So much freakin' luggage.....

[Lear2460]

I have come to the conclusion that pilots are not paid to fly the aircraft. They are paid to lug heavy amounts of luggage (A.K.A....CrAp) that the wealthy people on vacation pick up during their stay.

A few days ago, I saw a pilot work the hardest I have EVER seen a guy work, at getting luggage into his A/C. Of course, there was a lot when he dropped the passenders off a week prior, but then more appeared when they came to depart again. He was literally on his back in the rear luggage compartment, with his knees holding a bag up while trying to manuver it into position, struggling for well over 5 minutes. While there wasn't really much I could do, as there was no way I could fit in there to help him, I stood there watching him struggle and could not help but laugh. It was well over 90 degrees outside, and the plane had been on the ramp for quite awhile. He managed to finally get it where he wanted......

He just calmly pulled his pants straight, brushed his shirt off and wiped the sweat away, saying he KNEW he was going to get it where he wanted it. I told him I would have given up long before. The hold was then stuffed completely tight to where I know when he opened that door, he had to do it carefully.

At what point, do you look at your pax, and say "That is NOT gonna work"? I have seen coffee tables, concrete statues, big wooden voodoo looking items, KAYAKs, fishtanks.....you name it. What is the WEIRDEST, most OUTRAGEOUS thing that you have flown (aside from the PAX)?????

Everyday, I see the look of pilots who are like "Grrrrreeattt" when they see the luggage air jockey come their way. It's like a puzzle....how the hell am I going to fit that in there. You hope the pax are lightweight.... then see them walk onto the ramp and they are big brusier overweighties, and you just did a full fuel topoff!

At least freight dogs dont have to deal with PAX that BRING the freight with them. I have to hand it to ALL of you, keeping your cool when determining how to fit 20 peices of luggage in a 4X4 foot square...is pretty **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** good.

 

[FN FAL]

At least freight dogs dont have to deal with PAX that BRING the freight with them. I have to hand it to ALL of you, keeping your cool when determining how to fit 20 peices of luggage in a 4X4 foot square...is pretty **CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED****CENSORED** good.

Hahahahaha...plus they get a cell phone to play with, those "driving miss daisy" suckahs.

 

[smellthejeta]

What is the WEIRDEST, most OUTRAGEOUS thing that you have flown (aside from the PAX)?????

This doesn't keep with the spirit of the thread, but when I was working for the airlines, I had a guy check DEER ANTLERS. He didn't box them or anything, all he did was wrap them in duck tape. That was weird. I also had a guy check three or four bags of PEANUTS. Those things are heavy, and the only reason I knew what they were was because they fell out after I dragged the bag across the ramp.

 

[TrafficInSight]

I had two friends that worked for Swissport at KSJC, they used to ramp for Mexicana when they came in and they said several times they had gotten refrigerators and car bumpers.

 

[DitchDriver]

What is the WEIRDEST, most OUTRAGEOUS thing that you have flown (aside from the PAX)?????

In "Checked" luggage:

Fresh salmon in a garbage bag. I think it was still twitching.

Endles coolers full of seal oil, with lid hinges broken and duct tape all over. That stuff reeks and does not wash off easily.

Open carton box full of dead birds, feathers flying out as I picked it up

Unidentified dead animal in a box, blood and stuff were leaking out once it sat in a warm compartment

Grocery bags way overstuffed with anything you can imagine, busting open

About seven plastic drums of dead batteries

Dental impressions

Blood, urine and stool samples

An arsenal of about 20 confiscated rifles and shotguns - State Trooper was taking them into town

5 gallon can full of gasoline... I refused to take that one.

A full propane cylinder... Same thing, left it behind on the ramp.

Lifting up HEAVY backpacks, I figured it had to be beer. A week later picked up the same beefy characters for a trip back, the packs were even heavier. I asked "What's in here now?" They said, "Rocks - we are geologists".


As freight and mail:

350 lb. cylinder head for a Caterpillar

A 2-3 ft pulley with a burned brake from some piece of construction equipment, stank just like locked up truck brakes

50 lb. bags of gravel (samples for testing from construction site)

Rolls of wire on wooden spools, three pieces at 1000 lbs.

A piece of parcel post mail: Two boxes of eggs - 200 count each, taped together. They have been in the mail system in the height of the summer for at least a week. Some silly soul decided to mail them to herself from the big city. Quite a few were broken and they smelled pretty bad. I found out later that she has tried this a few times before.

Boxes and boxes of blueberries... Coming from the farms in Washington State, going to Alaska villages in the middle of blueberry season.

In my freight dogging days, had a small clear plastic bag (2-3 lbs) full of cancelled checks. The enclosed printout totalled them at over $6 million. In every load we had much bigger boxes and bags - but none were transparent. That was the only one I could peek into.

 

[mar]

Part of the charm

Dude. If it'll fit through the door (and it may need to be taken apart to make it fit) it will ride on the airplane.

The strangest thing I've flown (that I know of): cod cum. The Japanese put it in their soup or something. It's worth more than gold.

Imagine a DC6 full of it. I'm crappin' ya negative. Asquared has also made the cod cum runs--maybe even the whale blubber runs. Those I have not had the pleasure.

 

[dseagrav]

What is the WEIRDEST, most OUTRAGEOUS thing that you have flown (aside from the PAX)?????

I would have to say the most bizarre thing I've had in the airplane is myself. My instructor is a close second.

 

[BD King]

Dude. If it'll fit through the door (and it may need to be taken apart to make it fit) it will ride on the airplane.

The strangest thing I've flown (that I know of): cod cum. The Japanese put it in their soup or something. It's worth more than cold.

Imagine a DC6 full of it. I'm crappin' ya negative. Asquared has also made the cod cum runs--maybe even the whale blubber runs. Those I have not had the pleasure.

Cod cum??? How do ya collect cod cum? Little cod condoms?

 

[mar]

Great question!

Cod cum??? How do ya collect cod cum? Little cod condoms?

I have no idea.

I think you squeeze 'em.

 

[Jmmccutc]

I have no idea.

I think you squeeze 'em.

you are correct son...it's done in the same manner as removing the eggs or sprem from say a trout, or a bass...what ya do is find the "bulge" (basicly looks like a tummy with way too much food in it) just infront of the anus...go to the front of the "bulge" and press up, firmly but gently, and push you had toward the anus in a linear fashion, the next thing you know you got a puddle full or eggs or sperm at your feet...

now i got a question...i don't know if anyone's hauled one or if they are even shipped via airmail...but what about the F-1 cars that race in Eroupe and the States? or Indy cars or what ever...do they ship those open wheel race cars on planes? i'm kind of out-of-the-loop on that cause i'm a NASCAR fan and not into the whole open wheel thing

 

[Raskal]

There's a story of one of our clients, legendary for being, uh, difficult. This guy is worth a complete crapload of money and is rather well known in business. He and his much younger wife bought an early american antique table. Without telling the pilots they had said table and its four chairs sent via courier to the fbo so the pilots could load it.

Now, this was a big table that was to be put on a mid-size jet, along with 4 pax mind you. Well, after an hour of the fo laughing and the captain not giving up, they couldn't get the table into the aircraft. In a fit of rationality, they called the line guys and gave them the address and had it shipped, next day, to the owners home.

The kicker is that when the client got there he was livid! His response was, and I quote: "You've had half the f'ing day to figure this out...you couldn't have ran out and got some f'ing rope?"

 

[slowto250]

This doesn't keep with the spirit of the thread, but when I was working for the airlines, I had a guy check DEER ANTLERS. He didn't box them or anything, all he did was wrap them in duck tape. That was weird. I also had a guy check three or four bags of PEANUTS. Those things are heavy, and the only reason I knew what they were was because they fell out after I dragged the bag across the ramp.

It is a well known fact that when wrapping antlers, duck tape will simply not cut it. Anything this large should be secured with something much stronger......say for instance, goose tape.

 

[Groundpounder]

What I don't get is when someone has a mini van for a rental, and they show up with six people and a weeks worth of baggage. If you are not familar with mini vans, they can't carry much cargo with all the seats folded up. They end up with bags on their laps, after they just got out of a Gulfstream.

We get lots of customers from South America, and they will leave with all kinds of household items, from TV's to kids toys.

Rich people are very odd sometimes.

 

[PaulThomas]

now i got a question...i don't know if anyone's hauled one or if they are even shipped via airmail...but what about the F-1 cars that race in Eroupe and the States? or Indy cars or what ever...do they ship those open wheel race cars on planes? i'm kind of out-of-the-loop on that cause i'm a NASCAR fan and not into the whole open wheel thing

The F1 are put in a container and flown when they're not racing in Europe. The FIA takes care of the shipments. When they are in Europe, each team uses their own trucks.

However the FIA allows only so much weight to be transported (it's different for each team depending on where they finished the prior season). I don't know if you have to pay for extra weight or ship it yourself.

 

[GravityHater]

The kicker is that when the client got there he was livid! His response was, and I quote: "You've had half the f'ing day to figure this out...you couldn't have ran out and got some f'ing rope?"

Maybe they have been happier if you'd taken a chainsaw and lopped off the legs?!

As for the fish cum, that is WAY more knowledge than I was hoping to receive at my lunchtime!!
"Waitress! cancel that order of custard!"

 

[dkelly]

A Jeep Grand Cherokee axle in a Cessna 180.

 

[A Squared]

Imagine a DC6 full of it. I'm crappin' ya negative. Asquared has also made the cod cum runs--maybe even the whale blubber runs. Those I have not had the pleasure.

Yeah, I've hauled it. No whale blubber though ...... yeah there's a scam. Natives kill a whale using the ancient traditional havesting method involving a small shoulder cannon shooting an explosive warhead. Pull it up on the barrier islands using machinery donated by the oil companies, then transport it to thier "traditional whaling villages" (which are 50 miles inland and didn't exist before 1974) using the ancient traditional method of loading it on Hercs chartered by the oil companies. Ahhhh the subsistence lifestyle.

 

[BD King]

I have no idea.

I think you squeeze 'em.

If the cod squeezer is named Wade, this would put a new meaning to Wade vs. Roe.

 

[mar]

Such skepticism

Ahhhh the subsistence lifestyle.

Hey what's wrong with soda and chips and whale blubber anyway?

Roe vs. Wade. Funny.

It's just funny what people eat.

 

[DitchDriver]

If you are not familar with mini vans, they can't carry much cargo with all the seats folded up. They end up with bags on their laps, after they just got out of a Gulfstream.

Reminds me, we had a load of river runners, two 207s worth. We knew that these were airline pilots, their significant others and their friend a FSDO inspector out for a fun week of rafting. They had lots and lots of bags. I lucked out and the other knucklehead ended up with the fed on his plane. The inspector was seated in the third row, right by the door.

Once all the baggage space was stuffed, that other pilot picked up the last bag and shoved it in right across the fed's lap. The inspector had an extra uncomfortable hour flight with a drybag up to his eyeballs.

We never did hear anything come of it.

 

[mar]

Priorities

We never did hear anything come of it.

It's funny how your priorities change when you haven't had a shower in a week and all you want is to go home.

Ever had a passenger try to bribe you to take him instead of someone else? Usually as the temperature drops the bidding goes up...

Fly safe out there.

 

[hawg2hawk]

Dead seal.

or, 14 sled dogs all humping each other simultaneously.

Close call.

 

[Lear2460]

The correct term for "fish cum" is actually "Milt"....... just FYI.

 

[snowman]

I have a friend named Milt... Hmmm, I used to have a friend named Milt...
snowman

 

[nwf800]

I know something about packing airplanes tight. I pack a king air 200 with two vans full and a bmw suv full of stuff it had wing lockers but still they could not open the door from the inside i know it is unsafe but they made it ok. I am galde i was not in there because they went from chicago to colorado non stop so they had full tanks takeing-off from a 4000 foot runway easily

 

[Lear2460]

I know something about packing airplanes tight. I pack a king air 200 with two vans full and a bmw suv full of stuff it had wing lockers but still they could not open the door from the inside i know it is unsafe but they made it ok. I am galde i was not in there because they went from chicago to colorado non stop so they had full tanks takeing-off from a 4000 foot runway easily

Whoa......enough run on sentences to run forevever. You know it was "unsafe" but, they "made it ok"?

You were "glad" you were not in the plane? Think about someone besides yourself when doing anything on a A/C.....someones FAMILY is on board.

Are you really a pilot???????

 

[TurboS7]

I have found that the rich and famous carry a little bag with the minimum and just buy clothes as they go along. I used to fly a family to Aspen they would take hardly anything with them. They would each spend thousands on ski outfits and clothes then just leave them in the room for the maids. The rich wantabees are the ones that haul all their junk as they have to buy it at WalMart to get the best price. Unfortunatly I am in the later group but at least I admit it.

 

[HiFlyChick]

Went on a "routine" charter to pick up what I was told was an older gent, his wife, two dogs and their luggage, which incuded a rifle (he was apparently coming up to the great white north to do some hunting. I get there and he's got 11 rifles!! So I call Canadian customs and tell them about this (and the dogs) and they ask "Why on earth does he need 11 rifles?!" to which I reply "I have no idea...."
The dogs were in wire cages (which I had insisted on - I've flown others before just loose, but had no clue as to what breed these were - still don't) One had been sedated, but still went absolutely berserk when I went near the cage (which was sitting right in front of the door). As I bent over to close the bottom half of the door (Navajo) my tie almost went into the cage - that sucker woulda grabbed me and reeled me in for sure - face plant on a wire cage - OUCH

 

[Dave Grohl]

I have found that the rich and famous carry a little bag with the minimum and just buy clothes as they go along. I used to fly a family to Aspen they would take hardly anything with them. They would each spend thousands on ski outfits and clothes then just leave them in the room for the maids. The rich wantabees are the ones that haul all their junk as they have to buy it at WalMart to get the best price. Unfortunatly I am in the later group but at least I admit it.

There was a story a couple years ago about Demi Moore needing a second corporate aircraft to haul her sh_t. Apparently she pitched a fit about not having her luggage and garment bags stacked in any way.

 

[Diesel]

I allways enjoy it when a nice elederly couple pulls up the the plane and says we have a ton of bags let me help you.

I usually groan We go back to the truck and they have like two small bags like a pound each with the red string on the handle. (like i'm going to lose it).

Throw it in the baggage compartment and the old man says sorry we brought so much we'll be gone for a week.

I just laugh. Don't worry about it.

Had one pax that was getting a divorce and using the plane to move out.