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The Airline Interview

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Well-known member
Apr 21, 2005
Subject: The Airline Interview

I walked into the interview with a great deal of confidence and
> enthusiasm.
> Flying airplanes was my one true passion in this life. This was my big
> chance to merge my occupation with my love. I would become an airline
> pilot.
> "So you want to be an airline pilot?" the interviewer inquired.
> "Yes, sir, more than anything else I have ever wanted," I replied,
> realizing I sounded like an anxious adolescent.
> "Well, great, welcome aboard," the airline executive said.
> "You mean I'm hired?!" I cheered.
> "You bet, we're glad to have you. Actually, we've had trouble finding
> good pilots to hire," the exec explained. If I was surprised, it was
> overshadowed by my joy of reaching my dream.
> "Let's just go over a few points before you sign on the dotted line,"
> the company man chortled. "We're going to send you to the world's most
> renowned medical center. They'll spend two days probing your body
> orifices, draining and analyzing your blood, and administering
> psychological exams. They'll literally take you apart and put you back
> together. If they find any hint of current or future problems, you're
> fired and can find your own ride home."
> "Gee, I think my health is O. K.," I nervously choked out.
> The manager went on, "Good, next we'll evaluate your flying skills in an
> aircraft you've never been in before.
> "If we don't like the way you perform, you're fired,"
> I was confident with my flying, but this guy was making me nervous. He
> continued, "Next, if you're still here, we'll run you through our
> training program. If during any time in the next 10 years you decide to
> leave the company, you'll have to reimburse us $20,000, or we'll sue
> you. Also if you fail to measure up during training, you're fired."
> The man who had just given me my dream job listed still more hurdles.
> "Each time, before we allow you near one of our multimillion dollar
> aircraft we'll X-ray your flight bag and luggage, because we don't trust
> you. Also we'll ask you to pass through a magnetometer each time. If
> you fail to do so, you'll be arrested and jailed."
> "When you've completed your flight, we'll have you provide a urine
> sample, because we don't trust you to not take drugs. Very soon, we
> plan to take a blood sample to look for more drugs.
> "Also if you ever fly with another crew member who may have used drugs
> or alcohol, you must report to us immediately. If you fail to notice
> that anyone has used these substances, you'll be fired, have your
> license to fly revoked, and be fined $10,000."
> "Every six months, we want you to go back to the medical center for
> another exam. If they ever find a hint of a problem, your license to
> fly will be revoked and we'll fire you. Anytime you see a medical
> person, you must tell us about it so we can see if you need to be
> grounded and terminated. Also, we need to examine your driving record,
> and you must tell us if you have even any minor infractions so we can
> remove you from the cockpit as soon as possible."
> "At any time, without notice, a special branch of the government will
> send one of its inspectors to ride in your aircraft. The inspector will
> demand to see your papers and license, If your papers are not in order,
> you'll be removed, fined, terminated, and possibly jailed."
> "If at any time you make an error in judgment or an honest human
> mistake, you will be terminated, be fined tens of thousands of dollars,
> and be dragged through months of court proceedings. The government will
> make sure you never fly again for any airline."
> "You will be well out of town most holidays, weekends, and family
> events -
> half our pilots are always on the job at any point in time.
> Smiling an evil smile now, the airline hirer went on. "Oh, and one last
> thing to cover. Occasionally, we in management fail to see a trend and
> screw up royally or the country's economy falls flat on its face. If as
> a result of one of those events the corporation begins to lose money,
> you as an employee will be expected to make up the losses from your
> paycheck. Of course, management will not be held to the same standards.
> Oh, and one last thing - if we negotiate pay and work rule concessions
> from
> you in the future in exchange for a better pension plan, we probably
> won't
> fund that pension plan agreement (unlike the management pension
> plan and golden parachutes) and will likely have yanked it away from
> you."
> "Now sign here," he pointed, grinning as he handed me a pen.
> I faked a sudden nosebleed. Holding my head back and pinching my
> nostrils, I hurried from his office. When I got to the hall, I began to
> run. I ran all the way to my car. I figured if I hurried I could still
> get to the county vocational school before 5:00 and enroll in the
> industrial welding career program.

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