I don't have the REAL V1 article that this is spoofing, but in my "funny folder" in my filing cabinet, I ran across the spoof article from "V1-Cut" and was able to scan it. I'm pretty sure that this is what people are talking about. If there are little errors, I apologize, text scanning isn't always perfect, but you will get the idea. No, I didn't write it, and I don't know who did - but it is funny stuff! I don't know how many mailboxes the V1 spoof ever made it to, but I hope they show up again one of these days. From the looks of it, this was from 2004.
The Capacity to Shed Blood
Lyman Killsome, manager-Pilot Training
I've been working very hard this year at trying to incorporate more
scenario-based training into our curriculum here at ASA. With that in
mind, I'd like you to consider the following: Imagine you've just put
your wife, twin daughters, mother, college roommate, congressman,
and pet rabbit on one of our CRJ's so they can attend the funeral of
your youngest sister in Bristol, Tennessee.
Unbeknownst to you, about an hour before departure, the captain of
that aircraft (we'll call him Jones) found two revisions in his box, one
from Jeppesen and one for the POH. He placed both in his hat, picked
up the release, then stopped in the mens room where he placed his hat
on the counter before stepping into one of the stalls. At the same time
a hatless pilot, upon leaming that chief pilot Bob Honalee was on duty
that day, discretely snatched up Captain Jones' hat, placed it on his
head, and sauntered out of the mens room. Captain Jones was
horrified to discover that his hat had gone missing. After a fruitless
search, he proceeded to his aircraft with the loss weighing heavily on
his mind.
About two hours later, Captain Jones, your wife, daughters, mother,
college roommate, congressman, pet rabbit, and seventeen others are
killed when their aircraft slams into the spent-fuel facility at the new
Devil's Tongue nuclear power plant, three miles southwest of the Tri-
City ailport. In addition, 63,000 citizens in Tennessee and Kentucky
are killed by the radioactive cloud that burst from Devil's Tongue after
the impact. President Bush and his cabinet misinterpret the explosion
as a sneak attack by North Korea and order a massive nuclear counter-
strike. Russian President Putin then launches his entire nuclear
arsenal at the United States out of sheer habit. The resulting holocaust
lasts three days and wipes out 98% of all living things on planet Earth.
If only Captain Jones had been more diligent in ensuring that his
publications were up to date, he would have known that the MDA for
the NDB approach to runway 5 at TRI had been increased 1,500 feet
on account of the new power plant. He would also have known that
the revised POH strictly prohibits ASA aircraft from crashing into
nuclear power plants.
Could the above scenario actually happen? Absolutely! Has it? I
don't know, but I do know this-if recent events are any indication, ASA
is at risk for precisely this kind of accident. Over the years, some of my
aviation peers have labeled me anal and overbearing. Some of you
may ask why I persist in composing such grim scenarios. It's simply
because I firmly believe in the value of negative reinforcement in flight
training. And being a sociopath helps, too.
[FONT="]Fly safe! (And don't crash into nuclear power plants!)
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