Ahh, this should be fun.
You should spend more time trying to pick the correct runway on the TLR
The release is a planning tool. We try to get it right everytime, but obviously, airport configurations can and do change between the time the release is built and takeoff/touchdown. The FAA OIS Airport Metrics screen helps alot.
If the runway chosen is NOTAM'd OTS...then your dispatcher is an idiot and not paying attention. Call and force the change.
The flight is only released when you and the dispatcher are in agreement. By accepting the release "as-is" and catching something later...that's on you. So, like Homer said...READ YOUR RELEASE!
...choosing the correct altitude for direction of flight...
Depending on what flight planning/performance software your company uses, this may or may not be something that can be changed/toggled. Filed altitude is based on direction to first waypoint...you should know this by now. In most cases, we can't just change the altitude. (We could edit the strip manually when we filed it, but the performance data in the release is based on the filed altitude the computer came up with...which is, in turn, based on the parameters we tell it to run with)
Example - I received a call the other day where the captain was pissed that I filed him with an eastbound flight level when he was going south-southwest. Apparently, he "looked like an idiot" to ATC when picking up his clearance. Thing is, it was an ATC requested routing that we file everyday and the first waypoint was skirting to the east around a restricted area.
...and answering the phone when your services are required!
You've never visited your company's dispatch office, have you? We spend half our day on the phone. If we're not answering...we are likely on the other line. Or, trying to sneak a break.
Sure, we may be sitting in front of a computer all day (and, let's face it...take away the personal responsibility for the folks in the back and the moving along at 7 miles per minute...and you basically do the same thing). That said, we get about the same amount of breaks as you do. Therefore...when we think we can escape for a moment to eat, pee, smoke, cheat on our girlfriend, etc...we jump at it. Same as you jump at the chance to get outta the plane when you thought it was going to be a quick turnaround.
Quick Hits:
- Yes, we do get alot of so-called "downtime"...but remember, we are also charged with keeping an eye on you, your position, and any hazards ahead.
- Yes, there are crappy dispatchers amongst us. Just like there are crappy pilots. The ratio is about the same...just more noticable when there are alot fewer of us than there are of you.
- Be nice to your dispatcher...your dispatcher will be nice to you. Be nasty to your dispatcher for things out of his/her control...and everything that IS within his/her control will be unleashed upon you. This applies to the jumpseat, as well. Sometimes we need to hitch a ride, sometimes we need to knock out our required observation time. Those who are nasty...are remembered.
- Want a better flow time (applies only to offices that can actually negotiate such things...which disqualifies most regionals)?...A cancel in your favor?...Want out of that aircraft with half the plane deferred? See #3.
- Yes, I am watching football...posting on FI.com...and flight following 12 flights...but I'm the exception to the rule. I'm just that damn good.
It's the little accusations of not knowing what we're doing, like this one, that make me wish that there was a required 5 hours as a "dispatch observer" attached to every captain upgrade...just like we have to do our 5 hours a year with you. Every pilot that comes in to our office (out of pure interest of what goes on in here) walks away with their questions answered and their ideas of what we do to keep it all together completely changed.
All in all, I don't think the supposed mutual hatred for one another really exists outside of the internets...but it's so damn easy to rip each other anonymously on this online black hole of crankiness that is FI.com. However, I don't think pilots understand what we do nearly as much as we understand what they do...and the lack of knowledge mixed with a few bad apples makes us easy targets.
If you don't know how we do things/come to certain decisions...ask questions or, better yet, visit your company's dispatch if you ever get an overnight in that city.
Now you know...and
knowing is half the battle!