'different' clearances

[CRFLyPutt]

Must be something about my obviously youthful features , they usually hear me once then start spoon feeding it:

"Descent and maintain 4000" then when I have that under control, I will get a vector, and when that seems to be on the up and up, in their careful voice reserved for slow children or the oxygen-deprived, "Nooowww, coonnttaact ABC approoaach on 1xx.yy, Goood daayy!"

CummON buddy, feed it to me!

Depends where you are, the controller's situation and traffic I suppose.

You may have a point. Seems the local controllers at my airport know the tail numbers of some of the locals. They give you these long clearances knowing you're pretty familiar.

 

[Swede]

Can't believe no one's mentioned Caribbean controllers. All you need to do is say "Royer" ("Roger")

Yesterday departing Maiquetia. Filed 1 Mares departure, then it's A315 to Curacao. As we are cleared for T/O, tower says "Fly REKON departure, cleared for takeoff". Whoa there hoss. We need to sort this out.

I go back to ground. REKON is not on our flight plan, nor does it touch A315 to PJG.

Me: "Ground, understand cleared REKON departure?"

Gnd: "Royer!"

Me: "We were not filed for REKON. Where do you want us to go after REKON?" (REKON is darned close to the field)

Gnd: "Royer!"

Me: ?!?! "AFTER REKON, WHERE DO WE FLY?"

Gnd: "Royer, REKON departure!"

This is not exaggerated at all.

As part of my deep South America check, the Check Airman said "Many of these enroute controllers like Manaus will approve ANYTHING you request. Watch this: 'Center, request a large pepperoni with extra cheese.' " "Royer, approved as requested"

 

[Bongo]

It brings back bad memories of flying in Haiti. NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[DX Rick]

One morning out of ARR we waited until 6am for the tower to open.

at 6am on the dot, good morning arr.

No responce for 10 minutes.

Good morning arr, you up?

Tower: (sounds like he just woke up) good morning, looking for a clearance?

Yes, IFR to BNA.

Tower: cleared radar vectors to BNA.

Us: Ok, well what about altitude, squawk and Freq?

Tower: What ever alt you want, you can have. Contact ground and they will get you your squawk.

Us: Ground King Air at the condos

Ground: (same guy as clearance) Good morning, taxi to 27 and hold for clearance.


We have never laughed so hard.

 

[minitour]

I hate the triple or quadruple bangers especially when you're busy. Turn left to 110, descend to 2000, intercept the localizer, contact the tower 118.70 and before you go there's traffic at you two o'clock and 4 miles.

I love those...I just toss numbers together.

"1102000187 intercept lookin see ya"

 

[dsee8driver]

I think since the boys in Atlanta started using the Rnav departures and arrivals they have gotten a little tense. 2 weeks ago I was flying the TOL-ATL-MCO for a week and after the 3rd night I could have hung them boys. Approach controllers sounded like they don't talk to each other and Clearance can't hear really well. Every night I would call up, "Air Transport 721 Alpha to Orlando, unable to accept RNAV" Clearance: ATI 721 cleared via rnav departure..........." "Sir we are UNABLE TO ACCEPT RNAV departure." Then they argue of why we are filed slant R and we have to explain that we are RNP 2 and not the required rnp to meet the departure. And some still argue!

 

[viper548]

Caution all aircraft, the Salt Lake 9 departure is a radar vector departure. Nevermind, thats the ATIS

 

[moonlight]

Convoluted clearance out of SMO

Want to watch a new FO's brain turn to mush? Have 'em pick up the clearance from SMO to LAS. It makes my carpal tunnel act up. Goes like this...ahem...NXXXX, cleared to LAS via fly runway heading, at the LAX 310 radial, turn right heading 250 for radar vectors to intercept V165, V518 to PMD. Outbound on the PMD 065 Radial to intercept the DAG 239 Radial to DAG, Kepec1 Arrival. It's at the "...runway heading, at the LAX 310 Radial turn right 250" that my poor FO's start to stumble. By the time the controller gets to the crossing radials off of PMD and DAG, they are simply staring straight ahead and drooling. I've even warned them ahead of time about what is coming, it doesn't matter. I've done it enough times now and it's the same every time, so I just ask the ground controller for the squawk code, and read back the clearance in it's entirety to them from memory. The FO thinks I'm pretty b*d*ss for a little while after that, at least until I do something really sweet like forget to pull the chocks or something.

 

[CaravanMan]

Danger,

Wow, it's weird that you just told us about your SMO clearance because I just found one I saved from there in a box in the basement! This is from a year or two ago, but it looks like a bit is still the same. Here it is:

Cleared to SLN via...
(1) Runway Heading,
(2) Cross LAX R-310,
(3) Then Right to 250,
(4) Radar Vectors,
(5) V-165,
(6) V-518,
(7) PMD,
(8) V-12,
(9) BASAL int,
(10) V-394,
(11) DAG,
(12) J-146,
(13) LAS,
(14) J-146,
(15) Dove Creek,
(16) J-197,
(17) Direct HGO,
(18) J-24,
(19) Direct (KSLN),
(20) Maintain 3000,
(21) x FL370 in 5,
(22) 125.2,
(23) Squawk 1063

Longest clearance I had in my life! At the time I was flying right seat only once in a while, but I got the whole thing the first time, no readbacks. Heh, the controller actually messed up and gave us PMD twice in the clearance. We flew darn near the entire clearance too before we finally got direct.

 

[ISaidRightTurns]

Want to watch a new FO's brain turn to mush? Have 'em pick up the clearance from SMO to LAS. It makes my carpal tunnel act up. Goes like this...ahem...NXXXX, cleared to LAS via fly runway heading, at the LAX 310 radial, turn right heading 250 for radar vectors to intercept V165, V518 to PMD. Outbound on the PMD 065 Radial to intercept the DAG 239 Radial to DAG, Kepec1 Arrival. It's at the "...runway heading, at the LAX 310 Radial turn right 250" that my poor FO's start to stumble. By the time the controller gets to the crossing radials off of PMD and DAG, they are simply staring straight ahead and drooling. I've even warned them ahead of time about what is coming, it doesn't matter. I've done it enough times now and it's the same every time, so I just ask the ground controller for the squawk code, and read back the clearance in it's entirety to them from memory. The FO thinks I'm pretty b*d*ss for a little while after that, at least until I do something really sweet like forget to pull the chocks or something.

If you do it that often, why wouldn't you file it? Is it published as a pref route?