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'Twas the night before security

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Jan 14, 2002
'Twas the Night Before Check-In and I had unpacking to
do- Removing all my sharp objects and my wine corkscrew.
Can't carry our items that are for personal use,
or those that we need if a screw comes loose.
Checked baggage for us is not an option you see,
we leave the simplest of items, including our equipment key.
Now if by chance we make the sensor bell ring,
security can go through our personal things.
From Tampons to Trojans, bras and briefs,
dirty laundry is shown to all passengers and
We're asked to stand, arms out from our sides,
With our legs outstretched, wand on our
You say we have authority, to gain passenger respect,
but we're not trustworthy enough, to pass a security
An unknown employee decides if I am okay-
To be given a crash axe and a plane to fly away.
Now for us who on the plane we go,
care greatly about our personal safety you know.
Yet Rampers, Mechanics, Food Service and Fleet -
Not much security for those, who don't fly in a
Big Security for us Flight Crews to go through,
so tell me now - Why don't those other people go through too?
Grumbling and complaining the passengers they board.
Mad at long lines, but it's due to the luggage they
The passengers don't get it - the airlines don't
see, that to limit the "hand-carrieds" would be an outstanding
Yes, bring on your baseball bats, and your roller bags
too, wheels with bungie cords - and these aren't weapons to
No leatherman's for us, no screwdrivers will do.
Better take away our neckties -
One pull on those and we would be through.
The Lav doesn't flush, a bin won't shut -
A latch is loose and I've nothing that will cut.
A carrier won't open so your drink I can't pour,
And we certainly can't stop at the local hardware
Wine in First Class? You must be dreaming -
My corkscrew was taken in Security Screening!
You want us to search - a bomb scare you say?
But look at those overheads - We'll be here all day!
A disturbance on board? A passenger fray?
Grab the Flex Cuffs - they will save the day!
Woops, on too tight? And the wrong passenger to boot?
No scissors or pliers - Go get the Crash Axe! What a hoot!
Flightdeck's are locked, they are safe but still prone,
and the Flight Attendants too, want to make it home.
So where are our Sky Marshals, so safe we can be?
I say covering the Legislators, who want to feel free.
My trip is now over, my layover in sight.
I'd like to settle down for a good rest tonight.
But my nails are broken and my nose hairs are loose,
so without trimmers or clippers what I am to use?
Can't stitch or sew my buttons back on,
to carry scissors and needles by the Crew is all wrong.
So who is more secure - is it them or is it us-
Who you give a multi-million dollar airplane to fly in, totally in trust.
Trained to save lives but not responsible enough,
might as well cut off our hands or put them in cuffs.
Our day starts again and we're expected to smile.
We always seem to go the Crew Member's extra mile.
But keep in mind at the end of your day -
That this heavy security for us is not okay.
Your Pilots and Flight Attendants are alone on the flights they go -
Yet not everyone who has plane access has been
checked for weapons you know.
Make it fair for us all, the same Security Check Screen -
Or it won't be long before we will be making a big scene.
Then night after night as we fly out of sight,
you'll know we've done all we can, to give you -
Our passengers - a safe flight!

;) :D :) :D :) :D :)
Last edited:
We just had the ugliest looking catapillars spin cocoons about 2 weeks ago. Now they just all hatched into the prettiest butterflies you have ever seen. Maybe that will be what happens with all the security mess. Great poem.

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