future wife doesn't understand

[bell47]

I have been working as an A&P/IA for the last couple of years so I've been at home so to speak. I recently got laid off and need to go back to flying as there are no other mechanic jobs around. This means one of two things either we pack our stuff sell the house and move,( which she says she won't do so it's not really an option), or I'll have to be gone while flying for multiple days in a row. Now she says this would be OK but tears up and and throws out the comment " I would never stop you from doing what you want to do". I've tried explaining that it's not really what I want to do(being gone alot, I love the flying part) but it's a decent living and I've gotta have a job. How do I make her understand that since she won't move that I can't be at home and make a living. I've already been divorced once because I was pilot, why don't alot of women understand that pilots have to travel for a living? Why do they feel the need to act like you want to leave them? Any suggestions would REALLY be appriciated! bell47

 

[SSDD]

You've had your warning!

You need to decide which one you love more, flying or the girlfriend, because you're not going to have both. She's told you how she feels, and that's not likely to change.

If you chose commuting you'll both be miserable and then its just a matter of time...

It may sound cold hearted, but whatever you do don't get married until you're SURE you've sorted things out. If flying is what you love, then maybe you're not a match.

Godd luck.

 

[pilotyip]

take the flying job, see how it works out. If she calls it quits you will know you have made the right move. If she understands and adjusts to it, you may have keeper.

 

[luvu]

When I was dating my wife of 17 years we went to a lot of movies. A lot of movies have the typical scene where the soldier, policeman, fireman, etc has to go off to do his job which can be difficult enough, but then the whining wife adds to the man's burden by placing a guilt trip on him for serving his country, serving the public, or just being dedicated to his profession.

After watching several of these whining women making the man's job that much more difficult, my then girlfriend, turned to me and expressed her vomitous disgust for the kind of woman displayed in the movies.

I knew she was a keeper and proposed to her right away and married within a few months. That was 17 years ago.

I suggest you RUN FAST away from your girlfriend. Her behaviour is so far completely out of line that it disgusts me just as it disgusted my wife all those years ago.

 

[McNugget]

What movies are those, I need to go to blockbuster now!

 

[luvu]

It is a well established and sickening roll in american movies and apparently in real life to the horror and misfortune of the working/traveling spouse.

The last one my wife and I went to was "The Guardian." An enjoyable movie. The whining wife roll is reincarnated and again my own wife expressed her disgust.

 

[pilots-wife]

Wow….be careful…it just gets harder. Missing birthdays, holidays, etc. If you have kids, she will never understand why you are not able to be at their school functions.

I take some flack for being in these discussions asking questions for my husband…some people have been quite rude…but I don’t care. I do not support them. I support my husband, and if there is anything I can do to make his job easier, I will. I am as much involved with my husbands career as I can be…that is how we work. WE ARE A TEAM. We both have to sacrifice certain things. He misses some of the kid’s things, and I have to go alone. It really makes us value the time he is home.

My thoughts are… if your girlfriend, no matter how wonderful she is, does not understand your career (and most likely your passion for flying), it will never work.

Good Luck!

 

[moonlight]

Geez, after a few days at home, scrounging around, throwing off everyone's routine, beating the kids, I'm not too sure who is more excited for me to leave on a trip...me or her!!

 

[Stifler's Mom]

Geez, after a few days at home, scrounging around, throwing off everyone's routine, beating the kids, I'm not too sure who is more excited for me to leave on a trip...me or her!!

No truer words have ever been uttered on these boards!!!!!!

People always ask me how I keep my marriage alive by being gone 2 weeks a month. I remember seeing some quote about, "two mighty oaks cannot grow in eachother's shadow."

 

[Gatorman]

A.I.D.S.
Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome

Maybe she should find you a better job or shut the h_ll up!

If you two are truely in love and want to make it happen, you have to talk about it and work hard at it.
A job is no reason to flush down a marriage.

 

[Falconjet]

Dtb!!!!!!!!

Fj

 

[Andrew_VT]

Dtb!!!!!!!!

I woulda said it in more words, and less direct...but yeah. My girlfriend of years fully understands what it means to be with a pilot, she knew from the start. She likes moving and thinks a 7on 5 off schedual would be great (I couldnt stand the simple "homecoming" type...yee haw)

Ask your girl if she'd be happy with different combinations of days on and off, if she would prefer a guy with a 9am to 5pm schedual, then I'd be worried about her looking for a bedwarmer while you're gone!

 

[Oh-ryan]

Does she have a sister... how bout the future mother-in-law... any hope there?

I'm with the rest of the folks here. Run like the wind.

 

[JimG]

I don't fly for a living, but I told the perfect woman (my wife now) a couple of years ago after we met that if she couldn't handle flying with me....

Our relationship wasn't going to get off the ground.


No woman is worth giving up flying for....not even the "perfect" woman.

 

[pilotyip]

if she won't support your flying habit, she could not be perfect.

 

[⌐ FLYER]

Very good advice from "pilots-wife" - listen to her - after all she should know!

If your girlfriend is not supporting you DUMP her ASAP! It'll suck for a while but you'll be much happier in the long run.

 

[Papps]

I have been working as an A&P/IA for the last couple of years so I've been at home so to speak. I recently got laid off and need to go back to flying as there are no other mechanic jobs around. This means one of two things either we pack our stuff sell the house and move,( which she says she won't do so it's not really an option), or I'll have to be gone while flying for multiple days in a row. Now she says this would be OK but tears up and and throws out the comment " I would never stop you from doing what you want to do". I've tried explaining that it's not really what I want to do(being gone alot, I love the flying part) but it's a decent living and I've gotta have a job. How do I make her understand that since she won't move that I can't be at home and make a living. I've already been divorced once because I was pilot, why don't alot of women understand that pilots have to travel for a living? Why do they feel the need to act like you want to leave them? Any suggestions would REALLY be appriciated! bell47

Never choose aviation over friends, family, or even girlfriends.

 

[capt. megadeth]

Never choose aviation over friends, family, or even girlfriends.

Uh.....girlfriends? Yeah, don't take the aviation job and when the girlfriend dumps you.....then what?

I agree with pilot's wife.

 

[pilotyip]

My goodness I agree with Capt. Mega, pilot's wife has it figured out, like most military spouses. They are going to be gone. It comes with the profession.

 

[Metro752]

yo problem is yo woman tinks she waz da daddy pant

u nee put ha in ha place mang

 

[JimG]

yo problem is yo woman tinks she waz da daddy pant

u nee put ha in ha place mang

I spent time to log in just to read that?

 

[Metro752]

I spent time to log in just to read that?

soz mang, u geh wa u peh fo

 

[lifeguard]

I am a pilot's wife, too and I say RUN! And figure out why you picked the same type of woman as your first wife!

 

[hawk16e]

After my last airline died, I got a job second shift in a factory. 3pm to 11pm (or 3am.) When I first got hired at the present gig, we had 7 days off /mo. I saw my kids more as a commuter. (at work when they got home from school-came home when they were in bed-still asleep when they left for school.)
Sometimes when I get home, I'm more of an inconvienience than a help. Commuting isn't for people who are clingy or jealous, but it can work for couples who can be independent. I think you need to find out why she won't move. Her reasons may be good and/or flexible. My wife won't relocate since she helps take care of her aging parents. There was a poster on this board a few months ago who complained about her husband commuting.
Obviously I can't tell you what to do, except take time to do a lot of soul searching. Don't be bitter over a missed opportunity and be mad at her for years, but don't throw her away for a job that may not be what you thought it was supposed to be. What is important to you? just my.02 Best wishes whatever your descision.

 

[AlbieF15]

Lets be honest.

You are going to have sex a finite number of times during the month. Maybe 5, maybe 25, maybe 50 (yeah...right...)

Pilots get to have sex with their spouses using the formula (number of times we REALLY have sex) divided by (number of nights home).

Two ways to spice up the sex life are increase the top line (difficult) or increase the bottom line (easy). Keeping a one to one or better ratio is just good business for all concerned. In other words--if we aren't going to have sex, why don't I just stay on the road in a nice hotel where I can drink, watch ESPN all night and surf the internet, and not have to suffer through your mindless banter, dirty house, and lousy cooking?

It also increases your reputation with your spouse's buddies...."Oh....he/she is a TIGER...we have sex EVERY night we are together..."

Flying is good for both of us. Get used to it--or get gone...

 

[Papps]

Uh.....girlfriends? Yeah, don't take the aviation job and when the girlfriend dumps you.....then what?

I agree with pilot's wife.

The terminology for that would be "getting owned" like a B. But a job in aviation isn't exactly "making it". Its not like if you dont land that high paying 30,000-70,000 average flying job you are screwed for life. My buddies that quit aviation early and prioritized family/friends are some of the happiest people i know, they make similar or more money than most of us pilots that "made it", and they didnt have to pay dues for 15 G.D years

 

[pilotyip]

papps there also many of us who got out of flying and found out they missed it. Even with all of its limitations it beats the 8-5-office routine. Besides how do you know if your family is actually happier when you are gone?

 

[800Dog]

www.nomarriage.com

 

[capt. megadeth]

The terminology for that would be "getting owned" like a B. But a job in aviation isn't exactly "making it". Its not like if you dont land that high paying 30,000-70,000 average flying job you are screwed for life. My buddies that quit aviation early and prioritized family/friends are some of the happiest people i know, they make similar or more money than most of us pilots that "made it", and they didnt have to pay dues for 15 G.D years

That's fine but you said not to pick flying over even a girlfriend. That's a little over the top unless you think she is "the one" or something and even then you can have your girlfriend and fly too.

What's wrong with paying your dues? That's the problem with people these days....they all want instant gratification. If you want the good aviation jobs, dang right you should pay your dues. WTFO?

 

[Papps]

That's fine but you said not to pick flying over even a girlfriend. That's a little over the top unless you think she is "the one" or something and even then you can have your girlfriend and fly too.

What's wrong with paying your dues? That's the problem with people these days....they all want instant gratification. If you want the good aviation jobs, dang right you should pay your dues. WTFO?

You are a retard...over. You don't know anything about my situation and if i payed dues or not. As far as chucking this job in favor of the people in my life, I would rather do that than spend endless hours locked up on a flight deck with an av-dork like you that talks about "whats wrong with people these days" and uses "WTFO". WTFO is the gayest saying in aviation history and you are a moron. I did pay my dues, thanks for checking, now if we can just make sure the other 4million people on flight info payed their dues we will be all set. By the way megadeth sucks. Now go tell the admin that someone hurt your feelings.