Shy Bladder - Anyone else get stage fright?

[FurloughedAgain]

Ok, you know who you are. It's embarassing, it's frustrating and it makes those random drug screens and FAA medicals worse then going to the dentist.

I can't pee when I know somebody is standing right outside the door waiting for me.

You've been there. You drink a gallon of fluid. You have to pee so bad that it hurts to WALK. You go into the room, unzip your fly, and... nothing. You try to close your eyes and relax and just about the time you think you're going to start to go.. <<KNOCK KNOCK>> "Everything ok in there???"

Like George Costanza in cold water it's gone. So what do they do? They send you back to sit in the lobby for another 20 minutes, drinking water, until you're in agony! Then you have to pee so bad that you CANT pee!

Please tell me somebody else has this problem and what you do to combat it!

Thanks!

 

[SDF2BUF2MCO]

Try using the women's restroom.

 

[FL000]

If someone steps up to the stall next to me before I get started, game over. I especially hate bathrooms with no dividers. If I've been drinking al-kee-hol, it's a bit easier, but I have to use a trick:

Use the pattern on the wall to look for face shapes and see if you can identify anyone famous. It doesn't matter what the wall is made of or painted with, there's always a face there. The harder it is to find one, the better off you'll be.

For those of you that don't know how to properly choose a urinal...piss off (so to speak). Here's some information and a final exam to help you conform:

http://www.icbe.org/pages/t_one.shtml

http://flasharcade.com/game.php?urinal&2

http://www.drinknation.com/urinaltest.php

 

[RideTheWind]

just about the time you think you're going to start to go.. <<KNOCK KNOCK>> "Everything ok in there???"

Tell the chick it's not OK, you're having a hard time and ask her to come in and hold it.

 

[RichardRambone]

Tell her to milk the urine out ofyou. And by the way,your urineis thicker and milkier.

 

[FN FAL]

If someone steps up to the stall next to me before I get started, game over. I especially hate bathrooms with no dividers. If I've been drinking al-kee-hol, it's a bit easier, but I have to use a trick:

Use the pattern on the wall to look for face shapes and see if you can identify anyone famous. It doesn't matter what the wall is made of or painted with, there's always a face there. The harder it is to find one, the better off you'll be.

For those of you that don't know how to properly choose a urinal...piss off (so to speak).

hahaha...I thought I was the only one with this problem. I think it stems from having a sense of modesty.

At the old FBO they had at the MSN airport, there were three urinals spaced as physically close as possible to each other. Generally, if no one was in there, I'd choose one on the far side...since the stance usually meant that one of my feet would wind up in the "obstruction clearance plane" of the next urinal.

Inevitably, some short guy would just about trip over my foot to get the middle urinal. I could never figure this out...must have been one of those people that unconciously have to straighten pictures all the time. I don't know why I didn't do it, but I always wanted to make a fire hydrant out of their leg...Bow wow wow, yippie yo, yippe yea.

As for trying to get the main vein to function during time of duress? For some reason, the same trick I use to defer orgasm works as well. I mentally field strip an Armalite AR-180 and it works every time. In the case of prolonging the act of wild monkey sex, I might actually field strip and clean several firearms mentally, as the AR-180 features super quick take down.

 

[Wang Chung]

Haven't had stage fright in some time, but the one-two punch of copious coffee and copious water will always get the juice flowing for me.

Be thankful you never had to do it in the USAF! I was a medic, and there were times when we had to supervise drug pee tests (i.e. after a flightline accident or incident, all airmen involved had to come in to get tested). We had to stand next to, and slightly behind, the guy as he was pissing in the cup to make sure there wasn't any trickery involved. Those were the rules at the time, and believe me, it was uncomfortable for both parties involved!

 

[sqwkvfr]

For some reason, the same trick I use to defer orgasm works as well. I mentally field strip an Armalite AR-180 and it works every time. In the case of prolonging the act of wild monkey sex, I might actually field strip and clean several firearms mentally, as the AR-180 features super quick take down.

Danm you, man...I just spit water through my nose.

 

[Hovernut]

Use the pattern on the wall to look for face shapes and see if you can identify anyone famous

Yep, I see 'em too. In the floor as well when producing my Howard Deans.

Stage fright was at its worst in the Navy and at Los Alamos when they had to have an unobstructed view of the stream from the source to the sample bottle.

Seen news reports of these drugheads who buy these realistic-looking weiners that are connected to a body-hugging bladder that keeps the urine at body temperature so when they get tested for the meth or whatever, they get by on someone else's 'clean pee.' I wonder how the testing facility verifies the authenticity of ones 'member' prior to sample extraction?? Thangs that make you go HMMMMM!

 

[RichardRambone]

I just picture myself standing over my toilet at home. Just closeyour eyes, make a wish and teleport yourself to your home pisser and 90% of the time the pee will flow.