BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY TO SELL NETJETS
WOODBRIDGE, NJ (Reuters). NetJets, the creator and market leader in fractional aviation, announced today that it is being sold to a employee stock ownership plan owned by its pilots. In the joint announcement, the pilot group announced the deployment of a groundbreaking, new and innovative management structure, unused in any industry. “We have the most innovative, efficient, kind, friendly, creative, flexible, multi-faceted and reliable workforce in the history of the world” said a NetJets executive referring to its unionized pilots. All employees other than pilots will be dismissed. We will be an all pilot company.
The rationale behind this innovative strategy is“our pilots now know everything about everything” said a union executive. They started off knowing much about a little (flying), but over time began to know more and more about more and more so that today they know everything about everything. “Our studies have proven that through osmosis in handling their joystick, our pilots have become masters in not only flying business jets, but marketing, sales, corporate finance, dispatch and mechanical issues”, said the unnamed union executive. The union executive said that once upon a time, the NetJets executives, who created the fractional business model, were able to finance it, build it, get owners to purchase the jets and successfully operate it for many years, started out knowing a lot about many items, but after listening to the pilots for many years the NetJets executives realized that they know little about nothing and have decided to leave the company. Like many entrepreneurial ventures, it is time for us to move on and leave the Company in more capable hands”, said one executive who has been with the company since its inception. Union leaders have said that the collective intelligence of its membership have actually conceived of a model whereby pilots will have starting compensation at a per flying hour rate just below the per hour compensation of the owners they are flying. For example, a new pilot will receive a per hour compensation at 90% of the average level of total compensation (including perks, stock options and bonuses, but not including additional compensation, regardless of whether reported from insider trading and fraud) of the corporate executives which fly on that type of aircraft. As the pilots have more seniority with the company, they will move to larger jets whose owners, on average, are more highly compensated. For example, the average owner of a Gulfstream IV-SP makes more than the average owner of a share in a Hawker 400. In order to attract new pilots, all pilots will be required to change their status at the company from pilot to share owner after 10 years in order to make new opportunities available for younger pilots. “Our model shows that after 10 years, each pilot should be wealthy enough to own a quarter share in the jet of their choice; this will continually create many new owners, who can afford and would be more than willing to pay higher and higher salaries to the new pilots, who will make more and more until they have enough money to become an owner themselves”, says Charles Ponzi, Ph.D., a consultant to the pilots group. In addition, with the pilots working fewer hours, they will actually fly even fewer hours since most new owners will be type rated in the aircraft they own. We anticipate that many of the owners will want to take the controls themselves, leaving the compensated pilots to dine on caviar and Tootsie Rolls while not clogging the toilets with excess toilet paper.
In other news, in response to the continuing discussion of the choice of the successor to Berkshire Hathaway Chairman Warren Buffett, the Berkshire Hathaway Board released a statement saying that they are in exploratory talks to sell all of the BH divisions to the pilots group. Chairman Buffett said “not only does this amazing group know how to run NetJets, but they seem to be able to tell us how to run all of our divisions”.
Only time will tell.
POSTSCRIPT: Guys (and NJW) this is satire. Please don't flame away. You all need to lighten up and laugh at what is posted on this board from time to time.
BTW, while for years I have been suggesting a good publicist for the pilots for good media placements, the quote from the union in yeserdays The Wall Street Journal is not going to endrear the owners to the pilots. It is an accurrate statement based upon my recent observations, but not one which will have the owners feeling any support towards the pilots.
FLY SAFE.
WOODBRIDGE, NJ (Reuters). NetJets, the creator and market leader in fractional aviation, announced today that it is being sold to a employee stock ownership plan owned by its pilots. In the joint announcement, the pilot group announced the deployment of a groundbreaking, new and innovative management structure, unused in any industry. “We have the most innovative, efficient, kind, friendly, creative, flexible, multi-faceted and reliable workforce in the history of the world” said a NetJets executive referring to its unionized pilots. All employees other than pilots will be dismissed. We will be an all pilot company.
The rationale behind this innovative strategy is“our pilots now know everything about everything” said a union executive. They started off knowing much about a little (flying), but over time began to know more and more about more and more so that today they know everything about everything. “Our studies have proven that through osmosis in handling their joystick, our pilots have become masters in not only flying business jets, but marketing, sales, corporate finance, dispatch and mechanical issues”, said the unnamed union executive. The union executive said that once upon a time, the NetJets executives, who created the fractional business model, were able to finance it, build it, get owners to purchase the jets and successfully operate it for many years, started out knowing a lot about many items, but after listening to the pilots for many years the NetJets executives realized that they know little about nothing and have decided to leave the company. Like many entrepreneurial ventures, it is time for us to move on and leave the Company in more capable hands”, said one executive who has been with the company since its inception. Union leaders have said that the collective intelligence of its membership have actually conceived of a model whereby pilots will have starting compensation at a per flying hour rate just below the per hour compensation of the owners they are flying. For example, a new pilot will receive a per hour compensation at 90% of the average level of total compensation (including perks, stock options and bonuses, but not including additional compensation, regardless of whether reported from insider trading and fraud) of the corporate executives which fly on that type of aircraft. As the pilots have more seniority with the company, they will move to larger jets whose owners, on average, are more highly compensated. For example, the average owner of a Gulfstream IV-SP makes more than the average owner of a share in a Hawker 400. In order to attract new pilots, all pilots will be required to change their status at the company from pilot to share owner after 10 years in order to make new opportunities available for younger pilots. “Our model shows that after 10 years, each pilot should be wealthy enough to own a quarter share in the jet of their choice; this will continually create many new owners, who can afford and would be more than willing to pay higher and higher salaries to the new pilots, who will make more and more until they have enough money to become an owner themselves”, says Charles Ponzi, Ph.D., a consultant to the pilots group. In addition, with the pilots working fewer hours, they will actually fly even fewer hours since most new owners will be type rated in the aircraft they own. We anticipate that many of the owners will want to take the controls themselves, leaving the compensated pilots to dine on caviar and Tootsie Rolls while not clogging the toilets with excess toilet paper.
In other news, in response to the continuing discussion of the choice of the successor to Berkshire Hathaway Chairman Warren Buffett, the Berkshire Hathaway Board released a statement saying that they are in exploratory talks to sell all of the BH divisions to the pilots group. Chairman Buffett said “not only does this amazing group know how to run NetJets, but they seem to be able to tell us how to run all of our divisions”.
Only time will tell.
POSTSCRIPT: Guys (and NJW) this is satire. Please don't flame away. You all need to lighten up and laugh at what is posted on this board from time to time.
BTW, while for years I have been suggesting a good publicist for the pilots for good media placements, the quote from the union in yeserdays The Wall Street Journal is not going to endrear the owners to the pilots. It is an accurrate statement based upon my recent observations, but not one which will have the owners feeling any support towards the pilots.
FLY SAFE.
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