Who is the dumbest dispatcher you have worked with?

[VSI9k+]

Maybe this is a repost...but Im pissed at dispatch today and would like to hear some good stories.

VSI

 

[GotnoTime]

have you seen my baseball?

 

[capt. megadeth]

There was a dispatcher at Chicago Express that wanted a crew to do a single engine ferry and was serious about it.

 

[CA1900]

We're riding with a fed doing an enroute observation, plugged into the intercom. We get ATIS for Bangor, they report the first 2,000 feet of the runway is closed. So we call dispatch for amended landing numbers, to be told, "Oh, no, you don't need those."

"Uhhh, yes, we do. We're landing with a partial closure."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, we do."

"NO you don't!"

"The fed who's sitting behind me agrees that we do."




"Stand by."

To this day I don't know how that woman keeps her job...

 

[Afterprop]

OK . . .what time is it Z-time there?
LMAO

 

[freightdogfred]

Had a dispatcher file a flight plan for me El Paso-Chihuahua at 7000 ft...(As I recall the MEA is somewhere around 12,500 ft)

 

[big pimpn']

What about when they call your hotel room phone and ask "where are you ?"

 

[Thedude]

Has a DXer file me right through a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico

 

[PUNISHER]

We were sent to pick up pax to a location about 800 miles from our base. We got to our destination, waited for our pax to show. Long story short three hours later still no pax, turned out the dispatcher that booked the trip recorded the wrong departure date. They were not supposed to leave until the next day. The best part was we both had the next day off so they had to bring us home! Talk about an exspensive mistake. Gives a new meaning to non-rev.

 

[727gm]

Stupid Dispatch Tricks
Disclaimer: 121 Supplemental has no dispatchers, just "Flight Followers" (tho' most have the DX cert.)

Flight Follower/Crew Scheduling error: crewmember needed to in OAK (Oakland CA), reserve pilot airlined to "Oak City" (OKC: Oklahoma City), or was it vice-versa?

Pilot on reserve ticketed by company to Detroit; calls in to Crew Scheduling upon arrival for further instructions...Crew Scheduling says "What are you doing in Detroit?"....Pilot: "You airlined me here"

 

[Princedietrich]

This wasn't actually a dispatcher, more of a sales rep, but we had a guy tell a customer that we certainly can and would carry those parts for an offshore OIL RIG for them. Last time I checked, it's kinda hard to get 5k pounds of 15 foot long parts made out of non-flexible metal through the door of a Learjet.

This one actually was by a dispatcher. We had a jet based in DAL, one at MDW, and one at ATL. One night due to some crazy weather, the routing got completely FUBARed and things needed to be rearranged. We had the DAL jet end up overnighting in MDW, the MDW jet overnighted in ATL, and the ATL jet overnighted in DAL.

 

[ksu_aviator]

I've had some simple ones, like Memphis to Golden Triangle MS (20 minute flight) at FL210.

DFW direct ELP in a /A aircraft.

Dispatched in a LR35 into a 3500 ft dirt strip.

Landed in a Chicago area airport (forget which one) and the passenger taps me on the shoulder and asks me "Where are we?". Turns out we where suppose to be in IND!!! I even told the pax what the weather was doing in Chicago, what was going through his mind?

Forced to fly from PHI (where we had a nice hotel) to RDU late at night so the aircraft could get MX. We where told they had set up a room and if we refused we would be billed for the cancel fee. So we flew, got beat to hell in t-storms (which is why we didn't want to fly), couldn't maintain altitude at one point, radar went out and when we land in RDU the hotel didn't have a reservation!

 

[JethroFDX]

During hurricane Isabell we were to operate a highspeed to from MEM to TYS then fly the CRJ up to Clarksburg, WVa and pick up another CRJ then fly back to TYS. The weather forcast for hours was basically low ceilings, low vis and blowing rocks and mud. Dispatcher couldn't understand why we couldn't shoot an ILS with a 40+knot tailwind. Add to that it took them 45 minutes to get us some Jepps plates for Clarksburg.

When talking to the dispatcher, which began in MEM, I advised him that there was a butt load of Harriers that had left east coast, I think, and if they were moving from the storm how did he think we could do better. Upon arriving in TYS his response was, "so what are you going to do?" I told him we're going to the hotel in TYS and thanks for the extended rest.

To beat all, he still didn't understand why we couldn't go.

 

[NewBlue]

About a decade ago, When I called in range to the station the station ops told me to contact dispatch as soon as I landed.........

I called........

DX wanted to advise me that they had changed my alternate due to deteriorating WX at the filed alternate.

I thanked him for the update and went to the hotel.:laugh:

 

[DX Rick]

There was a dispatcher at Chicago Express that wanted a crew to do a single engine ferry and was serious about it.

DOMES!!!!!!!

This girl I worked with, asked me right infront of a fed "I forget how to file a manual route, can you show me?"
I looked at her with wide open eyes, mumbling "You can't be serious!"
She continued "Well, When I file, do I have to file them to a navaid, or can they intercept an airway from radar vectors?"
I looked back, and thank God the Fed had his nose in a manual and wasn't paying attention. I took over her flight, gave her $10 and sent her to Wendy's. Manager of SOC took her desk for the remainder of the FEDs visit.

Working with the same girl, I intercept one of her ACARS message of a crew asking for a heading to get out of the weather. I look at the radar, see they're filed over Lake Michigan at 3,000ft with lvl 3-4 storms between Grand Rapids, Chicago, Milwaukee and South Bend. They were locked in.

Guess what? Same girl. Busy as hell one day. It's the weekend, so it's myself, her and the flight follower....not licensed dispatcher. We got weather everywhere, delays, cancellations, sick calls and what not. I got my flights, she's got her flight. I've got my nose so deep into my own stuff, that I'm not even paying attention to her. I hear the flight follower on the mic, talking to crews. I listen a bit closer, and she's got him on the radio giving crews weather reports and relaying radar images to the crews while they're enroute. She thought since he was a private pilot, it was ok for him to give weather information out over the radio.

One holiday we had a squall line going from St. Loius, Champaign, South Bend all the way up to the U.P of Michigan. She had launched all out flights from DAY, IND, TOL for MDW. Our LEX flight delayed itself because of the weather. I asked her where she had planned all them to make it through the line. She took the radar, blew it up 1,000,000,000 times and said " I see some holes here they can pick through" Needless to say, all flight returned to their originating airports due to the squall line not having any "holes"

As far as working with "Stupid Pilots". The airline was closing down within 2-3 months, I had two cocky/stupid FO's decide to swich trips on their own because neither one wanted to fly with the captains they were flying with. I got an ACARS informing of the crew swap, while one airplane was airborne and the other was waiting to push out of IND. I had the one FO call me, and that was the only time I lost my cool with any pilot. I didn't like this guy on a personal level because of his ego. Everyone from SIU to the flight schools in Chicago news this prick, JA. Made them hold while the CP called them.
That was the only time I heard the CP, and other management pilots openly refer to a pilot as an "Arrogant Mother F*cker"
The other FO was leaving the next week for Shuttle. He thought he was so cool when he would call our DX drunk off his arse, asking for his schedule or airplane questions while he was in ground school, since they're flying our old airplanes.

 

[Mr Wu]

Had a dispatcher tell me I didn't need a second alternate because by the time I get to my destination, shoot an approach, go missed, go in the hold and get in touch with him it would be past the time that the next TAF period was valid at the alternate and we would have the weather for an approach. Basically building in a 30 min delay for planning purposes.

 

[30West]

IAD-PIT, alternate CMH. Why did PIT need an alternate? Because of a huge line of TS/ Tornadoes and hail scheduled to arrive at the same time as us. If I had to actually go to CMH I would have had to fly through the approaching line to get there!

How about an alternate airport that is clear and a million, but with one runway closed and the other reported braking action poor! (NOTAMS!)

I can talk smack because I've also been a dispatcher and done dumb stuff from both sides of the radio!

 

[hoover]

Maybe this is a repost...but Im pissed at dispatch today and would like to hear some good stories.

VSI

Here we see the difference between a pilot and a dispatcher. When a dispatcher has a bad day, he sucks it up and gets on with things. When a pilot has a bad day, he has to make sure that everyone else has a bad day too.

 

[momalley81]

Here we see the difference between a pilot and a dispatcher. When a dispatcher has a bad day, he sucks it up and gets on with things. When a pilot has a bad day, he has to make sure that everyone else has a bad day too.

Not quite- When a dispatcher has a bad day, he goes home, takes and asprine or three and calls it a day.

When a pilot has a bad day, they end up a smoking hole in the ground.

SLIGHT differance.

 

[VSI9k+]

Here we see the difference between a pilot and a dispatcher. When a dispatcher has a bad day, he sucks it up and gets on with things. When a pilot has a bad day, he has to make sure that everyone else has a bad day too.

You suck it up, and then go home and have sex with your boyfriend...yeah, thats a real tough living you are making there buddy. This forum was aimed at asking pilots a question, not so much for the queers in dickscratch.

VSI