Runs in flight

[samballs]

Has anyone had the problem of being on a long flight. when suddenly you feel it brewing and theres no turning back, so you go in the back and the whole flight sees you. After about 23 minutes you come back out and the one hot flight att you've had in a year or so is just scared to even look at you. Plus now the smell has begun to circulate. Not too bad at OH on the 70 because we have the front bathroom, but still I could tell the people just were sick by seeing me. Anyone else ever have to drop one on a long flight in the porta pottys on the CRJS? Just wondering sick of nothing but my contracts better than your being repeated on here daily. All of our contracts are Sh!t, don't say otherwise..

 

[CA1900]

Try getting the same feeling in a Beech 1900, and dealing with the harsh reality that you won't see a bathroom until you land!

 

[samballs]

Try getting the same feeling in a Beech 1900, and dealing with the harsh reality that you won't see a bathroom until you land!

Use to fly the 1900 that was the worst, as I would open the doors for the passengers I would be jumping down the stairs and into the terminal, after a long dump come out and realize only a 15 minute turn and the plane is loaded and waiting for to get done crapping.

 

[Pattern-Master]

Who cares! That's one of the joys of having a lav on your airplane. After flying night cargo for a year, I can drop a duece anywhere and anyhow!

 

[Donsa320]

Use to fly the 1900 that was the worst, as I would open the doors for the passengers I would be jumping down the stairs and into the terminal, after a long dump come out and realize only a 15 minute turn and the plane is loaded and waiting for to get done crapping.

In the old days that would be called a "COC" delay by the station personnel.....Captain On Crapper!

DC

 

[ReportCanoa]

When you have to drop a turd- but the lav is still deferred...

 

[Mad-dasher]

Back in the Dash days I was the FO on a flight from ISP to PHL. The capt. and I went out the night before to applebees for lots of hotwings and beer. Unfortunatly, the next day I didn't have time for the morning constitutional, and about half way down the shark route the hoover dam was about to give way. I called the FA and she came forward and blocked the door and closed the curtain. (pre 9/11). I don't know if their is an emotion for total elation and extreme embarasement at the same time, but I had it. Luckily the dash is very noisy. Unluckily it has poor circulation.
As a side note. When I returned to the cockpit the capt. was laughing his ass off.

 

[goahead]

When you have to drop a turd- but the lav is still deferred...

It's never deferred for the crew

 

[COOPERVANE]

Awesome! another $hit thread. The last on went for 4+ pages and was hil-arious.

 

[AWACoff]

I had a couple of FAMs onboard and I briefed them that the only reason either of us would leave the flight deck is if there was a problem. Unbelievably...V1, Rotate.....gurgle, gurgle...uh oh, I'm gonna crap my Dockers. I call up the FA. I come out of the cockpit in a big hurry and the only thing I see are the whites of the FAMs eyes. Big whites. Needless to say, we had a full boat of 50 and row 13 got anihilated. There should be a dump valve in the lav that flushes the air out. To make it even better...this went on all day. There's nothing like requesting a lav job during every turn.

 

[CRJ's suck]

It's never deferred for the crew

Deferred ONE of the aft lavs on a 737 due to the toilet not flushing. This was the new vacuum lav system (unlike the blue juice systems, this one won't drain into the tank). Placarded and locked the door before leaving. Plane comes back in from a round trip with a lav system problem. Now one would assume it would be one of the other lavs. No, same F/A that had me originally defer the system tells me that there is "waste" in the toilet. Turns out it's her waste, I guess if there is a line for the lav you can just use one that's broke. She didn't like it when I told her to clean it out as I was leaving. The captain ends up calling back for MX to come comply with the deferral and clean out the bowl. After being told to go back out and clean out the bowl, I refused to go back out there. I told the lead mech. the story, so he went out there with a bucket and gloves and gave it to the captain and told him the F/A's could do it. I don't know if they actually cleaned it out, but the plane left with out any further MX action.

I know not really a turtle head poking out kinda story, but I still find it kinda amusing.

 

[ajhbubs84]

Well I feel a little out of place here having never flown the heavy iron but this issue can come up on any aircraft. Long story short, hot Arizona day over the vast empty desert, time building towards the commercial license. Last night's meal wasnt taking no for an answer.

Nothing more dissapointing than hitting nearest on the GPS and finding out it is your original destination. Sweat starts to roll and I start dancing in my seat. The good news is I made it just in time, after setting a land speed record whille running for the FBO. Bad news, I think that particular bathroom at the FBO is no longer usable.

 

[Motorradfahrer]

Imodium AD...works like a charm. I never fly a trip without it

 

[wmudriver]

Pepto in the flight case is required. The green tongue and tar turds it leaves behind are bonus.

 

[n32jk]

Early on at PCL (back in 85 when we were express airlines 1 dba republic express) we had a crew in a jetstream where the capt had to go REALLY bad. He tried to squat on his seat and bullseye a sick sack. the high pressure very liquid eruption he emmitted did not make the sick sack and spewed all over the cockpit. The aircraft landed in FSM with the FO wearing an oxygen mask and passengers hurling......Those were the days.....

 

[skydork]

When you have to drop a turd- but the lav is still deferred...

diarrhea cha cha cha, diarrhea cha cha cha!

 

[TAWS]

Heard a good one from a friend who was at ACA, when they had the Jetstream. Capt HAD to go, so he took a dump in the PBE, then repackaged it and left it onboard!!

HA!

 

[txpilot1974]

You guys are killin me!!! LMAO!!!

 

[Prop2Jet]

Love the terd in the bad! I just take it and leave it in the MX tin!

 

[Minimaniac]

Colgan 1900... passenger came down with food poisoning in flight. Nowhere to go, and unable to pucker up, so she went to the back, hiked up her skirt and shat. The smell reached the cockpit before she did. She was very embarrased and apologetic... the ultimate walk of shame!

 

[joeywoofwoof]

Superbowl Sunday while flying for a 135 outfit on a Jetstream... after the game- the pax came back all wasted. We fired up and had to wait for over an hour just to get a clearance. Then while waiting for our taxi clearance we realized we needed to turn back and throw some more gas onboard. After we parked one of the female passengers told me that I might not want to touch the cooler. Just from the smell of it I could tell... I never opened it and just set it outside by the door. The woman was really embarrassed- but then when I told her that the airplane DID actually have a lav behind the door.....

 

[OPECJet]

Saw an awesome right up....

"Turd smell in cockpit."

Action taken...

"Inspected flight deck duct, cabin ducts, engine bleed ducts, engine bleed SOV, engine bleed PRV, APU bleed duct, APU bleed SOV, recirc fan. No turd found. Aircraft OK for service."

 

[dispatchguy]

I was jumpseating in the actual into ORD one day, landing 4R, with a Terminal 2 gate. At around BDF I start to feel that lovin' feeling, we're sliding down the descent, and at around 15K (we were just handed off to ORD APP) I let fly an SBD which could kill a cow, after about 30 seconds the smell simultaneously hit me and the operating crew. I'm watching the captain and he looks at me and the look on his face is priceless, then he puts his O2 mask on, as the smell was totally horrendous (and in a way, I was proud, mustve been that Taco Bell I had before we left PHX). By the time we pass over REKKS I can feel it start to prairiedog and I'm doing every type of squeeze thought I have to keep it in.

We land, rollout, and get the route over the bridge to the north port, I can feel my bowels loosen with each expansion joint on the taxiway.

We arrive at the gate, and no sooner as the flight attendants open the forward entry door, I'm dashing up the jetway to the restroom by our arrival gate. Hell, my outflow valve is relaxing before my slacks were done. While I was doing the paperwork, my stomach muscles started to hurt for all the clenching I was doing. Thank God we didnt have to wait for an arrival gate!

 

[dispatchguy]

Colgan 1900... passenger came down with food poisoning in flight. Nowhere to go, and unable to pucker up, so she went to the back, hiked up her skirt and shat. The smell reached the cockpit before she did. She was very embarrased and apologetic... the ultimate walk of shame!

But was she cute???

 

[Rerouted]

It all started for me with a meatball wedge in CHS one night for dinner. Everything was fine until just after departure in the morning to LGA. I managed to clench all the way to LGA, then destroyed the bathroom there (you know it's bad when the rampers leave while making loud comments in Spanish). Flew another leg back to CHS and relived the whole experience over again in their bathroom...just trade the Spanish language for a Southern accent. Yes, we did go back to LGA again.....clenching all the way. I managed to beat the passengers off the plane at every stop. I never flew again without Immodium.

 

[hdpilot1]

Dispatch guy, that was the funniest sheat Ive read in awhile. I cant stop laughing. The harder I laugh the farther the gopher seems to be poking his head out.

 

[strega7]

I while back I was doing IOE with a brand new F/O in the Brasilia. Prior to departure we had both had Subway in SFO. You would think that Subway would be pretty safe. However, halfway through our 1 hour flight he says,

"I gotta go use the restroom."
No big deal. I call the F/A and she comes up and keeps an eye on me while he's gone. About 5-6 minutes later he comes back and all is fine. WELL about 2 minutes later I notice him wiggling around in his seat and finally ask him if everything is alright. He says,

"THEIR BURNING!" I say, "Huh?" He says,
"My ba!!s are burning!" And he is still sliding around trying to make the pain stop.
"Dude, why in the heck are your ba!!s hurting?" He manages to say,
"Well, I didn't want to stink up the plane so I used some of the citrus spray in the lav".
I say, "Go on."
"well I thought that if I sprayed it in the bowl that I could help the smell." (to his credit I never smelled a thing up front)
"I moved "it" out of the way but I forgot about the twins and I guess I got them too."

This is when I started laughing so hard I everyone in the first 5 rows would hear me! He on the other hand is on the edge of tears!

After about 5 minutes of me laughing, flying, and doing everything else, he admitted that the pain was starting to dispate and he should be ok. We landed and as we were walking to the van I noticed he was walking kinda careful. The next day I HAD to ask how the "twins" were doing and he said they were "tender" but otherwise fine.

I still don't know to this day how he knew there was citrus spray in the lav.

 

[CaptainZero]

The Freight message board has a thread about this same situation. Last time I checked it, it was up to about 13 pages. Funniest freakin thread on FI


Zero

 

[Lazy8]

I bet the fractional folks have some interesting tales about this situation and their billionaire passengers.

 

[Stifler's Mom]

I literally have tears in my eyes as I read this. :laugh:

My biggest fear is having to take a dump during a flight. Everytime I have come out just to take a piss, everybody on board automatically looks at you. I can't imagine their looks after spending a good 5 minutes in the lav. Nobody will ever want to sit in 1B again.