeon if you want, but my experience has been only a few people can really pull off humor in a flight deck PA (or a cabin one for that matter). I am not one of them - I have flown with them, the late Doug Henslee (Duwat) being one of the best. Most of the rest of us are better off being plain, white bread airline pilots rather than stand up comedian wannabes. Just my thoughts.

 

[WayBack]

Call me a curmudgeon if you want, but my experience has been only a few people can really pull off humor in a flight deck PA (or a cabin one for that matter). I am not one of them - I have flown with them, the late Doug Henslee (Duwat) being one of the best. Most of the rest of us are better off being plain, white bread airline pilots rather than stand up comedian wannabes. Just my thoughts.

How about we just call you a dork for using that word?

Sorry, but the reason you can't pull it off is because you have no personality. No sense of humor and no imagination. Therefore you sit back and use the words like the one above, sit at home on Friday nights while eating Cheeto's.
Then first thing Saturday morning, check into the free clinic, thinking you've picked up an STD from sitting on a public toilet seat.
Just wipe the orange stuff off your hands before you light the candles and curl up into bed all by yourself there, Andy.

 

[Tristar]

How about we just call you a dork for using that word?

Sorry, but the reason you can't pull it off is because you have no personality. No sense of humor and no imagination.

Pardon me for having a vocabulary not confined to monosyllabic utterances. You can call me a dork if it makes you feel better, but you lose on the other three.

Since I position all over on a regular basis, I'm subjected to numerous PAs.
Most of WN's FA PA humor is the same material that's been recycled for the past 10+ years. It's not really that funny anymore. I'll take myself out of the judging because I do travel so much - 10 years ago people chuckled at the jokes, now they seldom do.

Even worse was the US Express crew recently. The FA was trying to be funny, with some limited degree of success. Then one of the geniuses up front decided to get into the act. They were bantering back and forth on the PA - which might have been funny on some level except:
1) They sounded like high school kids, not professionals.
2) If I recall correctly, there is some rule about a sterile cockpit. Most of this occurred below 10,000 feet, and the most egregious was while taxiing in! Again, it seems to me this dork has gotten some mailings from the FAA about runway incursions, I'm betting they wouldn't find it all that funny.
Yet another case of I'll be embarassed for you (that crew) since you're clearly to stupid to know what idiots you are.

I'm know I'm not as dry as you think, but I'll bet money you aren't as amusing on the PA as you think you are.

 

[JumpersAway]

While flying into Atlanta, following a rather lengthy ground delay due to weather......A First Officer proceeds to elaborate on the ground delay, the reason for our late start, and he managed to sum it up beautifully over the P.A............"Ladies, and gentlemen- Atlanta's all crapped up".......

 

[TOOL CRIB]

If I hear one more Blackberry Blueberry Strawberry joke I think I'm checking myself into the mental clinic...

 

[aa73]

While flying into Atlanta, following a rather lengthy ground delay due to weather......A First Officer proceeds to elaborate on the ground delay, the reason for our late start, and he managed to sum it up beautifully over the P.A............"Ladies, and gentlemen- Atlanta's all crapped up".......

A First Officer making PA announcements? Now that's all phuked up. I'll quote AA's beautiful PA philosophy as summed up in FM Part 1: "The CA is responsible for all PA announcements." Sorry, they don't pay us F/Os enough to make PAs, LOL.

 

[shamrock]

For anyone who has ever worked at ASA:

You will most definitely remember a guy (if you ever flew with him,) with the initials G.R. Nice guy-just really, really, really loved to be on the mic.

Yep-this guy could literally read War and Peace and The Grapes of Wrath during his PA announcements.

I timed one once: 21 Minutes-no kidding.

My one and only experience with GR was a roundtrip to DHN, he started talking to the pax 5 minutes out of DHN and finally finished on downwind in ATL. Had it been a longer flight I'm sure he could've come up with more...

Nice guy though.

 

[OPECJet]

Told the pax we tried to replace their flight attendant with a golden retriever, but the dog ran off and the pound wouldn't accept the FA. Got chewed out by a passenger for that one.....

Full airplane, no APU, and couldn't spin an engine waiting on a fuel truck, "If there's anything we can do to make your visit with us more miserable, please don't hesitate to press your flight attendant call button". That one was an accident.

 

[JumpersAway]

A First Officer making PA announcements? Now that's all phuked up. I'll quote AA's beautiful PA philosophy as summed up in FM Part 1: "The CA is responsible for all PA announcements." Sorry, they don't pay us F/Os enough to make PAs, LOL.

With us, it's the PM that makes the arrival PA durring the initial descent........

 

[CoATP]

I can't stand "Final Destination" as that refers to life not flight and "Sit Back and Relax" which leaves out the beginning part .... "Even though your flight crew has spikey hair, has an IPOD on high, and wears a backpack ...."

 

[WayBack]

I'm know I'm not as dry as you think, but I'll bet money you aren't as amusing on the PA as you think you are.

I never try to be funny on the PA because you never know who is in back.
No matter what you say, you always offend someone.

 

[jws717]

"Hello ladies this is your captain speaking, we have a slight delay waiting for the fuel truck to arrive. So i would like to take this opportunity to tell you about myself. I am 45 recently divorced, i live in florida and i enjoy long walks on the beach"

 

[crashpad]

....and people wonder why we get so little respect?
This doesn't make people laugh, it makes them realize there are unqualified, inexperienced pimply-faced pud-whackers at the controls.