328dude
Still turning two
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2001
- Posts
- 1,647
Ant and Grasshopper OLD VERSION:
>
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
>a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
>ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he
>dies out in the cold.
>
>MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
>
>
>MODERN VERSION:
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
>a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
>shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why
>the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold
>and starving.
>
>CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
>grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a
>table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How
>can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
>allowed to suffer so?
>
>Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
>cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."
>
>Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where
>the news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome." Jesse
>then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
>
>Tom Daschle & Walter Mondale exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings
>that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both
>call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair
>share."
>
>Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti Grasshopper Act,"
>retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing
>to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to
>pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
>
>Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
>defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
>federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single parent welfare
>recipients.
>
>The ant loses the case.
>
>The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of
>the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens
>to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
>maintain it.
>
>The ant has disappeared in the snow.
>
>The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house,
>now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once
>peaceful neighborhood.
>
>MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
>
>
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
>a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
>ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he
>dies out in the cold.
>
>MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
>
>
>MODERN VERSION:
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
>a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
>shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why
>the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold
>and starving.
>
>CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
>grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a
>table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How
>can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
>allowed to suffer so?
>
>Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
>cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."
>
>Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where
>the news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome." Jesse
>then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
>
>Tom Daschle & Walter Mondale exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings
>that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both
>call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair
>share."
>
>Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti Grasshopper Act,"
>retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing
>to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to
>pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
>
>Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
>defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
>federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single parent welfare
>recipients.
>
>The ant loses the case.
>
>The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of
>the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens
>to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
>maintain it.
>
>The ant has disappeared in the snow.
>
>The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house,
>now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once
>peaceful neighborhood.
>
>MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
>
