Best Wise guy radio call?

[SkyBoy1981]

A friend of mine is a pilot on a Citation X and was on a cross country flight at FL410. The Citation X cruises around Mach .92, and during the flight they overtook an American 757 at FL370. The American crew took notice of the small jet overhead that was outrunning them and asked the Center controller what type of aircraft it was. Without missing a beat, the Citation captain replied with "We're just a little Cessna..."

 

[dash8driver202]

flying the dash out of eagle about 6-8 months ago we were cleared to FL200 with a G4 departing behind us. They were getting impatient and requested higher...

OptionsXXX: "Den center optionsXXX looking for higher."

Den Center: "optionsXXX traffic 11 o'clock 3 miles, a dash-8 climbing to fl200."

OptionsXXX: "Traffic in sight, I didn't know dashes could fly backwards."

After they pass under us they ask for higher again...

OptionsXXX: "center looks like were clear can we have higher?"

By this time center is getting annoyed so he comes back with...

Den Center: "optionsXXX you stiillll don't have enough separation on the dash for a climb...I thought G4's were faster!"

they stopped asking for higher and answered all other calls on that freq with a dejected tone to their voice. We couldn't stop laughing though.

 

[AnimalTale]

OUCH!

Heard this 2 weeks ago on a flt from SJC-DEN.

On our route we where following a UAL 777. The Ual 777 was following a SWA 737.

Controller: "United slow down to .76, following a 737."
United: "What! .76?!! Move that light twin out of the way!"
??????: "I'd rather be a light twin instead of the SINKING TITANIC."

A few moments of cringing silence.

 

[ASH]

Bump..

 

[711-24-7]

Top 11 actual things heard from ATC at Chicago O'Hare

11. Approach: "American Two Twenty, eneey, meeny, miney, mo, how do you hear my radio?"

10. Approach: "The traffic at nine o clock's gonna do a little Linda Ronstadt on you"
Airliner: Linda Ronstadt? what's that?"
Approach: Well sir they are gonna 'blue bayou'.

9. Airliner: "I can see the country club down below, looks like a lot of controllers out there!"
Approach: Yes, sir there are, an they are caddying for DC-10 drivers like you.

8. Airliner: Approach, what's our sequence?
Approach: Calling for the sequence I missed your callsign but if I find out what it is, your are last

7. UAL 525: Approach united five two five what this aircraft doing at my alt?
Appraoch: what makes u think it's YOUR alt, cpt?

6. Airliner: Request runway 27 right
Approach: unable
Airliner: DO you know the winds at 6000 is 270 at 50
Approach: Yeah I do if we could jack the airport up to 5500 you could have that runway, expect 14 right

5. Approach: Delta 176 say speed
Delta 176: we slowed it down to 220
Approach: pick it back up to 250, This aint atl and them aint no grits on the ground.

4. Airliner: The first officer says he has you in sight
Approach: Roger, the Fo is cleared for visual app rwy 27R, you continue on that 180 hdg and decend to 3000

3. Interphone: Hey ohare you see the 7600 code falshing five northwest of Gary?
Approach: Yeah I do you guys talking to him

2. Airliner: Approach what's the tower?
Approach: That's big tall bldg with glass all around it but thats not important right now.

1. OHARE TOWER: AIR FORCE FOUR FIVE, IT APPEARS YOUR ENGINE HAS......OH, DISREGARD. I SEE YOU HAVE ALREADY EJECTED.

 

[ILStoMinimums]

If there are any more out there, continue guys! Lots of these are great!

 

[U-I pilot]

Approach: How will this approach terminate?
Student: In a blazing hole....

 

[Twotter76]

At ORD last week as we were clearing the active

Ground: "United xxx follow the blue and gray regional....oh wait a minute, Air Shuttle xxx what are you guys doing!!!???"

United xxx: "Amazing how those little airplanes mess up a big airport"

Unknown: "Amazing that your little mind can pilot that big airplane"

 

[belchfire]

"...oh disregard, I see you have
already ejected"

lmfao!!!

 

[Smoked Toilet]

In denver on sunday, a Delta 757 was taxiing extremely slow across the north end of the B/C concourse ramp. There was my RJ and one other waiting impatiently for the dam thing to get across since we were instructed to give way. The ramp controller noticed how slow the 757 was moving and said "Sorry guys, if I new they were so unhappy about their pay cut, I would have put you 2 in front of him."

Good stuff.