So you want to be an airline pilot?

[stonewall]

Probably old to some, but it was new to me. I especially like the last line:

30 years old. Finally get hired by Major airline. World is your Oyster.

31 years old. Buy flashy Car, house and lots of toys.
Get over that military poverty feeling.

32 years old. Divorce boring first wife. Pay Child support
and maintenance whilst looking for second wife.
Drink lots of beer and screw around whilst looking
for second wife.

33 years old. Repeat above for a few more years.

36 years old. Marry young spunky 25 year old virgin
flight attendant.

37 years old. Buy another house. Gave first one to wife #1.

38 years old. Give in to second wife to have more kids.
Father again.

39 years old. Now a Captain. Hooray! Upgrade house and
buy boat and even flashier cars.

42 years old. Wife ..2 runs off with wealthy merchant
banker but still wants share of house (100%).

43 years old. Settle with wife ..2 and resolve to stay away
from women forever. Seek appointment as Check
Captain to have something to do. Move into two
bedroom apartment.

50 years old. Meet sexy singer on a trip. She loves you
and says you are very "beeeg."

51 years old. Marry sexy singer. Buy big house, boat
and upgrade cars.

52 years old. Sexy singer wants kids (not again).
Resolve to get vasectomy.

54 years old. Try to talk wife out of kids but hey presto
she's pregnant. Says got sick after taking pill.
Accident, sorry, won't happen again.

55 years old. Father of triplets.

56 years old. Wife ..3 wants very big house, bigger boat
and very flashy cars. Give in.

57 years old. Make rash investments to try and have
enough money for retirement.

59 years old. Lose money on rash investments and
get audited by IRS.

60 years old. Wife ..3 says you're too damned old and no fun.
Leaves. Takes most of your assets.

61 years old. Now Captain on a non-sched South American 727
freight outfit and living in 1-bedroom non-air conditioned
apartment directly underneath the approach corridor of
Miami International RWY 9.

65 years old. Lose FAA medical and get job as sim instructor.
Look forward to years of getting up at 2 AM for 3 AM
sim brief in every godforsaken town your carrier can
find cheap, off-hour sim time.

70 years old. Alarm clock set by previous hotel room FedEx occupant
goes off at 1 AM. Have heart attack and die. Happy at last!

 

[WhiteCloud]

So if you want to be a pilot just get a vasectomy and stay single. No problems.

 

[nonstop]

Here I'll update it to make it more relevant to the 2000's

Probably old to some, but it was new to me. I especially like the last line:

35 years old. Finally get hired by a LCC. You can finally move to a permanent location at a hub and open a business that will supplement your airline pilot hobby.

36 years old. Lease a honda. Rent a 2 bedroom apartment.

37 years old. First wife gets sick of managing your Quizno's. Responsible first wife divorces you. Pay Child support and maintenance whilst looking for second wife. Drink lots of beer and screw around whilst looking for second wife.

38 years old. Marry 45 year young flight attendant.

39 years old. Buy a house. Look for other franchise opportunities since having to liquidate your Quizno's to settle with wife #1.

40 years old. Give in to second wife to have more kids. Father again.

45 years old. Now a Captain. Hooray! Buy new appliances to replace the olive green 70's appliances in your house. BUY a honda.

48 years old. Wife ..2 runs off with trash collector but still wants share of house (100%).

50 years old. Settle with wife ..2 and resolve to stay away from women forever. Seek appointment as Check Captain to have something to do. Move back into two bedroom apartment.

51 years old. Meet sexy singer on a trip. She loves you and says you are very "beeeg."

52 years old. Marry sexy singer. Move 2 bedroom apartment WITH den. Trade in Honda for a Miata.

53 years old. Sexy singer wants kids (not again). Resolve to get vasectomy.

54 years old. Try to talk wife out of kids but hey presto she's pregnant. Says got sick after taking pill. Accident, sorry, won't happen again.

55 years old. Father of triplets.

56 years old. Wife ..3 wants a house. Give in.

57 years old. Make rash investments to try and have enough money for retirement.

59 years old. Lose money on rash investments and get audited by IRS.

60 years old. Wife ..3 says you're too danged old and no fun. Leaves. Takes most of your assets.

61 years old. Now Captain on a non-sched South American 727 freight outfit and living in 1-bedroom non-air conditioned apartment directly underneath the approach corridor of Miami International RWY 9.

65 years old. Lose FAA medical and get job as sim instructor. Look forward to years of getting up at 2 AM for 3 AM sim brief in every godforsaken town your carrier can find cheap, off-hour sim time.

70 years old. Alarm clock set by previous hotel room FedEx occupant goes off at 1 AM. Have heart attack and die. Happy at last!

 

[C-21Pilot]

I spent 90% of my money on women, drink and fast cars. The rest I wasted.
--George Best, British Footballing Legend

 

[GogglesPisano]

No furlough or bankruptcy?

 

[C425Driver]

I walked into the interview with a great deal of confidence and enthusiasm. Flying airplanes was my one true passion in this life. This was my big chance to merge my occupation with my love. I would become an airline pilot."So you want to be an airline pilot?" the interviewer inquired."Yes, sir, more than anything else I have ever wanted," I replied, realizing I sounded like an anxious adolescent.
"Well, great, welcome aboard," the airline executive said."You mean I'm hired?!" I cheered."You bet, we're glad to have you. Actually, we've had trouble finding good pilots to hire," the exec explained. If I was surprised, it was overshadowed by my joy of reaching my dream."Let's just go over a few points before you sign on the dotted line," the company man chortled. "We're going to send you to the world's most renowned medical center. They'll spend two days probing your body orifices, draining and analyzing your blood, and administering psychological exams. They'll literally take you apart and put you back together. If they find any hint of current or future problems, you're fired and can find your own ride home." "Gee, I think my health is OK," I nervously choked out. The manager went on, "Good, next we'll evaluate your flying skills in an aircraft you've never been in before. "If we don't like the way you perform, you're fired,"I was confident with my flying, but this guy was making me nervous. He continued, "Next, if you're still here, we'll run you through our training program. If during any time in the next 10 years you decide to leave the company, you'll have to reimburse us $20,000, or we'll sue you. Also if you fail to measure up during training, you're fired."The man who had just given me my dream job listed still more hurdles. "Each time, before we allow you near one of our multimillion dollar aircraft we'll X-ray your flight bag and luggage, because we don't trust you. Also we'll ask you to pass through a magnetometer each time. If you fail to do so, you'll be arrested and jailed." "When you've completed your flight, we'll have you provide a urine sample, because we don't trust you to not take drugs. Very soon, we plan to take a blood sample to look for more drugs. "Also if you ever fly with another crew member who may have used drugs or alcohol, you must report to us immediately. If you fail to notice that anyone has used these substances, you'll be fired, have your license to fly revoked, and be fined $10,000.""Every six months, we want you to go back to the medical center for another exam. If they ever find a hint of a problem, your license to fly will be revoked and we'll fire you. Anytime you see a medical person, you must tell us about it so we can see if you need to be grounded and terminated. Also, we need to examine your driving record, and you must tell us if you have even any minor infractions so we can remove you from the cockpit as soon as possible." "At any time, without notice, a special branch of the government will send one of its inspectors to ride in your aircraft. The inspector will demand to see your papers and license; if your papers are not in order, you'll be removed, fined, terminated, and possibly jailed." "If at any time you make an error in judgment or an honest human mistake, you will be terminated, be fined tens of thousands of dollars, and be dragged through months of court proceedings. The government will make sure you never fly again for any airline." "You will be well out of town most holidays, weekends, and family events - half our pilots are always on the job at any point in time. Smiling an evil smile now, the airline hirer went on. "Oh, and one last thing to cover. Occasionally, we in management fail to see a trend and screw up royally or the country's economy falls flat on its face. If as a result of one of those events the corporation begins to lose money, you as an employee will be expected to make up the losses from your paycheck. Of course, management will not be held to the same standards. Oh, and one last thing - if we negotiate pay and work rule concessions from you in the in exchange for a better pension plan, we probably won't fund that pension plan agreement (unlike the management pension plan and golden parachutes) and will likely have yanked it away from you." "Now sign here," he pointed, grinning as he handed me a pen. I faked a sudden nosebleed. Holding my head back and pinching my nostrils, I hurried from his office. When I got to the hall, I began to run. I ran all the way to my car. I figured if I hurried I could still get to the county vocational school before 5:00 and enroll in the industrial welding career program. !!

 

[vetrider]

"I had alotta money at one time....." John Lee Hooker, Whiskey and Wimmin

 

[BenderGonzales]

Not a single furlough or bankrupcty? No way. This is fiction. Here's how it SHOULD go:

23 years old. Get hired by regional airline flying CRJ.

26 years old. Upgrade to Captain. Start saving a little money and buy a nice car.

30 years old. Get hired by Major airline. World is your Oyster.

33 years old. Fall in love(?) and get married. Still counting money.

34 years old. Get furloughed. Go on unemployment. Sell car. Buy new car on Ebay. Low mileage beauty. Only flooded once.

34 years old. Resign seniority to get hired by another regional once unemployment runs out.

35 years old. Learn to hate 23 year old punk in the left seat. (Was I ever that young and nieve?)

37 years old. Quit regional to go fly a corporate.

40 years old. Finally buy a house and attempt to impregnante old wife.

42 years old. Sick of old wife but it's cheaper to keep'er.

45 years old. Recall notice from major comes. You decide it's not worth the hassle and stay where you're at.

50 years old. Finally make $100,000 again. Resolve to write note to PilotYip and tell him about it.

55 years old. Time to start thinking about retirement. How much is a Subway franchise?

54 years old. Try to talk kid out of college. What about the Army son?

55 years old. Ebay car finally kicks the bucket. With only 300,000 miles?? It was practically brand new!

56 Wife buys "sweet mini-van" (her words) Manhood appears to have disappeared. Yep. Made like a turtle.

57 years old. Make rash investments to try and have
enough money for retirement.

59 years old. Lose money on rash investments and
get audited by IRS.

60 years old. Lost medical due to stress. Badly overweight, high blood pressure, and no hair. You decide to stay married because you know you couldn't get laid anyway.

65 years old. You finally retire from flying. Still work at Subway. Have become very good at making Tuna sandwiches.

70 years old. Wife finally nags you to death. Sweet release.

 

[Boondock Saint]

40 years and not a single furlough? Oftly optimistic isnt it?

 

[nonstop]

50 years old. Finally make $100,000 again. Resolve to write note to PilotYip and tell him about it.

That is the funniest thing I've ever read on this forum.

 

[pgcfii2002]

70 years old. Wife finally nags you to death. Sweet release.

That could not be more true....ever wonder why the men die first???

 

[pgcfii2002]

You forgot the...."furloughed for the 3rd time" part.

 

[Gulfstream 200]

50 years old. Finally make $100,000 again. Resolve to write note to PilotYip and tell him about it.


.

that is priceless!

funny as hell!

 

[pilotyip]

non stop, golly I wish I could have done that

 

[El-Rushbo]

....ever wonder why the men die first???

Because we want to.

 

[Jim Smyth]

36 years old. Marry young spunky 25 year old virgin
flight attendant.

Aint no such thing!

 

[bestpilot]

36 years old. Marry young funky 25 year old non-virgin
flight attendant. Happy at last!

Duuuude!!!

Dat's ole Ty Guy's life story right there, bro!

 

[Jurassic Jet]

Just remember why a divorce is so expensive.





It's worth it!:beer:

 

[pgcfii2002]

Because we want to.

HAHAHAHAHA, finally, peace and quiet.

 

[FCPhotography]

Fiction. I am not even 30 and have seen a furlough and a bankruptcy.

I am hoping to see a major by 45.

 

[pgcfii2002]

What is the oldest a major will hire at?? I've heard 51 at SWA.