Shy Bladder - Anyone else get stage fright?

[navigator72]

Oh yeah

I took a job a couple of hours away from home and the day I took my pee test I drove two hours from my house. I had the usual cup of coffee and a bottle of water at my side to ensure success at the urinal. 1.5 hours later I had to pee really really bad. I figured a quick stop at the rest area to let a little bit go would do the trick. I let er' rip and had nothing left fto impress the doctor. Once off the highway I bought a jug of water and started chugging like a freshman at his first keg party. I got to the doctors office and felt a slight urge to pee and figured I was all set.
The doctor invited me in and gave me the cup. The urge went away......no matter how many waterfalls I thought of, the thought of the lady standing on the other side of the door was keeping me from success. I calmly walked out of the bathroom and handed her an empty cup (doh!). She had me wait for awhile until I could try again. This time I really had to pee and back to the bathroom I went..... Nothing!!!! Once again I had failed.
They sent me away and the second I walked away from the doctors office I ran to Burger King where I had no problem at all.

2 weeks later, I went back and this time I again had to pee about 1.5 miles into the 2 hour trip. I wanted to stop really bad but no, I have to pee this time. I drive like a madman and when I get there I tell them I am ready to pee.... (they didn't care). They told me to have a seat and the nurse will be with me shortly....... I waited and waited and waited until my bladder was in extreme pain (it didn't help having someone I know in the waiting room trying have a conversation with me). Finally I got up and told the receptionist, I gotta pee now and If I can't get in the bathroom at that moment I am running across the street to Burger King. She let me in and I peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed for what felt like hours.......Ahhhhh, Success at last!!!!
When I left the doctors office that day I felt like I had won the lottery......

 

[Tarzan]

When I was in the Army, I got plenty of practice having someone stand there watching my package. And the real jerks didn't stand just behind but right there next to you inside my airspace. Having someone standing outside the door waiting is nothing!

 

[FurloughedAgain]

Navigator72,

Sounds like it's just you and me brother! I've been going to the same guy for medicals for like 10 years. I moved several hundred miles away and have to go to a new doc. I'm already getting myself worked up at the thought of having to pee on somebody else's schedule!

 

[czr]

Haven't had stage fright in some time, but the one-two punch of copious coffee and copious water will always get the juice flowing for me.

Be thankful you never had to do it in the USAF! I was a medic, and there were times when we had to supervise drug pee tests (i.e. after a flightline accident or incident, all airmen involved had to come in to get tested). We had to stand next to, and slightly behind, the guy as he was pissing in the cup to make sure there wasn't any trickery involved. Those were the rules at the time, and believe me, it was uncomfortable for both parties involved!

Also be glad you don’t work in the medical profession. When my wife, who works as a nurse, went in to take her pee test, she was handed a hospital gown, and told she needed to put it on for the test. She was given privacy while she changed, and was by herself in the restroom, but I still nearly flipped when I she told me about it! Apparently it’s a practice that’s becoming more common to prevent cheating, though I don’t see how it could catch any of those portable bladders, if you can just tie it to your person. Luckily, DOT regulations regarding drug testing specifically prevent the "specimen collector" from doing this in DOT drug testing.

If it makes you feel better, the regs also have a "shy bladder procedure," which would seem to suggest that it’s a pretty common occurrence.

Knowing how long your body takes to process things also helps. It generally takes about an hour to process a normal liquid (water, juice, etc,) and about ½ hour to process something that has a diuretic (something that makes you need to pee.) Most sodas have diuretics, and caffeine is also a diuretic. Drinking about 18 fl oz. about an hour to ½ hour prior to your test should help you feel "well prepared." If you do have bouts of "shy bladder," 24 fl oz. Should make the process hard to stop. Much more than that, though, and your "sample" might be too diluted, in which case they can’t use it.

 

[garf12]

Yep, I see 'em too. In the floor as well when producing my Howard Deans.

Stage fright was at its worst in the Navy and at Los Alamos when they had to have an unobstructed view of the stream from the source to the sample bottle.

Seen news reports of these drugheads who buy these realistic-looking weiners that are connected to a body-hugging bladder that keeps the urine at body temperature so when they get tested for the meth or whatever, they get by on someone else's 'clean pee.' I wonder how the testing facility verifies the authenticity of ones 'member' prior to sample extraction?? Thangs that make you go HMMMMM!

I know how that goes, I had a friend that paid me $20 for my clean pee back in high school so he could pass a test.

 

[FurloughedAgain]

Remember that episode of Beavis and Butthead where they forgot how to pee?

Thats how I feel when I walk in there!

 

[minitour]

If someone steps up to the stall next to me before I get started, game over. I especially hate bathrooms with no dividers.

Yep...by far that's the worst.

Doesn't everyone know about the "buffer urinal"? That's the urinal that is in the middle that is not to be used under any circumstances. And if there's no dividers, there should be 2 buffer urinals between each person.

I know how ya feel...but life goes on..

-mini

 

[falcon20driver]

If you do have bouts of "shy bladder," 24 fl oz. Should make the process hard to stop. Much more than that, though, and your "sample" might be too diluted, in which case they can’t use it.

Never had a problem going, had plenty of practice in the Marine Corps, what I'd like to know is if this too diluted to use if you drink too much is true or BS?
I've probably drink a half gallon of water a few times right before the test due to pissing right before being called to test, and I've never failed because of too diluted, I think that is a BS rumor, anyone ever failed due to too diluted of a sample?

 

[cforst513]

Like George Costanza in cold water it's gone.

i know this contributes NOTHING to this thread, but that was hilarious!

 

[LewisU_Pilot]

Try peeing at Wrigly Field!! That is the worst.