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Best crew departure briefings!!!

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Someone told me about flying with an ol' guy that used to always say:

Testicles

Spectacles

Checkbook

Cigarettes

Let's Roll
 
Briefing for a single engine go around in a PA-44;
Push everything forward and, refer to the Kiss Your A$$ Good Bye Checklist!
 
Heard this one while in the jumpseat...

FO was breifing the Capt for departure..."I'm gonna fly it, your gonna fix it, any F'n Question"?
 
In regards to the callout for getting in our seats for takeoff
"Flight Attendants - Restrain Yourselves for Takeoff"

BTW - We loved it!
 
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I never heard anything, until last weekend. We were doing our briefing for formation flight. The flight lead says "These aren't bumper cars, they hate it when we touch, so don't"
 
"Takeoff Briefing?"

"We're gonna go fast and rotate. Any questions?"

"Nope"

At the old 135 gig, we had this divorced Captain who was always concerned about getting home before his child care provider had to leave. After a few questionable decisions, he became well known for in lieu of using V1, to favor Baby Sitter Decision Speed. (Vbsd) In other words, if the malfunction occured above Vbsd;

(Movement of the Lear under its own power for the intention of flight)

...he was goin'.
 

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