Cabin Monkeys

[Loafman]

A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals
on display. While he was there, a Chief Master Sergeant from the local air force base walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a maintenance monkey, please."

The man nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took
out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the CMSgt, saying, "That'll be $5,000." The CMSgt paid and left with the monkey.

Surprised, the tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that maintenance monkey, he can rig aircraft flight controls, score 95 on the AF CDC test, perform the duties of any MX officer with no back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money."

The tourist spotted a monkey in another cage. "That one's even
more expensive--$10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that one is a "Maintenance Supervisor" monkey; it can
instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance at the unit, intermediate, and Depot level, and even do most of the paperwork.
A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey
in a cage. The price tag read, "$100,000". The shocked tourist
exclaimed, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world could it do?"

"Well, I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer and
play with himself, but his papers say he's a Pilot!"

 

[Simon Says]

Dont you guys watch "Malcom in the Middle". There was that one guy in a wheelchair that had one crazy service monkey.

 

[bigD]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says, "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!", says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little b@stard. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his @ss, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks.

"Now what?", responds the patron.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his @ss, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!"