"The Glamour of Aviation" -- A One Act Play

[urflyingme?!]

That's when jonesy had an idea, not just a idea, but a vision.
r."

 

[johnny taliban]

Like a white knight charging to the rescue, this idea would snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Already in debt up to his ears Jones knew there was only one way out of this hell that some called "living the dream". He would do what so many before him had done. Lower the bar even further, go in debt even more, sell his soul one more time...thats right, he would BUY A 737 TYPE RATING!!!

 

[Cardinal]

FO Jones quickly runs to the ops computer, and dials up http://ads.flightinfo.com/banman.as...rID=7&BannerID=12&SiteID=0&RandomNumber=95318
"Only $6395! Well thats only a third of what I paid to Gulfstream to fly that teeny little Beech. What a bargain!" (Whips out credit card). . .(CA Smith walks in, and FO Jones assumes a stricken look, like his mom caught him looking at porn)

 

[bobbysamd]

continued . . . .

Jones collapses in a hard plastic chair and takes a sip of the coffee that had been on the burner well past TBO. The captain's attempt at CRM/leadership had left him deflated. Stuck in po-dunk, no money, still dark and cold out, can't hang out with the fun flight attendent, no hotel, student loans due, and hanging with Capt Smith who was almost as bitter as the coffee. His enthusiasm was ebbing like the sea before a tidal wave. What was a guy to do?

Jones: (thinking) "This is what I get for paying-for-training? I know what I'll do! I'll write a book about regionals airlines! I'll call it, 'Squawk 7500'! (intentional) Random House will publish it and I'll make milliions! So much for this $12,000 FO first-year pay!!!"

In the meantime, another junior crewmember enters . . . . .

TABExpress F/O: "Hey, Buddy!"

 

[Pilot124]

Looks at the crew, drops his pants and drags his nutz across broken glass on the floor. This remarkable action by the junior reminds CO Smith that he forgot to pick up his wifes birth control. Then when out of nowhere.................FO Jones..........

 

[Nolife]

On and ON

Both look at the F/O dragging his jewels across the broken glass and they both cringe.

Smith says," Dude, it can't be that bad... I mean come on."

"Yeah... relax, so you got screwed. It's life and it's always happening. Look at what happened to me at Gulf-Stream." Said Jones.



The ball bleeding F/O looked up at them in pain and said,' Dang... that really hurt... maybe I should have just called in sick."



"Yeah dude," said Smith, " or you could have gone to med school."

 

[CE402]

Time to get the story back on track....

Jones dusted off the "backup" and wearily hoisted his leather flight case from the floor as he made his way toward the ramp. The grim flourescent lights from the outside of the terminal barely highlighted little rainbows of Jet-A swirling around in ubiquitous puddles on the ramp. Jones made no attempt to dodge said puddles, letting his $8.99 Payless specials navigate the cruel waters -- the holes therein letting the colorful aqueous mixture fill the bilges of his footwear. He wearily approached the shiny new CRJ-700 that adorned the dreary ramp. Unfortunately, this erstwhile showroom demo was just an obstacle en route to his ultimate destination -- the off-white Jetstream 31 with the brown trim. Ah yes -- the little British submarine chaser with grand delusions of airline stardom that would be his enclave for the rest of this fine day. Strangely, the vision of his 1978 Ford Granada materializes in his head simultaneously with the morning's first glimpse of his trusty steed.....
......Meanwhile, Captain Smith fishes through his flight case for an all important receipt. He'd forgotten to check the receipt for accuracy. The company had long since ceased the direct billing of hotels and motels, preferring instead to have crews charge accomodations and meals on credit cards -- reimbursing them only after verifying receipts. Smith had gotten the tip from another captain that this particular establishment made no distinction on their receipts between any "General services" received at the motel. That meant that the adult movies that lulled him into a slumber last evening would be lumped under the same heading as the chicken wings, cheese fries, and Bud Lights that he and Jonesy shared earlier in the evening. There were some fringe benefits to his company's hyper-frugality, he thought.

"It's all about looking for the loopholes", said Smith to no one in particular after finding and verifying, the receipt.

 

[CE402]

.....any Jetstream pilots care to lend their literary expertise to this yarn?

 

[ackairpilot]

cont

They were now running behind scheduel due to the untimely uniform change. Captain Smith grumbled to himself as he passed the RJ and saw the outline of the J-31 in the distance. He was already on probation for violating Standard Opererating Procedures. A new hire First officer dimed him out for pulling the overspeed circuit breaker so he could keep the speed up past the barber pole without sounding the alarm. One more trip to the Chief pilots office for late departures could land him in the unemployement line collecting only a small percentage of his already pitifull wages.

Captain Smith felt comfort in knowing that he could rely on Jones to get everything ready to go before he got there. Jones was ussally on the ball and had the walk around done, the manifest in hand and the weight and balance almost complete before he even set foot on the airstair door. As Captain Smith got closer to the aircraft he noticed no lights on in the cockpit, no power cart connected and no First Officer Jones in sight.

Now cursing to himself and reaching up Captain Smith pulled the handle to release the door. A faint rumbling sound echoed from the aft baggage storage area as the airstair door came down to a rest. Captain Smith then caught a suprising glimps of first officer Jones stading in the baggage area and pulling his pants up around his waist. "I was just checking for some missing baggage from yesterday" Jones Exclaims his voice almost a full octave higher than ussal. Captain Smith not missing a beat says "Ok we better get going I'll go double check the paper work you go ahead and do your ouside walk around". The evidence still remained in Jones' hand, a copy of the Sports Illiustrated Swim Suit addition folded open to the centerfold page. A glob of spew was stuck just above the models chin and glissend in the now rising sun like a shiney penny.

First officer Jones thought during his walk around that he may be safe. The Captain did not react like he had seen anything. "Phew that was close" he thought to himself as he climbed into his seat and Captain Smith called for the origination check List.
FO Jones "Manuels and Supoort Docs " Captn. Smith "Checked"
"Emergency Brake" " Set"
"Batery Master" "On"
" LP Cocks" "Jerked and Tested Grounded and Open"

First officer Jones heart sank as he completed the rest of the checklistl. He knew at the very least he would be buying all the beer for the rest of the month.................................................................